Personal/Surprising NSV

Christina M.
on 4/10/11 11:44 am, edited 4/10/11 11:57 am

I went out last night with a bunch of my friends to a bar to hear a local band. I go out pretty often and I always have a good time. Even at my heaviest, I had a pretty confident outer shell. But when I came home last night, I realized how much I've changed in the past year.

Whenever, pre weight loss, someone asked me to dance, or seemed to be hitting on me, I was so hesitant. I immediately thought that it was a bet with his friends to see who could get the "fat chick" to dance. I was always waiting for the punchline. I would often blow guys off from my OWN fear of rejection, not anyones negative actions.

Last night was so different. It has slowly been happening, but I had the realization when I got home. I danced with three different guys last night and was chatted up by a few others, and never did I once consider that I was the joke of the night amongst a group of guys. I also realized that if I hear a comment as I walk by I don't always assume it's about me and that it was a negative comment like I would have in the past. Then I realized that not only my dress size has changed.

I had really tried to convince myself that the weightloss was only effecting my physical self, not my personality. I guess I lied to myself by believing that being overweight didn't effect my life negatively. Sure, it was harder to travel, harder to get up the courage to dance on a mostly empty dancefloor, but I still did it anyway. Now, I'm slowly starting to learn to fit in with the norm instead of standing out in every crowd and being comfortable with that.