just some thoughts

So tonight I went out with all my friends to dinner at Yuki Japannese steakhouse. Its a hibachi place. Well the guy cooking kept talking to me and asking me questions. After dinner my best friend Janie said to me that I alwasy seem so awkward and uncomfortable when Im the center of attention. I think its from years of just wanting to not be noticed and dissappear in a room because of my weight. I wonder when I lose my weight will things like that change. Will there always be an insecure person inside of me? Will I ever feel comfortable after not being comfortable in my skin for so long? Just wondering how others have felt about it.

Whether or not I feel comfortable being the center of attention depends on the situation.  I used to run anger management groups, and I taught GED classes and  English as a second language classes, and I was comfortable being the focus of attention in those settings.  I feel kind of awkward when strangers talk to me a lot, though.  But I don't think I am any  more or any less comfortable with it since losing weight.  I have some insecurities but they aren't really about my size.

I'm not at goal yet, but I'm still struggling with this.  Part of me loves the new attention, but part of me is use to being invisible.  I'm hoping this will get better so I don't seem like such a bumbling crazy person when all eyes are on me :)

I seem to be starting to feel better with attention, though I still struggle on how to accept compliments.  I am 4 months out and have lost 90 pounds and just the other day I was in the grocery store and this very attractive butcher walked up to me and said hello and asked how my day was. At first I thought he was just doing his job, but then I realized he did not talk to any of the 10-15 other people standing around me. I smiled to myself and realized that I think the way I carry myself (not staring at the floor, smiling at people who walk by) is making me seem more approachable. Made me happy.

Maybe the insecure person will be there, but little by little she'll learn to deal with situations where you're the center of attention. Soon, you won't even notice it.

I've always done well being the center of attention, mostly, I think, because my parents would put me in those situations. Like when we would have dinner they'd make me tell a joke or a story and I got used to the attention. Ive learned to handle different situations.

The only time I get uncomfortable is if the person is being creepy. Then I start shuffling my feet and looking for a way out, usually by saying, "oh, my phone is ringing! I gotta take this..." and walking away as I "answer" my phone.

It gets better. I can still have a hard time with people I dont know talking to me or showing me attention. I get completely tongue tied DOH! I have an issue with not recognizing someone is interested and then being too open and getting myself into situations I am not comfortable with and having to figure out how to extract myself...hoping that gets better soon