Not sure how to cope in a new way besides with food
I am five months out of surgery tomorrow and quite honestly, my life has been pretty stable and I have not had any major crises since surgery.
This morning at about 2:30 AM, my stepson's closest aunt was killed in a vicious murder-suicide. He is completly devastated and I am totally heartbroken for him. I have no idea how to deal with the overwhelming sadness and helplessness I feel. How can I make it better, How can this woman, so full of happiness and life, be gone so fast.
There are questions that may never be answered, like why her husband would possibly do such a thing and why he would do so in front of their 9 year old daugher. How will her daughter go on, how will my husband's ex-wife be able to go on without her sister, to whom she was so incredibly close? Right now, so many things are running through my head and before surgery, I would have fed my sorrow for this entire family with unhealthy food choices.
I know I can't do that now, and I am at a loss for how to cope with this!! How have others in our OH community dealt with feelings of loss, sorrow, and heartbreak following surgery?
Poppy
This morning at about 2:30 AM, my stepson's closest aunt was killed in a vicious murder-suicide. He is completly devastated and I am totally heartbroken for him. I have no idea how to deal with the overwhelming sadness and helplessness I feel. How can I make it better, How can this woman, so full of happiness and life, be gone so fast.
There are questions that may never be answered, like why her husband would possibly do such a thing and why he would do so in front of their 9 year old daugher. How will her daughter go on, how will my husband's ex-wife be able to go on without her sister, to whom she was so incredibly close? Right now, so many things are running through my head and before surgery, I would have fed my sorrow for this entire family with unhealthy food choices.
I know I can't do that now, and I am at a loss for how to cope with this!! How have others in our OH community dealt with feelings of loss, sorrow, and heartbreak following surgery?
Poppy
I'm so sorry. It's hard to even imagine. 
Consider finding a grief counselor to talk to that also understands addictions.
I've eaten every feeling I've ever had and it's still my very first thought when something happens. With addictions, you're "in recovery" for life, there's no cure. So rule #1, don't give up and give in because your addiction isn't being cured. It won't ever be, so don't set yourself up for failure.
Personally, I keep a journal. There's some support groups I go to when I need to for my own issues and I've been to OA but definitely not often mostly because of scheduling conflicts. But there's definitely support groups for grief issues. Hell, I've shown up at AA before when I needed help and there was nothing else. Addiction is addiction. I use meditation, exercise, art, finding someone to talk to. I take a long drive and sing along to a cathartic CD. So many different little things I've discovered that helps. In my previous relationship where I was required to be a housewife and little else, I volunteered most of my free time to keep my sanity and to feel like I had some purpose in the world that didn't involve housework. You want to feel better, make others feel better too. You need consoling, console others. You need compassion, give it. Etc, etc. I worked with homeless people and animals alot. I bet you can come up with some of your own.
Consider finding a grief counselor to talk to that also understands addictions.
I've eaten every feeling I've ever had and it's still my very first thought when something happens. With addictions, you're "in recovery" for life, there's no cure. So rule #1, don't give up and give in because your addiction isn't being cured. It won't ever be, so don't set yourself up for failure.
Personally, I keep a journal. There's some support groups I go to when I need to for my own issues and I've been to OA but definitely not often mostly because of scheduling conflicts. But there's definitely support groups for grief issues. Hell, I've shown up at AA before when I needed help and there was nothing else. Addiction is addiction. I use meditation, exercise, art, finding someone to talk to. I take a long drive and sing along to a cathartic CD. So many different little things I've discovered that helps. In my previous relationship where I was required to be a housewife and little else, I volunteered most of my free time to keep my sanity and to feel like I had some purpose in the world that didn't involve housework. You want to feel better, make others feel better too. You need consoling, console others. You need compassion, give it. Etc, etc. I worked with homeless people and animals alot. I bet you can come up with some of your own.
How devastating for you and your family! My heart goes out to you all. This is really a trying time especially when you have to find a new way to deal with the stress and heartbreak.
My way to deal with things now is to get physical. Go for a walk, clean the woodwork in the house, wash walls or windows, clean out the fridge or freezer, rearrange cupboards. Pull weeds in the yard. Anything that is physical and doesn't require me to really be paying attention to small details. I also have a small dog and I've been known to vent to her and have a good cry. She's very consoling! I'm not sure of your religious beliefs, but if you have them, then pray for strength to get through this and for strength for the members of the family as well.
Your husband's ex-wife will be able to go on with a support. It will take time. With the daughter I can only suggest counseling. How traumatic for one so young!
Again, my heart goes out to you in this moment of tragedy.
My way to deal with things now is to get physical. Go for a walk, clean the woodwork in the house, wash walls or windows, clean out the fridge or freezer, rearrange cupboards. Pull weeds in the yard. Anything that is physical and doesn't require me to really be paying attention to small details. I also have a small dog and I've been known to vent to her and have a good cry. She's very consoling! I'm not sure of your religious beliefs, but if you have them, then pray for strength to get through this and for strength for the members of the family as well.
Your husband's ex-wife will be able to go on with a support. It will take time. With the daughter I can only suggest counseling. How traumatic for one so young!
Again, my heart goes out to you in this moment of tragedy.
I know this is easier said than done, but the way to deal with it is to let yourself feel the feelings. And let your stepson feel the feelings. You can't make it better. you can take the grief and pain away from him. but you know what? That's OK, because we all have pain and grief at times in life, and the best thing you can do is show him how to get through it. And the only way to really get through stuff like this is to go through it. There's no shortcut you can take to get around it. You can't just get over it. You have to go through it.
So you grieve. It's OK for him to see you grieving. You tell him you're heartbroken and you don't know why bad things like this happen to good people. You cry, and you let him cry.
He might want to talk to a counselor, or go to a support group for children that have lost a loved one. As a family, in time, you might want to do something to help people that have been through things like this, like maybe volunteer at a battered women's shelter or something like that. And you just hold your family close and love them and be glad you still have them and they have you.
Food won't get you through this. You gotta feel the feelings.
So you grieve. It's OK for him to see you grieving. You tell him you're heartbroken and you don't know why bad things like this happen to good people. You cry, and you let him cry.
He might want to talk to a counselor, or go to a support group for children that have lost a loved one. As a family, in time, you might want to do something to help people that have been through things like this, like maybe volunteer at a battered women's shelter or something like that. And you just hold your family close and love them and be glad you still have them and they have you.
Food won't get you through this. You gotta feel the feelings.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
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