Frustrated

I'm a preop and trying to wrap my head around the whole process.  A friend had RNY over 3 years ago and inspired me to do the same.  I've made multiple appointments with the surgeon and then cancelled them.  In that 3 years I've managed to put on another 25 pounds. I also have PCOS and would love to come off the metformin that I'm on to control it.  Recently I've been eating according to what I have researched to be healthy, and not what the food pyramid says.  I've also been exercising a lot.  In the past few months I've lost 19 pounds so far.

Great huh?  So why am I frustrated?  My mother, who is normally very supportive, is being a pain.  She doesn't want me to have the surgery.  Her reasoning is that I'm losing weight on my own.  She doesn't seem to want to hear that I've done that many times before and then gain it back plus more.  She doesn't want to hear that it would virtually eliminate the PCOS symptoms.  Then she tells me to see what Dr Oz says. 

Thankfully DH is being suportive.  I just hoped that my mother would be as well.

Heather

Heather -

While having your mother's support is very helpful in going through the process it is not going to be her life that is changed by having / not having this surgery done. 

Parents can be tricky things to deal with...but if it was me (and it has been in the past) I would sit her down after making a list of pro's and cons and show them to her.  She sees you losing weight and thinks that going to the extreme of surgery (and it IS an EXTREME choice) is not worth it because at 19 lbs you obviously can lose it on your own.  What she doesn't see is losing isn't the same as maintaining, and yo-yo'ing is worse yet.

I think you need to sit down and like I said - pros / cons and really have a heart to heart.  Set some ground rules for the conversation so you can get your piece said before she reacts...also listen to her side; even though the surgery isn't on her, these things do affect our loved ones. 

In the end it's your body, life, and decision.

Sol

 I feel your pain - pretty much everyone in my family was very supportive except my mother. She's struggled with obesity her whole life and I think her resistance was due to some jealousy and some of her occupational bias - she's an ICU nurse and has only ever known patients who had severe complications. If you don't see people who've been successful with this, your frame of reference is skewed. Family also can be worried about such a severe surgery and it's not to be underestimated. The recovery may be difficult, changes are LONG TERM, but if any of us could really just do this with diet & exercise, we woulda been there done that! 
Some people you may have to just put your foot down and tell them to keep their worries to themselves. Count on those who are supportive, ignore those who aren't gonna be helpful.

This is exactly why I did not tell my mother!

Hi there.  I'm from Mass too:)   I also had the same problem.  My mom knows how many diets on/off and the struggling I have w/weight (she is in the same boat) but she was such a pain also, but more so about me going to have surgery she was very scared because of "stories " she has heard.  I explained you always hear about the bad ones never the successful ones.  Yes, it is hard, but to me being healthier losing the gerd, high blood pressure and swollen legs/ankles will be worth it for me.  Everyday she would call w/more stories of friends of friends who have had it done.  But, in the end I told her I have to do it for me to make me happy regardless of what she thinks.  The day of surgery and when I came home she was right there w/me helping me and not even saying I told you so! lol  So I think it was more that she wanted to make sure I came out of anestetia (sorrry spelled wrong).  I'm 27 days out and doing pretty good.  When is your date for?

Thanks everyone.  I have sat down and given pros and cons.  She will agree for a few minutes and then go and talk to other people.  You know the ones who have known all those millions who have had the surgery and are a mess or have gained it all back.  I think in her case, that I'm going to have to just avoid the topic for as long as possible.  I still have a long road ahead of me, and nevativity is not what I need.

Heather

Ultimately, you have to be sure the Surgery is what you want to do.  It is great to have family support, but if not come to OH for support.  This is your new life and new prespective.  Love you!!!! and be at peace with your decisions and others will follow your lead.  Keep your head up!!!
Reesheda

Sounds like you're doing great.

Your mom may come around in time.  Or maybe not.  While her support would be nice, it's not a requirement.  Just surround yourself with other people that are supportive.

Is your mom overweight? Sometimes jealousy can play a factor. It's still your body and you can make this choice for yourself. My mom was 100% supportive. I'm very lucky.

You guys are fabulous! 

My mother is a few pounds overweight, but has never had a major weight issue, so I know it isn't jealousy.  She's more the type that is happy and supportive as long as you're doing something that she approves of.  She thinks that the surgery will be detrimental to my health.   I have researched this completely and have had 2 doctors tell me that I'm a perfect candidate for the surgery.  That's not good enough. 

Anyway, you are all right when you say that while her support would be nice, it is not necessary.  I have support from elsewhere and hopefully she'll come around. 

Thanks again!

Heather