Sabotaging my own progress

I had my surgery Nov 1st 2011. My weight was 240 I am now 180 and people keep telling me i look great and dont need to lose more weight. They say the other ladies that had surgery same time look sick. I do a lot of walking and jogging and do get my protein in but had start drinking a glass or two of wine quite often and a frozen margarita here or there, which has a lot of empty calories.  My six month visit the Dr said i should weight approx 170 but i was 189. He said if i dont weigh 170 my next visit then he will dismiss me as his patient. That was 2 months ago. I weighed in this morning at 177.8. I have cut off  the wine and margaritas i have a little over 3 weeks to lose approx 10 pounds. I will do it and i will keep it off but concerned about how i will look. I normally dont care what others think but seem to be different now. Also i am no longer attracted to my spouse of 20 years. He is georgeous but has always drank, partied and stayed gone a lot. My whole outlook on life has changed and many say i had outgrown him over 10 years ago. He has never been supportive times i have lost weight in the past. comes in at 9 or 10 and fry up a big meal get in bed eat right next to me and still does. He cooks southern food hamhocks, pigfeet etc. I would really appreciate any feedback on these issues.

Everyone's journey is different.  Your back on track and that is what is important.  Look at what you have accomplished.

About your doctor - I'm floored that he said that to you - why didn't he refer you to a nutritionist to get you back on track?  Your the customer and it's your health NOT his, remember that and if that office is not supportive - then find one that meets your needs and helps you stay on track.

About your husband - WLS does result in changes, emotional, physically and sometimes environment.  Do you have a therapist you can talk this over with?  Perhaps you can find someone who specializes in eating/food/WLS issues.  Does your husband realize that he is not being very supportive?  You deserve to have a supportive partner.  I would highly recommend you talking this over with someone. 

Good luck.

I learned the hard way I cannot listen to anyone (other than my surgeon and other health care professionals) when it comes to this journey. 

I learned this when I told others I was having WLS and was told I was not "that" big, just a little fluffy, and that I needed to love myself as I was. The comments then changed  once I lost weight and those same people were quick to say I was too thin, did not need to lose any more, etc., etc., etc. 

As you lose weight and maintain the body seems to redistribute. What may appear too thin at one weight will look different months out even though you weigh the same.   I remember one family member telling me how much better I looked since the last time she saw me, which had been quite a while, because the previous time I was way too thin. Truth is  I weighed the exact amount both times plus/minus a pound or two at the most. 

You have to do what works for you, and then you have to stand by your convictions.  You never know the motive behind other peoples' opinions.  It did not take me long to figure out who my true supporters would be.

First so glad to hear you stopped drinking... and you have lost some of the weight the dr asked you too.. that's all good stuff.

I wanted to point something out... you keep saying "They tell me" .... What do YOU think...

Your friends and family will tell you, you have lost enough weight because they are comparing you to your former self...you look good NOW in comparison to before....When you started this journey what was your "goal" what did you WANT to look like? Are you there yet? I think it is important that you don't loose sight of YOUR goals by listening to other people...

As for your husband. I say you can't expect him to change because you have... he eats ham hocks in bed and he is doing things he has ALWAYS done...I would be inclined to seek therapy, perhaps he doesn't get how this would bother you...especially since he has always done it...

good luck

 Also was floored about your dr's comment. He'd dismiss you as a patient? Kinda sounds like negligence - I agree with the PP that you should at least be seeing a NUT before severing ties or fully writing you off. Everyone's journey is different, and just because you'd not lost to the rate he'd want, doesn't mean that at 2 years out you won't have made goal or kept the weight off. This is a marathon, not a sprint! I give you kudos for kicking the alcohol - a hard thing to do and may not have it's place in your new lifestyle. Speaking of that, with you not drinking, has that changed how your husband relates to you? It is sometimes in seeing changes in others that highlights our own defects, and perhaps he's responding to you in an unsupportive way because it highlights his own problems. Either way, individual & or couples therapy may have a place here - - whether it's to help bring you two on to the same page or to help you thru deciding if he has a place in your future. Good luck & keep fighting the good fight!!!

My surgeon refused to even discuss a weight loss goal saying that it spreads unrealistic expectations. I would seriously consider firing HIM and finding someone that has a genuine interest in helping you. They are out there, he obviously isnt one of them.

Glad you stopped drinking, I found myself imbiding too often and finally cut it off completely as well.

Sorry about the hubby, I cant really give advise on that as ive not been in that spot before but does sound like you have some hard decisions to make there. (hugs)

Thank you all for your insight into my issues. I dont think he cares if he is supportive. He is a great provider but after work its booze, marijuana and friends. I feel as if i have been in therapy for years thru complaining to my coworkers (lol) , friends and anyone else who would listen regarding marriage. But what sticks with me most is when my father died back in 1998 i was devastated, ate myself from a size 14 to a size 24 and ended up in grief counseling and after all i said her response to me was this: It sounds to me that your father always had your back and now you fear no one has your back NOT EVEN YOUR HUSBAND. She then drew a flower and talked about how you have to water and nurture. I stayed hoping things would get better but what happens is he pacifies me to keep me quiet for a little while and then each time he eases his way back to his old patterns. All that being said, I went to a WLS group therapy meeting and they gave us a hand out and one of the questions was: Can you identify who or what causes you to overeat (not those exact words just giving you the gist). His name was the first on my page, next was my adult daughter (whew!), my mother and my concern for my grandkids. I am learning to just pray and turn issues over to God. I feel he has given me answers time and again i ignore Him and things get progressively worse. I am now trying to get into myself and let everyone do them but just leave me alone. I just want to be free to be me, whoever that is. smile

A healthy lifestyle and happiness is more important than WL goals (although they sometimes can go together)...losing weight is not as important as living healthy...I've read that alchol can be a problem for us that had WLS so stopping is a good place to start...as to your husband...talk with him...it's difficult when two people have different cultures regarding lifestyle and diet but at the very least you can reach a consensus...I also think after years of marriage, sometime we need a trained third party like a councilor to help bridge the differences. good luck!

 Your surgeon is a bad doctor. He is ignorant and unhelpful. Maybe moving on to a physician / surgeon who is capable of and interested in helping you would be a good way of building up to standing up for yourself at home.

Good luck to you!