difficult spouse?

i've been accepted to my local program and am having trouble discussing it with my husband. part of it is probably the fact that he's super obese himself. he just doesn't want to talk about surgery. i want it done for my own health, i feel like my legs are breaking any time i want to exercise. i don't want to lie down and watch my kids lives fly by without being able to participate, kwim?

 

we NEED to talk about it. has anybody had a spouse who is resistant to the idea of surgery and/or discussing it? how do you make them realize it's important to talk about it?

My spouse is telling people he is supportive. And he is sometimes. But I find when I am discussing it he changes the subject, or says something negative like " Oh ya you will get all the guys looking at you after" .

I think it is jealousy. 

You definitely need to talk about it with him. This is a huge decision. You do not need his permission, but his support and love. 

 

GOOD LUCK 

 

XOXOXOX

Have you been to the orientation yet. I would definitely take him with you.

great idea!

Remember surgery is scary for some people and it will be a whole new lifestyle and he could be afraid not only for you but for himself and what it could do to your relationship. 

So I agree with Debra get him involved in the process if you can take him to the orientation and/or your appointments. 

A change in your life = a change in his life!

I made this change for ME and only me! I give my family every piece of my being and it was time for me to do something good for me! To be 100% selfish!

I think I would take him somewhere quiet that there are no distractions and talk! Tell him you need him to at least give you the respect of hearing you out! He doesn't have to like it, he doesn't have to agree! But he does need to know what the plan is!

After your talk...come here or to a supportive friend to discuss surgery because we tend to become a bit obsessive and that is all we talk about and that will aggitate him!

Good luck!
Juls

yepppppppp.. wanna chat? i didnt even tell my husband about the surgery until i had the date booked, because i didnt want to deal with the negativity beforehand.

The first thing he told me is that i'll probably leave him, because that's what ALL women do when they have WLS.

pm me if you want to talk further.

he's ok with it now, by the way.

I agree, try to get him to go to orientation with you.  I was surprised by the change in my husband's attitude.  He even stopped buying pop (even though I don't drink it) it's  change in the house hold and a move in the right direction for everyone's long term well being...he really does need to try to go. 

I hope your able to talk to him and involve him in your journey.  Maybe the thoughts of you making a drastic lifestyle change scares him, since he is over weight too, he may see it as a threat or a jealousy thing. You could explain to him, that your missing out doing things you would really enjoy doing with him and your children, and your going to do this with or without his support, he might change his tune a bit.  You never know once he realizes how serious you are and starts to see you getting excited about your new life style changes he just might decide to join you.

Big Hugs! I wish you all the best, keep us posted, you can do it!

One of the things they warned us about at the orientation was a spouse who can't deal with it. I for one decided it was not about him it was about me and just went for it. I am not saying he was or was not there but in the end its you and only you who is going to benefit in the end....tell him the way you feel and you are going ahead anyway cause you are right yours kids lives are passing you by and you want to be able to in it no****ching it....I know I sound harsh but if you can just get in your head this is about you ultimately and since your spouse is struggling with weight he might just be afraid.  His fears might be you losing weight and hes not and how you will feel about him if you weigh less and he may feel insecure about himself. There are so many issues here but don't let his fears ruin your chance to be healthy and believe me happier when you don't ache every time you move. You will thank yourself and most of all your kids will have a healthy happier mum and that you can't put a price on  

Best of luck

Cathie