Most of my friends are pretty thin, not skinny with perfect bodies but normal sized girls.  They have all been so supportive of my WLS and never gave me any trouble or grief.  They were all so good about asking how I was doing and complimenting me often.  I was so happy to have a good support group.

But as soon as I got thinner then some of them their support seemed to vanished.  I even heard that one of them, a very close friend, was sort of talking behind my back about my WL and it was not very positive.  I confronted her, asked why she would say those things and she sort of denied saying them.  So maybe I heard it wrong, but whatever.  

So am I not allowed to ever talk about my diet or act like I have not lost weight?  Is this something she will get over?  It's weird.  She is pretty thin so why does she care.

Women are so strange.  

 Funny how they are so happy for you then get so jealous isn't it. For me it wasn't a friend but my oldest sister. I have always been the fat one always. Now I am smaller then her. once I got close to her in weight she started to diet and lose. One day I was over her place and my kids wanted a snack so I went to get them one and she had all this WW stuff and I said oh are you going to WW again. She made the comment that not everyone can do it the easy way. I was like ya I had to get surgery and you just had to drive to the mall for a meeting. I cant eat more then .5 a cup of food at a time...she just has to count points. i said a few other things and so did she. her hubby came in and told her to stop that she needed to stop being jealous that I looked so good and was happy and healthy that it was not a competition...she has changed her ton since then.

I think what it is is that they get scared honestly that they are not sure now who they are in the group dynamic anymore.

Personally, I really do not talk about my weight loss or surgery. Only rarely, and only if someone asks me directly. People really do not want to hear about it. If you need a support group, I suggest you go to an actual bariatric support group. Other WLS peeps are really the only ones who can relate, but even then there is a lot jealous involved at those groups, too.

Laura

 Totally Agree. 

Laura,

I 100% totally agree with you.

People don't really want to hear about it with one exception, and that is generally from those who are contemplating surgery themselves.

While I have never hidden the fact that I've had surgery, I also do not discuss it unless someone actually searches me out to discuss it for the purpose of making their own decision with regard to having wls.

ditto.

 I don't talk about my WL all the time, and I do attend a support group.  When you are very close friends with people and you eat out or attend events it often comes up, especially this questions, "what can you eat"  Oh how I am starting to hate that questions.  So there have been times and I have tried to explain to my close friends that I can eat whatever I want, just like they can, but the point is to make good choices and that is what I am trying to do.

Maybe she is not jealous, cause she is thin so why would she care that I was thin?  I think she misses the old me....does that make sense.  My father mentioned the same thing when we were out at dinner on night, he said "are you ever going to be able to eat normal again, I miss that about you".  That comment made me so sad, like one of the parts of me that my dad loved is now gone.  It seems my beer and food consumption was one of the things that some of my friends loved too.

I still go out and do all the same things, I just don't consume that much and I think that is what is bothering people, that I have changed so much.  Not just physically but in other ways.  I think too that some people see me making these good choices, I don't mention them they can see them, and if they are big they start to feel bad about themselves and instead dealing with their own emotions they just want to put the blame on me and "stop hanging out with me"

So it is not a matter of me sitting around talking about my diet all the time, I am careful not to do that.  It is more the changes that can be seen that people don't seem to like now that I am further along in the process.

Hi Lisa.
It's definitely safe to say that some people are very uncomfortable with change and don't know how to be happy for other people because they're used to being selfish, self-centered, and having everything be all about them.
Well, with that being said, honey, you ARE changing and are going to continue to change for several months and if this "friend" can't handle it or be supportive instead of acting ugly then you need to find the right people to surround yourself with who will support you and encourage you to make positive strides. In one of my post-op support groups (which I suggest you find one as well in your area) I've heard of this type of situation happening with patients who had to break ties or cut people from their lives because those particular friends or family members weren't for them, but against them. Sadly, this type of behavior is stemmed from jealousy, and there is nothing for you to apologize for. You made the decision to have WLS for yourself, your health, and a new start on life, and if your so-called friend would rather talk badly about you than share in your joy and success, then I think it's time to call a spade, a spade.

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

That is just so upsetting that your close friend would talk about you like that. Were her remarks actually derrogatory? I have been thinking about this situation a lot lately. It seems that within a group dynamic people have their "position" and when you do something like...get healthy or become smaller than another member...your position within that group changes and people really don't like change. They have their minds wrapped around the dynamic as it is and when you have the "audacity" to change, then it changes the familar and then resent you for creating the change........THAT BEING SAID......this is sooooo not your fault or your problem. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Yes, women are very hard on each other.

I'm having the SAME exact problems, but with cousins. All of my family is overweight except for 2 of my cousins. They were somehow blessed with this amazing metabolism and literally will not gain weight. At first they were happy.. but now that there's a noticeable difference, they basically rarely talk to me now. I think they're just getting scared that they finally won't be the only two thin ones of the family. But I don't see why me finally getting healthy and having the body I've always wanted would affect them.. some people are just straight up weird. Here's me with them pre-op. Two of the skinniest girls ever. http://www.obesityhelp.com/myoh/photos/755784/-/Screen-shot-2011-08-11-at-1-39-57-PM-png/