Anxiety about returning to work

Okay, so I know that returning to work is probably not fun for many people, unless you're one of the lucky few who actually like your job.  But my anxiety is more than that.  I grappled with the decision of whether to tell people or not tell people about the surgery.  In the end, I decided to tell only my closest friends. 

Now I am facing going back to work in a few weeks after a "medical leave" and I am down close to 30 lbs now and with any luck this stall will end and it will be more by the time I return.  I just feel like it will be obvious that I have lost some significant weight in a short period of time.  The idea of being a spectacle and having people wondering about what I did to lose the weight makes me totally uncomfortable.

There is such a stigma about WLS, I know because before I developed diabetes I too looked at those who had it as weak people who were going to extremes to take the easy way out.  Now, having gone through it, I can safely say that what I have been through so far has been more difficult than a lifetime of dieting.  There is NOTHING easy about this.  And I didn't even have many complications!

I had the surgery because I knew that my weight was slowly killing me and I took a calculated risk to improve my health.  (Happy to say that my blood sugar has normalized!!!)  But now I am going to face the scrutiny of all of these people and I am really anxious about it.  I know they will be assuming I had surgery and be judging me and I know I shouldn't care but I do.

I spent so much time being fat and telling myself that if I flew under the radar no one would notice.  Now the weight loss is going to make me the center of attention, at least at first.

I'd love to hear how other people dealt with this or similar issues.  Did you tell everyone before hand or was it the elephant in the room after you lost weight.  (No pun intended!!!)

Thanks!

You'll soon know who were your "closest friends"". A similar post was up earlier today. Person said she told a few people "in confidence". One of these close friends ended up with WLS, and soon was comparing their wt loss with the person who wanted it kept "secret".  Once you tell someone, it's likely others will know, unless this is a really good friend.  Wt loss is noticed by people that see you all the time, so it's likely you'll get "grilled" about your noticeable wt loss in the near future.  I personally saw no issue about telling family and friends about my surgery.  If you're on any forum about wt loss, and your profile is public, savy people can find you've had surgery.  Good luck in explaining your wt loss without letting others know the truth. DAVE

Even if you don't use your name Dave?

I have not shared details of my surgery with coworkers. They know I was out on a medical leave for a few weeks, and they know I have lost a lot of weight. I simply said I had health issues flare up and am working with my doctor and a nutritionist. I also got a personal trainer at one point,.

It helped that I do not work with the same group of people every day soon one was ally watching g what I ate. But I learned very quickly that no one really cared what I ate. I took my own lunch to a business meeting.

My job also is one where obesity was viewed very negatively. We are not close friends, and honestly I didn't want to deal with the stigma of the surgery either!!


And when people ask about weight loss, say this:
Iam working with my doctor and a nutritionist.
I eat a high protein diet.
I eat every 3 hours or so to keep my blood levels stable.
I have given up refined carbs.
I don't eat refined sugar.
I write down e erything I eat.
No caffeine.
No diet soda or carbonated beverages.
No alcohol.
I Exercise daily. Hard.
Etc....

And you know what? They don't want to hear it. It sounds like too much work. Now, if you were putting HCG drops in your mouth, they might want to hear more...Ironic huh?

You might want to start walking at lunch to avoid emphasis on your food portions for a while. Just a thought!

Hang in there!

I had a similar experience as you...I didn't tell many people that I was having surgery and only 1 person at my work knew.  I dreaded going back also -I thought there would be a lot of prying and unwanted questions.  It was not nearly as bad as I expected!!.  I think a couple of people guessed what type of surgery I had but surprisingly no one has come out and asked.   If anyone does I will just tell them I had some abdominal surgery.  Not that I'm ashamed but for people that are not close to me it's just not their business and I don't feel it's necessary to explain myself to them.

Hope you don't have any problems once you are back to work!

Kelly

If you're going to lose like 100 pounds or more there's no way they won't figure it out at your work. You'ld be surprised at how receptive people can be - and then there are those that really want to know about the procedure, etc for their own research. I felt like I was the ambassador for wls in my success in helping others. You said you "had the surgery because you you knew that your weight was slowly killing you." I can't think of a better explanation than that to tell others if they ask. Let them scrutinize away - you're going to be showing them how healthy you can be, how weight loss is atainable even for those who are obese o morbidly obese, how eating well and exercising is the key to losing and keeping it off. You may inspire a lot of people. Small minded individuals will always be there. Don't give them the time of day. I told everybody I knew and some people I didn't know. I was amazed at the positive response and the ones that came up to me later saying thank you for bringing it out there cause I'm thinking of doing it too. For me I said "my doctor and I chose this as a way to make myself happier and healthier" most people won't argue with an M.D. If the comments get around to "you've lost too much, you're too skinny now" you can always reply "my doctor and I are keeping a close eye on my progress but thanks for your concern". Be proud of what you did, that you took your life and health into your own hands and did something about it. Yes, you'll be the center of attention - turn it around to be positive for yourself and others. Youll be surprised at the positive you'll get back.

Jen 10 yrs post op. (and most people kept this a secret at work 10 yrs ago!) RNY 

Ok, so you aren't happy with your job, apparently you have a stressful and hostile work environment if you are worried about your coworkers "guessing." 
I would think it would be pretty humiliating to have people s******ing behind your back about anything personal.  What if you were more open about it, not necessarily broadcasting it, but if someone asked you directly maybe you could explain that it was medically necessary for your diabetes.

I'm not sure how I would handle it, I have worked in offices where I absolutely dreaded conversations with some of the nasty women there.  

Remember, you have taken control of your health and your wellbeing.  Now that you are in control and not food, you will be able to look at other facets of your life and start taking control of other situations.  Maybe it's time for a little spin control!  If you control the message, you will feel more empowered than you do now.  If you let everyone guess and gossip on their own, it could lead to some very ugly feelings on both sides.  Do you think if they know it will be more uncomfortable?

Good luck! 

Sara in Maui

PS I told everyone.  I live in a small town where everyone knows everything about everyone else, nowhere to hide!  Lots of good things have happened to me, everyone has been very supportive and I know how fortunate I am to have such good friends!




you've been off work for quite a while, they could think you have cancer or something equally devastating. 

I just told the people closest to me at my office--my administrative assistant and budget person.  But it was tough.  I came back after only two weeks and had an abscess I didn't know about, so I was sick (I actually threw up in the trash can in front of my university class...yikes!)  I know some people have guessed; I don't know who knows and who doesn't at this point.  If anyone asks, I tell them.  It was actually more of a problem at church.  I told one small group there and EVERYBODY knew, and everybody has an opinion too.  Now I feel everyone's watching to see how much I'm losing, what I'm eating, etc. 

Before you go back to work...  script and practice ahead of time what questions you might be asked, and what information you are willing to reveal with your answers. 

For example: 

Comment:  You have lost a lot of weight....   You look so good....    Response:   Thank you.   (practice just pausing and letting the response end here). 

Question:   How did you lose so much weight...    Response:   I've been working with my doctor on my health.   It's been a lot of hard work, so thank you for noticing.   

Most people won't keep asking if you keep your answers short and simple and don't elaborate.   For those who do - it's fair play to turn the tables back ... " That's kind of personal, why do you ask?" ,  "I have to lose weight the same way everyone else does,  eat less and exercise more"....    Or the ever popular standby of switching the subject by bringing up a current event, recent TV show or movie, the weather, or sporting event.  :-) 

Bottom line is practice how you will respond... it's generally when people catch us off guard or unprepared that our response reveals more than we are comfortable with. 

Best wishes... 

Jody 

I've decided to keep my surgery to myself. I had problems with one of my kids this summer and used up all of my FMLA to be home with her. I had one or two phone calls from a couple of people at work, and that's it! I sure found out *****ally gave a blink about how things were for my family. One person even said to me, when I returned to work, that I must have had a lovely summer off....sure!!! Another reason is that one of our nurses had the surgery and she lost a lot of weight, now she's had gained all of it back and some. I hear some of my co-workers making comments about how big her rear is & making fun of her behind her back. So not cool, therefore I've decided to keep my mouth shut. I'm usually very open and wear my heart on my sleeve, but not with this one. It's obviously a very individual and personal decision to make. I will tell people I've had my gallbladder out and that I got pneumonia so that I can stay out a little longer, since my job is back breaking and very stressful. Not sure if this will help, but its the other side of the coin, as they say. Believe me, I HATE TO LIE, but I feel that in this case, it's no ones business but mine.