BFF not very supportive

I have finished all my pre-op testing and have started my 14 day pre op diet which will not fun but, I can do it (like I have a choice here lol).  I recently stopped smoking Yea me:).  I am super  excited, but my best friend (who has never struggled with weight) is really starting to bother me with some of her statements..for instance, "I like you the way you are, why do you want to do this"  "you mean you won't be able to eat/drink (fill in the blank)"  etc.  I have tried to explain to her that I like me too and I am doing this for my  health, not to be a supermodel... which I'll never be,  but I am getting the feeling that she would rather see me fat and unhealthy so she can be comfortable... I am rather putt off at this point, I don't want to lose this friend, BUT...

Why not ask her why she prefers you to be fat and unhealthy?

And then tell her what you want/expect from her.  Like tell her you do not want her to try to talk you out of surgery or ask you what you will be able to eat afterwards or whatever it is that she does that bothers you.

It's funny you said that Kelly.. I actually looked at the the evening she said that to me and asked her if she would rather see me fat and unhealthy... she had NO response, which makes me wonder...

rebecca
you are doing what is the right thing for you dont let anyone make you feel like its the wrong choice its not for everyone and not everyone is going to agree with it you are going to see that you will lose friends and family members will not want to speak with you
dont worry because you have all of us here and the bariatric family out in the world who knows what you are going thru and will support you
i recommend that you attend a support group close to you as often as you can
you can always message me and reach out to everyone here

after you are done healing and the pounds fall off you will be so happy you made the choice that you didn if she is a real friend she will come around

youtu.be/F5ig8QcCdh8

my you tube video check it out

I could write a book on this subject.  In my pre surgery psych eval.  He told me I was going to loose alot of friends over this surgery.  I thought he was crazy.  He was spot on.  I was always the biggest one in the group.  When I became the smallest one, the phone stopped ringing.  It was well, we were going to invite you but we didn't know what you could eat.  blah blah blah.  OMG you're so skinny, you look aneorexic.  Check out my pics, I'm FAR from that.  They have insecurities and like the fact they are skinnier than you.  Get healthy, enjoy life and trust me you will make new friends!  I cleaned house of these unsupportive people and am better for it. I was shocked that some of these friends I had for over 20 years.   You can't put a price on health! :D Best wishes on your surgery.

My therapist talks about this a lot, that people have trouble handling changes that you make in your life. I'm sorry your BFF is being this way. But how could a friend is she, really, if she actually prefers that you stay overweight and unhealthy?

Hang in there! And GOOD LUCK with your surgery!

Thanks guys... my surgeon actually told me to "disassociate myself with sabatours (sp)"  I thought he was nuts:)  I guess not

  Change is scary to the people that care about you.  My grown children were concerned because "it won't feel the same when we hug you".    If you were just having, say, knee surgery.. it wouldn't change who you are.  You would have the surgery and then you would recover and you would be done.   This is a life changing surgery.  Do you find that you talk about it a lot?  Talk about how much you have lost so far or what you can or can't eat? 
  I know that my friends and I ate together a lot.   A typical "go out with the girls" was a large breve mocha and then maybe dinner or lunch somewhere.  It was scary to them (and to me) that this might have to change.  What do we do now that food isn't the thing we do together?? 
   Find something that you guys like to do together that doesn't involve the topic of food/weight.  Then, just enjoy your time together.  Try to keep your new "obsession" off the table as far as topics go.  This doesn't mean you can NEVER talk about it.. of course, you want support and mostly likely your friends/family want to give you support, but you have to make sure that it doesn't become the focus of your friendship.  
   Maybe I'm just projecting because this is an issue that *I* am having right now.  
                      Good luck to you!  And congrats on making the decision to get healthier!  Quitting smoking is such a HUGE step and it was just the first of many.  =] 

i simply made it a point to not associate with anybody who brings me down . we have a prpose in life. how can we achieve that purpose if we are sick-tired-and nearly dead. dont worry with your friend . get yourself where u need to be. if she is a true friend she will stick around. just tell her to shush..

I know exactly how you feel, although my (old) BFF never made those kinds of comments to me, ever since i told her i was approved for surgery(back in july) i rarely even speak to her anymore. She never calls or anything. Even though her own MOM had the same surgery only 4 months before me. Its so sad that people who we consider friends, prove to be otherwise. But hey, you are doing what is best fr you! And good luck to you in your journey! Im excited for you!