Confused....X-boyfriend wants me back now

He is your EX for a reason. Hold your head up and look forward with the grace of a woman that knows her worth. Just because he has a good job it does not mean he is a good person - especially after the way he treated you. With every goodbye we learn. Good luck dear girl and enjoy the ride to the new you!

I will be the lone dissenter here. I broke up with my now boyfriend years ago. I did not like ME back then. I was all kinds of crazy in the head. I knew I loved him but could not believe he really loved me. I drove BOTH of us crazy with my insecurities. I had to learn to love myself before I could really love anyone else. 15 years later we got back together. Things are so good between us now.

I'm not sure what your issues were with your boyfriend, but if part of it was on you, then maybe think about giving him another chance. If he was a complete ass throughout your relationship, then don't settle.

No...my issue was and is I love too hard.  I am a what you would call a mender of hurt hearts...We both have gone through a divorce his more expensive than mine...and he was so stuck on the woman will not run me, take from me, do this to me do that to me.  And I have spent a whole year proving to him that I did not need anything from him.  I have a great career and make my own way very well. So all I need is peace of mine knowing the man I am in a relationship with is genuine and sincere, but mostly I know we have a solid foundation in our relationship.  But when surgery approached he started thinking you will be small I will still be 300+ pounds . you will leave me , you won;t want me ..on and on (violins playing)  I kept telling him if you want me in your life I wont leave. So he shot it down, because of his insecurities!
Now it's Im sorry , I messed up, You are beautiful, and for the first time he told me He loves me..all this in one evening.. I was lilke who are you and what did you do with ______? I have given so much of myself to make him want me. But when he pulled away it made me stronger in a way.  And this surgery will change anybody's thought on life so I pray I make the right choice.

He doesn't sound like a long term deal. Take your time and check out all your opportunitues. Don't make any comittments until you find the best. No one owns you. Enjoy your new self confidence.

Move on. If you were not "good enough" before surgery for him, you're too good for him now.  He's a creep who wanted something different.  I vote thumbs down on this. DAVE

You know, playing the devils advocate, me being an insecure person I don't think I could handle worrying so strongly if my fiance suddenly changed his appearance. I may have left as well. Of course its wrong but I would need some time to adjust because I'm so jealous. I love my fiance dearly but the fear would definitely take over.

So my advice is if u do decide to give him a chance, make him work for it and prove to u his commitment. And this is of course if you had a healthy happy relationship overall prior to this. Good luck.

His reasons for leaving in your last post were lame.

My husband loved me just as much at 294 pounds as he does now. Sure he enjoys the new body but the love has not changed.

Why would you even want to give him another chance? Move on to better.


"I have given so much of myself to make him want me" This statement says so much. I think you really need to work on you, your self-esteem and your self-worth.
Are you trying to give up who you are to please him?

 I've got a little experience in this situation. My supposedly committed "fiance" got up and walked out the day I got home from having a hysterectomy (I was in my mid-thirties). Left his dirty plate on the table and walked out the door.

When we spoke again, I asked him why. He said he didn't know what to do. It was too much for him, or something like that.

Being a complete idiot and the weakest woman in the Western hemisphere, I took him back.

He treated me like dirt for three years. After the final year in which he cheated on me and left hints about his affairs where I would be sure to find them, I somehow got the backbone to leave him for good.

What a waste of four years of my life. Decades later, I still shake my head over what a fool I was. The helluvit is that I was utterly selfish: to spare myself short-term pain, to indulge my infantile need for anything that I could pretend was love, I screwed up my life. If only I had gotten over myself sooner.

I wish you strength, and the wisdom to tell the difference between genuine, mutual love and immature need. 

 It looks as though youlost more than just weight. YOU LOST A HEADACHE!!!  You're not stuck up, you love yourself more. There is nothing wrong with that. Have fun and explore. Get to enjoy the new you!  I have always said. If you keep reliving the past, you can never see the future. 

Stuck up, no way!!! He dumped you, and now he wants you back because you are losing weight!!! grrrrr... The best thing for you is to follow your heart, what do you want to do? You are strong!!