Not every on agrees with you! Get over it!!!

Just like not everyone agrees with me! It's a PUBLIC FORUM! As I have said many times.........Take the best and leave the rest.........

This is from Lady Lithia's post on the main forum. I thought this was rather insightful!!!



I've been wanting to say something for a while, and I know I'm going to lose friends by saying it, and get blocked (I have about 12 people on this forum who have me blocked already)

But there've been a couple of posts that make me want to say this. Nothing like the REAL brouhaha that has brewed here from time to time. But still, I wanted to make a point about being offended.

EVERY message board you go to will have people who you don't like. Heck, there are people on this forum whose posts I don't open. I'm honest about it. They rub me the wrong way, so I don't open their posts. Natural, NORMAL.

You are always going to have people who want to correct ignorance of expression (grammar police) and if you want to, you can let it be offensive to you.

You will always have people who make sweeping statements that you find offensive, about what you eat, or even people who, occasionally, will make catty and mean remarks about your photos. If you want, you can let it offend you.

There will be people who will tell you you are doing it all wrong.... you can brand the entire forum unsupportive.

In short (not that I ever am) there are going to be posts that are going to upset you.

You can declare the site unsupportive and leave. It's absolutely your right. You can call the person vile and horrible and awful. You can even post this opinion and get a following of people who were similarly offended. Get a consensus that this forum is NOT SUPPORTIVE, Totally you right, and nobody is going to stop you.

But the thing is that if YOU get offended by a post here on OH there are a couple of things happening:

(1) you are giving someone else the power to hurt you, and I believe that eliminating that (the giving away if power) is an important essential part of this journey.

(2) YOU are the one choosing to be offended.... YOU are the one making the choice. They write what they write, to a computer screen. The people *****ad the message have the power to choose their own reactions, the original upsetting poster has no power to upset people, they only have the power to deliver a message and the reader chooses for their response.

(3) This site is what YOU make of it.

I guess I'm just saying that you need to NOT give others the power to hurt and offend you. If someone never says anything worth reading, and you just know that half the things they write are going to make your blood boil, then under every single post is a "block" button.... you can use it. I encourage this (though I also encourage periodic unblocking for reevaluation). The great thing is that they won't see anything YOU write, and you won't see anything THEY write. If someone upsets you that much, you have the power to mold your environment in this way.

Beyond the block button, you can just treat their opinion and words with the merit you believe it is worth.

Another common source of offense is when someone posts a message. They give two or three sentences and ask for help. Someone comes along, and reads between the lines, and infers a situation that is not exactly the true un-posted parts of the situation, and gives advice.... The original poster can get offended that the person assumed something not stated, or they can CHOOSE to clarify and improve the communication. If you post a message and don't give all the information, don't get upset about responses that would have been different if you HAD given the information.

Finally, I just think that everyone on this site would do well to ASSUME that anyone who takes the time to write a response, particularly a lengthy one, did it out of care, concern, and friendship. They might not say anything you want to hear, are ready to hear, or that applies to your situation. But every time you choose to be offended, in some ways, you end up being offensive too.... I've taken the time to write responses that were taken completely the wrong way, been called lots of names. Now, have I always said things with an eye towards pleasing my reader? Nope. Some people need a swift kick in the pants (NO, it is NOT okay to eat an entire KFC bowl on the way home from the hospital)..... and sometimes I have, I admit, lost so much patience with a person who won't accept my intent, that I have been known to say something a little snarky back at them. I'm totally human.

They say, and I agree, that an online forum like this is like a shopping expedition. You see a lot of things, but only some of the things make it into the basket and into your cupboards. You don't get MAD at the macaroni for not being on your meal plan anymore. Just just give it no power and no strength to hurt you. It just doesn't matter.

So in short, try not to let people bug you, if they bug you too much block them, if they don't have anything to give that improves your world, ignore them, and remember that 99% of the people posting here are trying to be helpful in their own bumbling and sometimes tactless way.

YOU are responsible for what you make of this forum. As a contributor you help create the ambience. If the ambience you create is "Waaaa, everyone is so mean" then yeah, that's what you will get.

for myself, I find this place an endless source of support and enjoyment..... because that is what I choose.

(PS: remember, if you are new-op your body is FLOODED with hormones that make you react a lot quicker and more sharply and get more easily offended. I barely visited OH my first six months, I was so easily upset all the time)

Maria - Thanks for reposting this!  Well said!

Your very welcome!

I'm almost 100% certain everyone always agrees with me...

I'm almost 100% certain they don't....................

;-)

But that's ok. I'm sure you have a much higer % of agrees than me!!! Lol.

cmagouirk,

Except when you disagree with me.  Then you are very clearly WRONG. Because I am always right. Without any exception! In every instance! On every occasion! I am quite simply perfect. Get used to it.


Kate

Kate.. I didn't know your other persona was Mary Poppins.  (Practically Perfect in Every Way on the measuring stick..)  

Just teasing. 

Good post, Maria!  Kate

Actually Lady Lithia wrote it but But I thought it just can kind of apply to so many situations.

This whole posting wars stuff is crazy and wasted time.
thanks for reading,
joy