Can someone please give me some help with my head games?

I'm almost 4 months out.  Tonight, I had my first binge.  I ate two peanut butter and sugar free jelly sandwiches on Thin bread.  Two.  This wasn't a meal.  It was a "I'm starving, gotta have something" snack.

I rarely eat any bread, but I ate two of these sandwiches.  Not only do I feel sick but my guilt is eating me up.

Please talk to me. The rest of my day was typical meals.  Don't know what came over me tonight.

Quickly before you forget, write down what you were thinking/feeling when you rationalized the second sandwich.  Chances are, you've heard that in your head before and need to put it on paper and say it out loud. 

I don't know that there was much thought at all.  It was actually a blocking of thought because if I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done that.  I ignored my better judgement.  Intentionally blocked it.

Ok, if you intentionally blocked the thought, then you know what the thought WAS.  Was it that you didn't need another sandwich?  That you shouldn't have another sandwich?  That you weren't following your food plan if you had another sandwich? 

Also, if you intentionally blocked whatever thought above, WHY?  These are the kinds of things that we do that are generally considered "self sabotage"... and there is some reason that you chose to block/ignore your "better judgment".  It might be as simple as "I'm tired of following these rules so I'm not going to do it right now" to things with deeper emotional/psychological roots (fear of losing weight, etc.).

Lora

First, don't beat yourself up over a slip. That won't do anything except make you feel worse and potentially make you want to ease the negative feelings with food.

Second, you say you don't know what came over you, but finding the answer to that is the key to understanding what is going on and, more importantly, taking steps so that it doesn't happen again. Think about it more... let's start with these...

What kind of a day did you have? (Stressful? boring? depressed? etc.)
Was there anything unusual about the day?
How were you feeling when you made the first sandwich? When you ate it?
How were you feeling when you made the second sandwich? When you ate it?
How muc time elapsed between the two sandwiches? Did anything happen between them?
What were you doing while you were eating them?
Were you bored? lonely? angry? sad?

Lora

Dear lulusmom87, what  was going through your mind before you walked to the peanut butter and sugar free jelly.  Hungry?  Or was it that you missed the binge feeling, the instant satisfaction?  I'm not sure what was going on in your mind but tomorrow is another day.  I am just starting out on my journey, I've had a consultation and nutrition class.  My insurance says another 5 months before I can qualify for surgery.    So I can't tell you that I know how you feel but keep up the good work, tomorrow is almost here:)

Actually, the day was fine.  It was sunny for a change.  Upon reflection, I think I didn't eat an adequate or appropriate dinner.  I had curried quinoa.  I wanted to try quinoa because it's touted as being a good source of protein.  But  I just had the quinoa, no other protein, no salad, no veggies.  I think I became overly hungry several hours later and the desire for something sweet overcame me.  Since I keep nothing with sugar in the house, I turned to carbs and fat.

I've noticed in the past that if I don't eat a good dinner, I tend to be edgy all night and wanting to snack.  I've managed to avoid it in the past but I think this is a wake up call.  I have to make sure I get a good, high protein, but well balanced dinner....every nite.

I'm also going to have to start planning my meals so that I make sure I have that good, balanced dinner.

First, don't beat yourself up;  your tummy is taking care of that right now.  From now on, keep something protein handy for those moments.

I try to keep a good deli meat and sliced cheese on hand, makes it easy to grab a quick snack without having to live through a bad decision later!

It's all trial-and-error.  You'll get it!

That was my biggest problem before surgery. I would eat normally a lot of the time, then BAM! Crazy eating. My therapist recommended the book "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. Best thing I could have ever read about why I eat, how to identify 'head hunger', and how to take control of my eating process. It's still a work in progress every day, but I use the tools from the book. I highly recommend it. I've passed it to my sisters and they've passed it along now too.