Emotional...20lbs gone.....anxious......scared.......i feel alone.........

Well today is my 4th wedding anniversary. My champagne glass had chocolate optifast...CLING-CLING. I have a loving and wonderfully supportive husband.

I have so far lost 20lbs on this3 week Optifast diet..I thought it would be more.....which by the way has made me feel very emotional. I keep on pushing myself, with the understanding that the prize is yet to come.

I have thought about quitting, but keep remembering my real reason for doing this. I have miscarried 3 times and had a premi daughter who died on mothers day....She was our heart-beat. I keep saying, "You gotta giver her some sibblings and live long enough to raise them and enjoy them!" But, I'm human and i get scared. keep second guessing myself.

I have my bestfriend (my granny) coming up from Trinidad to take care of me post-op. She was the first and only person i told about the surgery besides my hubby.

I finally told my mom and sister....TO MY SURPRISE, THEY WERE VERY SUPPORTIVE AND WI****OLD THEM EARLIER. My surgery is Monday, and I'm scared poopless....Cany someone tell me what I'm in for? Is the pain that bad? How was the team? I'm truly getting cold feet. I feel like eating a chicken roti and calling it quits......I just don't want to be a weight-loss looser....again....I'm afraid of dying or having major complications...Then not having those kids after all...I'm geeting cold feet....

 I KNOW, I'M A HOT MESS!!

Pray for me,

I'm scared and anxious~ surgery is oct.29th

Antionette,

Sorry for the scattered thoughts.......

oh Antionette, my heart goes out to you. I have my surgery November 5th and I too am thinking of all the negative things that could happen, so much so that I have not followed my optifast faithfully. I break down every 3 days wondering if I should be doing this. But.... that is our old self talking, the one that feels somehow we don't deserve weight lose.

You do deserve to be a happy and healthy person by which ever means that works for you. Try not to blame yourself for the loss of your children. It could have been a number of things that caused these sad events but as obese individuals we always think if something goes wrong it is our fault because we are overweight . Society has taught us this. Believe you are worth it Antoinette and give yourself a huge congrats for completing your optifast! That is no small feat.

I will be praying for you that your surgery goes well. Best wishes in your healing from the surgery and from the feelings of self blame that you have learned from society in general. Stay positive!

WOW!! That was wonderfully put. I do lay a lot of blame on me/my weight. My self esteem needs a kick in the pants. Your words were so comforting. Thank you so much.

*hugs*

A

Nervous Nelly is your name right now!

 When the last days of opti are coming to and end ( I counted them out the last few days just to make sure I had enough even tho I knew I did ...silly me) I was nervous too.  I questioned everything and especially the thought in my head was "why did I sign up for  for this anyway?" My mood was witchy, *****y and thought I don't need this.....but I had to realize why I started out on this quest to get healthy and my feeble reasoning kicked in. Hang in and keep all of your support people close to you.  You are going to rock this one  and there's no going back now.   

Gradeninggal....you're cute!

I just want to feel "normal" again. The irritability, hunger, cravings, anxiety is enough to drive me crazy.....So this is normal for all of us going through this transition.

Thanks hun

I am sorry for your loss the loss of a baby is very difficult, it's wonderful that your grandma is coming to help and that your Mom and Sister may be on board as well.  Lots of folks post about feeling afraid.  You have come so far to far to eat chicken eh. Would it help if you repacked your hospital bag or got the room where your grandmother will be staying reorganized.  Some say keeping busy helps truly I hope things work out for you .... My spell check is not working forgive my mistakes please

You are doing great and should be proud of yourself. 3 weeks on Opti is no easy feat.As they probably told you the goal of opti is not weight loss, 20 lbs is great. Nerves are perfectly normal. Just think that in 6 months you will have substantial weight loss and be on the way to better health. Good luck with your surgery.

Congrats of your anniversary!  I have been married 32 years (first marriage lol) and have a very supportive wife!  We lost two babies so feel your pain!  

Speaking of pain, the WLS will hurt.  They are postsurgery where you feel on the 1 to 10 scale with 10 being HOLY CRAP SAVE ME and 1 being ON THE BEACH WITH A PINA COLADA!  I was mostly between 1 and 2, with the exception of the first night post op I awoke and was near an 8, they gave me something wonderful in my IV and when I awoke I was at 2ish!  So keep ahead of the pain, if you feel it coming, speak up, they're there for you!  

Honestly after the hospital pain was never an issue for me, they sent me home with some super pain killers that I threw out a few weeks ago as I hadn't used them.  I had my gallbladder out two weeks after my RNY and that was a different kettle of fish, was not fun at all for the first week but I survived it and my gallstones are on page 567 of the WLS surgeon's handbook under the title "look at the size of those stones"!  

If you're truly scared poopless that's good, as constipation from the anethesia and narcotic pain killers are common.  You may need a little persuasion to get your poop moving post op, I used the stool softner they gave me but it did not work so folks on this board recommended milk of magnesia and it worked after a day taking it (that poop was day four days post op I think and it weighed in at over 2 pounds)!  OK TMI

Relax, enjoy your ride, you'll do great!  

Congrats on your 4th wedding anniversary.  I also started my journey about the same weight as you.  (Not sure of your height).  What I look at is where will I be in another 5 to 10 years if I didn`t have surgery and didn`t take this weight off.  I had surgery in December 2011.  I have now lost 119 lbs.  I no longer take medication for diabetes or high blood pressure. 

Enjoy the ride of your new life as it unfolds around you.  You will be able to do so much more and feel like doing things at a lower weight.  Plus your next anniversary with hubby will be a whole lot different!

What you are in for varies by person.  I woke up in the recovery room with no pain (yes they have great drugs in the hospital- TAKE THEM THEY ARE FREE!)  They helped me have a shower the morning after surgery - made me feel WONDERFUL.  I brought my own toiletries and body lotion.  I kept going for little walks down the hallway to help the gas start tooting out.  Some folks have nausea and bad gas pains.  I only had nausea when they gave me the liquid calcium at the hospital (when away after 5 minutes).  They have something to give you if you have nausea too.  I didn`t have bad gas pains.  My room mate would get the hot blankets that they keep on the floor and put it over her belly to help with the gas pains.

I filled the prescription for hydrocodone when I came home from the hospital.  I took one pill the first night home to help me sleep.  Didn`t really need it and still have the bottle full in my cabinet.  I also didn`t want to be constipated from too many narcotic pain meds.  Speaking of constipation....no problem with that either.  I came home around noon on the third day post-op.  I had lunch and a nap....then my body gave me the signs...and I went to the washroom.... HALLELUJAH!  No constipation.

So that is MY story.  You will write your own.

Good luck.

Judy

hugs, sweetie.. you'll get through this. Happy anniversary!

emotionality is normal. Partly because of the stress, partly because of all the hormones, estrogen is stored in fat, and when you lose weight quickly, it gets released, and its like you're PMSing. So be patient with yourself.

The weight loss - the number of pounds you lose doesnt matter, the optifast is to shrink the liver, not make you lose a certain number of pounds.

hugs again. You'll get through this. you're on your way to a healthier you!!