Divorce rate after weight loss surgery--75% is this true???

Basically a good marriage will get better and a bad marriage will probably end.  I actually discussed this with my husband the other night.  I was telling him how some people did not like it when their spouses lost weight because they thought the spouse would leave them for someone else.  His response?  They must be very insecure.  He loves the way I look and that I am so much healthier.  I think some people settle in their choice of a mate due to their obesity.  This becomes more evident to the person as they lose weight and the power shifts in the relationship.  If you have a good, solid relationship now there is no reason to think that is going to change when you lose weight.

My husband and I had a serious discussion about this before my surgery - We had also heard that WLS can be a trial on a marriage and we wanted to talk about it together a bit beforehand -

Communication is obviously one of the most important things in a relationship, and I really think that after WLS it's even more so -

I think Lithia hit it on the head - any major life change can be the last straw in a marriage that's not already solid.

I personally believe the decision needs to be one you make for you, and solely for you and your health /future/ happiness. 

Being thinner may give you more confidence, more energy and a better wardrobe - but (and this is not directed at you, cause I don't even know you) - if you're an asshat before surgery, you're going to be an asshat after surgery.  (And if your spouse is an asshat before surgery, you're less likely to put up with him once you've regained your confidence, energy and wardrobe.)

Nikki the Pirate Queen

In my personal case, I don't think it will be an issue--I think the things that we have trouble with will hopefully improve with my weightloss (like my not being able to do things with the family because of my size). My hope is that I don't resent him for the years that he has tried to "help" me, but I try to keep in perspective that I am the mother of his children and he wants and needs me here and healthy, although he is a bit thick when it comes to understanding that he can't "help" me at all. One thing I know would be a deal breaker is if his "help" were to continue as I have more and more success with weightloss. I worry that he may think, "hmmm, if I don't continue to "help" she may gain it back." Like I said, all we can do is pray that the surgery brings about the positive changes we hope it does.

Best to everyone and so sorry to hear of those that have had a split up. It is always hard to face the end of a relationship.

Denise

My personal experience was that it only magnified problems that were already there.  My husband at first was pretty good natured about it at first, then got bad.  Early on, people would outright tell him, "man, your wife is going to leave you when she gets all skinny" which is a pretty crappy thing to say.  Or they'd say "your wife is looking good" and that kind of thing.  He did not deal with that very well, and started taking it out on me and said I was getting vain.  I finally started taking care of myself and liking myself a little bit, got some self confidence for a change, and that was not what he was used to.  We are in counseling and it has been a tremendous help.  Our issues were not strictly because of the weight loss, but the weight loss brought about some of the issues, such as depression (both of us), motivation to get better, healthy lifestyles (or lack thereof) jealousy, financial priorities, etc.... the same thing other married couples fight about.

I'm curious to know why the responses seem to be a resounding yes that if there are problems in the marriage before the surgery that it will just get worse and that the surgery complicates the problems in the marriage.  This worries me a little.  My husband and I don't have a very strong relationship and both of us have contemplated leaving at different times in the past.  We've also gone through counseling.  (Well I have, my husband refused to go saying he doesn't need to tell his problems to anyone) My surgery is scheduled for October 24th.  I'm wondering what it is about bariatric surgery that is the tipping point for divorce.  It seems like surgery would be a positive.

I have a very strong marriage and we still went through some rocky spots.  DH was very jealous of the attention I started to get once I started losing weight.  I just had to reassure him that I wasn't going anywhere.  Why would I want one of the jerks who ignored me heavy when I had the man of my dreams who worshiped me?  Once he got over that phase, things were back to normal.