OT - family

Hollie313
on 7/25/12 4:27 am - MI
RNY on 05/09/12
So, lately I've been agitated with my brother and his family.  (we are the only 2 kids in our fam)

He texted me last week and asked me to send him a picture, since I've only seen him a handful
of times since surgery.  I texted back and said I'd do one better and drop by Sunday morning.
He said that sounded good.  Sunday morning came and DH and I drove down to his house.
(he is about 15 mins south of me)  As we are pulling into his subdivision, I see my sister-n-law
and nieces driving out of the sub.  I didn't really care since I was going to see him, not them.
I get to his house and he's nowhere to be found.  I text my niece and asked where her dad was.
She replied stating that he was called into work.

I was kind of irritated by this because it only takes a moment to text me and say that you won't
be home.  I felt it was very thoughtless and inconsiderate.  So, the rest of the day I was in a funk.
DH tells me that he noticed SIL's truck had a tail light out, so I texted her to tell her in hopes she
would avoid a ticket.  I didn't hear back from her.....which is annoying.  It's not like she works or
does anything other than lay out all day like the princess she thinks she is while my brother works 50-60 hours a week in a freaking sweat shop.  (yes....I am angry)  She is so freaking self-absorbed it makes me want to puke.  She'll call only when she needs something from me &
when it's convenient for her.

Anyhow, my eldest niece texted me last night and asked if my husband could come fix her
bedroom door.  I asked what happened.  She tells me that her mom and her 16 y/o sister
broke her bedroom door off the frame trying to break in.  I asked her why they were breaking in.
She said "because they wanted to use stuff that didn't belong to them."

I'm beyond annoyed now.  Not only is my SIL reverting back to her teenage years, but she's
teaching my younger niece that it's ok to break into people's rooms when you need to.  Nice
teaching her to be white trash!

So, I'm in a bind.  DH fixes stuff around their house all the time for free....but I feel like he
shouldn't do this.....or at least not for free....because these dumb azzez busted it on purpose.
And....installing doors are not the easiest thing to do.  I feel bad for my eldest niece because
at 25 I'm sure she wants her privacy, but at the same time why should my husband spend
half a day fixing something my stupid SIL broke for no good reason??

I feel like texting my SIL and telling her she will have to pay DH to fix the door....then again, she
doesn't work so it would just be my brother's money she's spending.  Maybe she and my
youngest niece should come work at my house to pay him back?

What should I do??
off the frame

Surgery: 5/9/12              HW: 302           SW:  287.6        CW:  158
            

(deactivated member)
on 7/25/12 4:33 am
This sounds like a frustrating, emotional situation. I can understand why you would feel upset. I'm dealing with my own crisis today but have some thoughts about this that I'm hoping I can share later. I know there are lots of people on here too who offer great advice. I wish I could be of more immediate help! My advice at the moment is to breathe and try to wait before you do or say anything. When I am very upset it's hard for me not to say things that are hurtful and can't be undone even with an apology.  Can you acknowledge your feelings right now and accept them but wait a day or two to confront your sister in law and possibly your brother and DH abou tthis?  Its of course up to you but I thought I would suggest that. Its understandable that you are feeling these emotions. Hang in there!
Dagne Tripplehorn
on 7/25/12 4:50 am - OR
RNY on 04/06/12
 I'm one to get caught up in other people's dramas and office politics. I always regret it. There's something about the energy that snares me.

When you see family getting harmed or used, it's hard to stay out of it because family is family, right? You want to help. I sympathize.
pwoo10
on 7/25/12 5:02 am - IN
RNY on 06/06/12
Just say NO.  And if a 25 year old wants privacy move out.  How many of us still lived at home at 25?  You dont' want yourself or your DH in the middle of the drama so stay out.  They have a habit of calling you to fix things because they can.  You can not keep helping people out or they will never learn how to take care of themselves.  Whats the chances that they would ever come and help you out if you needed it?
        
Hollie313
on 7/25/12 5:19 am - MI
RNY on 05/09/12

She is still at home because she's finishing up her nursing program at MSU and works p/t.  I
don't think she wants to be there, but she has to because school is so time consuming that
it doesn't allow her a ton of time to work.

However, you are right.  We are ALWAYS the ones to bail my SIL out.  I think what's annoying
is that she lives in her own little world with no regard to others.  She calls when she needs
something and that's it.  She's even called me to borrow money and prefaces it with "don't
tell your brother"....because she over-spent and knows he would be LIVID.

Did I mention I am 10 years younger than them???  I'm 35.

Surgery: 5/9/12              HW: 302           SW:  287.6        CW:  158
            

Oxford Comma Hag
on 7/25/12 5:09 am
Is it possible that your niece can ask your DH herself to come and fix it? That way it's just between them.  This sounds like a situation fraught with tension.

I have something similar going on with my BIL still living at home at 26, but I have to remind myself that everyone involved is an adult, and they have to make their own choices about what they are willing to deal with.

I would not make any suggestion of payment or anyone working it off. If your DH is willing, he can fix the door. If not, they will have to find another way.

For my sanity, I stay out of stuff as much as I can, and I recommend the same for you. I also have a princessy almost SIL and I'd like to snatch the smug beeyotch bald. But that won't really solve anything, so I try to avoid her like the plague.
H.A.L.A B.
on 7/25/12 6:24 am
IMO - she needs to ask her father to fix it.   If he can't do it -then they need to hire someone.

Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG

"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"

"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."

murdockt
on 7/25/12 6:55 am - Redmond, OR
One of my favorite quotes is a follows: "There are no victims...only volunteers." Your brother should have notified you that he had to work. However, the rest of the drama going on is allowed to continue because you have been trapped by it. Remove yourself and stop responding to it. No one is going to change because you think they should. You must change your response to the drama before you will be free of this.
Kat1313
on 7/25/12 9:15 am - Jacksonville , FL
RNY on 04/08/13
Loved your post, murdockt.  Will keep it in mind!



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