My relationship with food.

I will be 3 months out from Lap-RNY tomorrow and I'm struggling with food issues.  My problem is that food just isn't that great anymore, the excitement about it, the looking forward to it, the dreaming about it, is all gone.  I suppose I should be happy about it, but it's kind of annoying in the sense that I actually dread mealtime.  During the day I'll think that I'll prepare a nice dinner for my hubby, son and I, and it smells wonderful when I'm cooking it and preparing it, but then when it's time to eat it, I'm just not as excited as I used to be.  I almost feel like it's a waste of time to eat it.  Like I spent so much time preparing it and I only get a few ounces of it, so why bother.  During the day it's not an issue because I eat lunch meats, yogurt, cheese, etc.  Not a lot of planning or anything.  It's dinner with the family, or if we go out with friends that's the problem.

Is this normal?  How can I change my thinking about this?  I know this is good, that this is what was supposed to happen (my relationship with food), but I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around it.  Any suggestions on how to change my thoughts when I'm in that moment with the food in front of me? 

As time goes on this will change. It does get easier and you will be able to eat a little more. I am 15 months out and I still cannot eat a lot, but I can enjoy food again.  I seem to love cooking more now, I  love to feed people! There are times when the meal is so GOOD I wish I could just eat normal, but I just get up and get busy cleaning up and do not dwell on the fact that our new normal is smaller portions. It has helped me get to a very healthy weight and I feel awesome. It is so worth it, and that is how I cope. I enjoy dinners out and have company over. It is a lifestyle now that i am use to. Good luck to you and hang in there!

This too shall pass.  As time goes on your feelings about food should become more normal, not too important but not with too much importance, if that makes sense.  I don't get excited about food anymore, either, but I do enjoy eating and because my quantities are limited I am more into quality.  I used to see those food shows where they would show a dish from a high class restaurant and there was just a tiny amount of food and I would think "Wow, that wouldn't satisfy a fly" and now that looks just perfect to me.  I enjoy the freedom I have from not thinking about food all the time.  I can go anywhere and not worry if there will be something there for me to eat or that I will have to wait forever to have a meal.

I have a child who is exactly like I was before.  Everything revolves around food and eating.  She is always complaining about there not being anything to eat in the house and when I point things out she complains that it won't satisfy her.  It is hard to make plans with her because she is always worried about what she'll eat, when she'll eat and where she'll eat.  That is the most important thing to her.  Now I can make plans and even if it means that I won't have dinner for a few hours later it doesn't bother me.  It's a non issue.  I don't get upset if I can't eat right away.

My daughter will eat a big dinner and then complain an hour later about being hungry.  If she doesn't eat for a few hours she feels like she is starving.  Like going to die starving.  I have to bite my tongue not to mention that at 200 lbs it would take a while for her to actually starve.  She really believes she will starve if she goes without food for any length of time.  Seriously.  Like Nik says, for her hunger is an emergency, a desperate feeling.  I am so thankful that I don't have those feelings any more.  Now.  Like I said, this too shall pass.  I'm enjoying the indifference for however long it may last.

When I prepare food now, I look at all the leftovers that I have for other meals.  So I get to enjoy the great tasting food more than once.  I am also saving money.  All the benefits of having had surgery.

Good luck.

Judy

I am thinking like Judy in the post before me. I love to cook. I eat my portion and put the rest in a few small bowls for lunches for the week. It is great that it lasts longer and we get to enjoy the great meal more.Sometimes I do wish I could eat more, but I would take this life over gorging myself in a heartbeat. I love the feeling of being satisfied instead of over stuffed.

I agree, get your tupperware out and freeze away!  I have tons of "my size" meals in the fridge and freezer of awesome stuff I have  made for everyone and I get to enjoy it for lunches (and breakfast sometimes) for a long time after.  I don't tend to do that with take out food as much but with home made?  Oh my, yes!

It does get better.  I just  keep reminding myself that that delicious chili from last night is in the fridge and will be so good the second day.

I often feel the same way. Most of the time I only cook because I feel guilty as a Mom if I don't. Although the girls are all old enough to fend for themselves and they do many nights I feel I SHOULD cook for them on occasions. My Husband cooks a lot as well but I still have difficulties eating and do well with lunch meats, chili, cottage cheese,  or a scrambled egg etc.

Enjoy it while you can !  That feeling goes away :)

Mandy

I disliked food too after surgery. I mourned and grieved the loss of my coping mechanism, too. I look forward to meals again now, but not with the same addictive, compulsive feeling like I have to consume all of it as quickly as possible to avoid impending doom or something. I can ENJOY food without needing it on that addictive level. Though I do find myself on truly terrible days wanting some candy. When I give in, it doesn't do for me what it used to. It doesn't taste the way it used to. Before when I'd eat sugar it was like a fireworks show in my brain and on my tastebuds! Now, it's good, sometimes, but... eh. That addicted part of my brain isn't ever going to let me forget my craving for sugar, though. I will probably always want it. The neural pathways are probably extraordinarily developed in my brain. I had some licorice recently on a bad day. Bad, bad, bad day. First thing I noticed, it was way too sweet and definitely with the HFCS junk not some cane sugar or something. Second thing I noticed, it was real crap quality licorice! I wondered when I became a candy snob. I was once very tolerant and inclusive of all candies! Third thing I noticed, I didn't feel a need to eat the whole entire bag. The first handful didn't make me feel any better, 4 or 5 more wasn't going to either. The boyfriend hates licorice, so I tossed the rest.

It's interesting how this stuff works, isn't it? What a journey and what possibility for freedom from these particular demons. My only advice is to deal with your food issues now, in the beginning, when it's easier to lose weight even when you mess up. At 3 years out, if you're still dealing with food issues on a major level, you don't have the malabsorptive help anymore to get you through it. I'm glad I grieved and mourned and cried and ranted those first few weeks (and months, even) and didn't repress it or ignore it. I used to be a world champion binge eater. Now I don't even remember what that's like anymore.

Thank you everyone for your insight and wisdom.  In the heat of the moment I can forget the reason I did this.  I haven't blown it yet and cheated too drastically (mainly because I'm afraid to) and when I have it didn't taste the way I remembered it did.  Since surgery I have only had one small thing that had regular sugar in it, a 1/4 of a regular sized brownie, and it was waaaaaay too sweet.  I didn't dump, but it wasn't as good of a brownie as I remember.

I am thankful for this tool, and so please with how everything is going.  I just need help getting my mind to change it's habits.  The old tapes still try to run quite a bit.