Time to come clean-head issues

 The head issues with surgery are the hardest ones to fix. I am 5.5 years out, and I understand exactly where you are coming from.  Like others said, CBT is really what you need. Contact your local mental health unit or social services referral centre in your community (ours is called helplink, I don't know if you have something similar). In our community, I found our local eating disorders group offered these types of things. 

I'mg uessing from the sounds of it, you may also be a binge eater. We are the ones that have the hardest time after surgery ---- we have to get rid of our "all or nothing" behaviour.  I can totally see the same patterns that you have -- that I also have  -- the feeling of being "on a diet" is a restrictive thing, plays with our heads and we self sabotage.  

One thing I learned is to try and get rid of the diet mentality and move towards more of a feeling of "normalized eating". Eating normally - without denying myself completely, BUT at the same time, not allowing myself to binge.  It's about a balanced, normal people type of eating rather than having in our head that "I cannot have this" you say, "I can have this BUT I need to eat an amount that a normal person would eat".  Sometimes just thinking our ways of thinking help. 

Good luck and feel free to drop me a line if you ever want to chat,

Dawn