Isn't this site supposed to be supportive??

Yes we sure did. If age is an implication then I am raising my hand to all of this.
Again, as everyone is saying use the block button.

Interestingly, more than once I have been accused of being harsh and judgmental when it has never been my intent to be either.

I am simply one of those people who often does not have a lot of time to write a flowery response, and I also tend to be a "big picture" thinker rather than merely focusing on a particular issue.  Rather than addressing the what happened, I will instead question the why behind what happened.  For example, if I was sabotaging my surgery outcome by eating chips and candy most days, I would not address the eating of the chips and candy, but rather the psychological reasoning behind what was compelling me to eat the chips and candy.   

I also think that those of us who have been subjected to the discomfort of being judged as a result of our obesity may often "filter" well intended advice from a place that has been emotionally scarred; consequently, rather than seeing the merit behind a well intended response, it is instead viewed as "harsh and judgmental."

As a result of my own experiences, I would strongly encourage that when a response is made that rather than assuming that it was made with malicious intent, that the response instead be considered for the merit of intent.  

While there are some on here who may get off being nasty, there are others who mean well and may have written a quick response on their way out the door, or are just more direct and less rainbows and fairy dust. that may be getting a bad rap.  

 

 

Unfortunately this is a forum site. There is no rules that say it is suppose to be supportive. You are coming on to an internet site asking perfect strangers questions ect. You have absolutely no idea who you are talk to. You take your chances when you come on to forums. There are also people who are legit and tell you what you want to hear and there are also people that are who are legit and tell you what you don't want to hear No one person is the same. Don't ask if you are afraid of the answer. 

The other night a poster said something that people disagreed to, in my eyes she was ganged up on and attacked for an answer people didn't like. She fought back. Then the next day another poster started another thread just to attack the poor person again for what she said, Totally uncalled for. Some people feed off the drama and pull others in just because they are insecure. 

My opinion if you want true support that you know is legit, go to your family or your doctor. On here you are taking your chances.

I think that many people may be coming across as judgmental and or cruel because they are trying to be informative. Others, may have a mightier purpose behind their rude comments. Meaning they build themselves up by putting others down.  I have read comments that have made me feel judged. However, I have to say that for the most part, I have met wonderful, caring people who truly sympathize and care about each other. I am sorry that you are experiencing the ugly side of things. I am thoughtful about each and every comment I post. I want to be a person who builds up and encourages others. It is up to each of us to be our own conscience in this matter. That being said, many will probably see this and think that there is nothing wrong with what they post even if its ugly because that is what they want to share.  Rise above, keep your head high and let the haters hate. Best wishes on your journey :)

I agree that for the most part you find wonderful caring people *****ally want to help

Four things for your consideration:

First, tone is EXTREMELY difficult to determine in a written-only medium. People simply have different ways of communicating, both verbally and in writing. Tone is often as much a creation of the way the reader interprets it as it is the way the respondent wrote it.  

Second, early post-ops' emotions and hormones are all over the place because of the surgery itself, because of the emotional nature of what is "on the line", and because of the alleged hormone "dump" due to the weight loss (I say "alleged" because I have yet to see anything scientific that indicates it is factual.)  That means that many people who are reading the responses are much more likely to react emotionally... More emotionally than they will if they go back 6 months later and re-read something.

Third, I can assure you that NO ONE who has been coming here for any length of time (and you seem to be calling out the "vets") comes here to be mean.  We come here go be helpful, but not everyone is "warm and fuzzy".  As someone else already mentioned, many of us look at the bigger picture beyond the single question/concern and respond accordingly.  

Finally, if you feel that a particular poster's response is overly har**** will be far more effective for you to simply contact that person privately and discuss your concern than to post something vague (and, I can assure you, completely pointless -- other than to stir up drama -- and ineffective) "some of the vets are mean and don't remember what it was like" post. 

Lora 

Thought this was really well put.aybe sometimes people are sensitive to responses and maybe sometimes people could up their sensitivity when they respond!

BUT, we are not here as hand holders, blow sunshine,, we are here as people who are many years post op, that do know what has and has not worked, what you can and should not eat,  cheat or not to cheat, when we give our opinion , which is that not why  any OP  posts to get an opinion? we give it  and instantly pisss someone off, that is nuts, I usually roll my eyes and go with the hormones of the OP are wayyyy  out of whack, I always hope they will come back and re read their posts in 6 months to see how nuts they sounded , or at the very least stop think about WHAT they are putting into a public forum  for an answer, which many times they know the answer but want to be validated it is ok when it is NOT ok. hope this explains it some......

Totally agree with you that it's all going into a public forum. I don't really get all the discord. We are all different with different personalities I guess. Seems a shame to have hard feelings on either side

I'm assuming this response is to someone who blocked me (and therefore I cannot see their post)  rather than to me, LOL.  Love it when someone replies to you then blocks you so you cannot see it.  WTH kind of sense does that make?  Talk about passive aggressive!

Lora