Help with family support

Hi everyone. I am new to this board, but am looking for another form of support and encouragement during this time in my life. I am currently in the process of getting approved for RNY, and am hoping to have surgery sometime early next year.

My husband of 8 years is being very supportive of my decision to have surgery and is hoping to lose some weight as well with the dietary changes I have alredy begun making. My doctor feels this is a very good option for me as I have struggled with my weight for quite sometime.

My parents on the other hand are not being very supportive. They keep telling me that this seems so "extreme." When making Christmas cookies the other day at my mom's, I told her I didn't want to take any home with me as we are trying to not eat that much stuff anymore. She replied "I wonder how much weight you would have lost if you had tried this before deciding to do surgery?" Does she not realize that I HAVE????

Anyone out there have similiar troubles with families not being very supportive? My parents don't live with us, so that won't make much difference, but right now, I just feel like a disappointment. All I want is to be around longer for my family and know that I won't be if I don't do something drastic!  Sorry this is so long

 Yeah, and it hurts! But they usually don't mean to be so hurtful - usually it's coming from a place of fear & concern. This is a major surgery. There are risks. Your parents may be afraid for your health but just have a poor way of expressing their concern. To get to this point, we all have had to go thru a long process of "tried and failed"; that in itself is something to overcome & change. So it feels like a blow when your loved ones are less-than-supportive; focus on those that are! With hope, and seeing you as a success, they may come around. 
My mother, who is a nurse, was the least supportive person when I made the decision to have surgery & outright said some hurtful things. Now, as I've lost almost 130lbs over the past year, she says she's proud of me.....

There is always going to be people who don't get it. The most important thing is that you get it. 

It doesn't sound like they don't support you have surgery but just feel that you don't need it. I had a couple people in my family tell me the same thing. They honestly didn't see how fat I was, how it affected me or how it was going to affect me in the future. All they say was me, not my weight. 

I had surgery almost a year ago. Its a long hard process and best of luck to you. I think your parents will come around-

Valerie

Thanks guys. My mom knows how fat I am, she said she can see how much weight I have gained over the last few years. I am a RN, am aware of the risks, but the benefits outweigh the risks SO much over! Oh well. My husband and co workers support the decision, I guess I will hang out with them more than my family until they see the positive side of things.

Don't get too frustrated. My sugary is on Tuesday and I have been hearing it too from e old generation of loved ones. Remember, they are only concerned and want the best for you. I have come to realize through the prep process that comments come from love and CERN and people who have not lived in an 300, 400 or 500 pound body just don't understand. I have lot nearly 25 pounds since on optifast, and have not second guessed my self. My wife has been a rock of support for me, just keep looking to your husband when you need support and all will be good. Remember your moms comments most likely come from fear. Book luck on your journey!

I'm guessing your parents have been like this a long time.  So you're probably not going to change them.  You can set some boundaries, like you can tell them you do not want them to try to talk you out of having surgery, and then if they start you can hang up the phone or leave the room.  You can also tell them specific things you'd like them to do to be supportive, like if they normally give you candy for Christmas you could tell them you'd really appreciate some fresh fruit instead.  But you can't make them be supportive.

What you can do is find people that will be supportive and surround yourself with those people.  You can get the support you need, you just might not get it from your parents.  And trying to make them do something they just won't/can't will only frustrate you both.

 I am pre-op like you and I have decided that the only opinions that I will even listen to are my own, my husband's, and our 2 kids'.  Family support would be wonderful, but unless someone has lived in our bodies they just don't understand how desperate we are to feel better and live a full life.  I think joining this forum is a great way to find support, and to see what's going on with others who have already had the surgery as well.  Be strong and know that many of our friends and loved ones have no idea how unhappy and unhealthy we feel.  Many people are really afraid of surgery, I am personally afraid to try to keep living as I am.  Thanks for your post and best of luck!
Melissa