Need some advice!

I am having such a hard time talking to my "larger" friends/family about their own weight loss. I dont know how to be a simpathetic ear and say oh yeah thats hard when your over weight with out feeling like Im  irritaing them. I just end up feeling guilty because I have lost a ton of wieght and they havent or have gained and I know thats not my fault but I know that feeling when it seems like your the only one who is fat and everyone around you is shrinking. I guess I just dont know where I fit in either.. Im definately not in the "skiny" crowd or at least it doesnt feel like it but then I dont belong in the "big" club either.. Im just soo confused right now!! I dont ever want to offend any one because I know the pain and frustration of being a very large person.  I  feel like people are mad at me.. Is this something thats in my head or has anyone gone through this point where you are walking on eggshells not sure where you fit in anymore??

You are not alone.  Sadly, in order to change your life for the better, you may lose some friends in the process.  that said, you are not what you weigh, but often socialization is around food.  You just have to learn to say no, or make it 'coffee'.

Others may be jealous of your weight loss, and there isn't much you can do about that.

I didn't have any of those feelings, but I must say, I never brought up my weight loss to anyone, especially to my overweight friends. If they asked, and some did, I would answer questions or talk about it. I never wanted anyone to feel like I was rubbing their nose in my success.

I will say that the skinny, snobby moms in my neighborhood who ignored me when I was obese were nicer to me when I got to an average weight, but now that I'm thinner than most of them, they're rude to me again. That's OK, though. Living well is the best revenge!! 

Laura

I don't understand why people would be mad at you.  But if you think they might be and aren't sure if it's in your own head or not, why not just ask them?  Ask if they are mad at you and if so, what you can do so that you don't offend them in the future.

If you have a hard time talking to people about their weight loss, well, do you have to talk about their weight?  Can't you find other topics of discussion?

If they bring up the issue of weight, you can just say something like, "Yeah, losing weight is really hard" or "sticking to a diet is hard" or just, "I hear what you're saying."

I have both the "larger" and "skinny" friends and family.  I have to say that I too felt a little uncomfortable in the begining talking to my "larger" friends and family, but I realize two things...first, they know I had surgery as a tool to losing the weight. Second, they still see me as a friend they have not changed...I have.  So that said I suggest that it is mostly you making you feel uncomfortable, let it go and try having the same conversations you would have had with them prior to surgery.  I bet they respond better to your honesty then to your uncomfortable sensoring of your true feelings.  It is all about the way you present yourself in most cases...so feel free to be yourself, and if they cannot accept who you are, then it is truely time to seek out other friendships.  Family is another story...if they cannot accept who you are then taboo the subject with them and talk about something else...but you still have to be honest with them and tell them that it simply is a taboo subject because it is causing friction between you. More than likely though if you let go of the feelings of uncomfort and just be yourself...it will all go away.

Best of luck,

Jackie