Some bad news. Could just use some advice.

So my mom had a mole removed from her arm a had it tested. It came back positive for melanoma. Now she's going to have a whole list of tests and things done. The doctor doesn't thing it spread but it just freaks me out. Both of my aunts passed from cancer (granted it was lung cancer that spread) nonetheless I'm still scared. I lost my dad 13 years ago to Mad Cow Disease. I was 16 and am still traumatized and grieving. I don't think I'll have trouble with making bad food choices but could use the support anyway. I left my therapist a voicemail to call I'm going to try to get in ASAP instead of waiting until my appointment next week. Thanks in advance for any advice given.

Wow, I would say so! You need support. You've been through the wringer. I am so sorry for the diagnoses your mom received, and I will pray for you and she that it has been caught in time to eradicate it. Mad cow disease, WOW! I don't even know what to say. I've never known anyone who contracted that, I can't begin to imagine how horrible that was for you and your family. 

Good to hear you are reaching out to your therapist. I can,...we can offer a certain amount of support but  your therapist will be the one to help you deal with this latest crisis. I am so sorry.

I am sorry to hear about your mom. Melanoma is serious, but cancer treatment has made leaps and bounds. If your mom is amenable, would it help you to go with her and hear what her oncologist has to say? Some people are action oriented and as soon as they have a plan they feel better.
I think seeing your therapist is a great idea. If there is a family member cancer support group, that might be good. Remember to take care of yourself. I will think good thoughts for you and your nom. Take care.

Thank you so much for the prayers and kind words. I can't tell if my mom is putting on a brave face for family's sake or what. She is going for some procedure the same day I have orientation for school. I already told her I'd miss it and take her. I feel she was being kind of sneaky for lack of a better word. She didn't say hey I need to go for this procedure on this day can you take me (she knows I'd drop everything and say yes). Instead she didn't even tell me about the melanoma. She started with oh what are you doing on Sept 4th? I answered and asked why. She then went on and said oh I heard from the doctor and went on to explain everything to me. Of course I said I'd take her and she said absolutely not and to focus on school and that this cancer thing isn't as big of a deal as it sounds. Not sure how to deal with this. I don't want to read too much into things but I don't want her to keep things from me or down play anything but as a patent isn't your first instinct to protect your children? Yeah just not sure what to do or how to feel. I'm scared but don't want to over react. I don't know much about melanoma and I refuse to google if because I know it will just freak me out right now. She's waiting to hear back when she's meeting with the oncologist (the dermatologist was the one *****moved the mike and had it biopsied). I already told her I'm going with her and she's fine with that. Ahhh ok sorry done rambling!

Jules, your mom sounds like such a loving mother. Do as she asks, go to school, your orientation. No matter the outcome far, far, far into the future?....she need to know you will be ok. And, usually education will ensure your future. If things progress to where she is having regular appointments for her condition, then you can and should accompany her to those appointments.

Your are right to NOT google melanoma, it will only scare you without knowing the facts in your mother's case. Stay away, it won't do you any good at this early juncture. 

IMO - the best you cash do for your mom is to take care of yourself. Stress is really base trigger. She needs to know you are OK. Sometimes when stress is very bad I make sure I get my body basic needs : water, vitamins, proteins and fat... And I try to avoid sugars since that is a huge trigger for me during stress time. Exercise is a must - not only will that help with your stress but also allow you to be much calmer in supporting your mother,... Hugs...
BTW.. Early detected melanoma has close to 100% complete recovery rate. I have at least 5 friends that had that removed and they are doing great now. No issues.

Thanks. I am trying to keep my stress levels as low as possible - hence why I'm staying off Google. I don't know a whole lot about cancer but I was under the impression, like you mentioned, that the recovery rate was very high. I'm trying to keep positive, focus on school, take care of myself and not think about the worst case scenario. My bf is being really supportive. I'm just happy that we're through with the long distance thing and living together again. Thanks again for your support.

I can understand why you're scared.

I would try, as much as possible, not to pani****il you get all the test results.  If it's caught early, melanoma is often very treatable.   My grandfather had it and recovered and lived for many years afterward (he died from something totally unrelated years later).  I know it's hard not to think of the worse case scenario, but try to hold off on the pani****il you have all the info.

Calling your therapist and getting in sooner is a good idea.  Talking about what you're feeling is a good idea, too - talk to people here, talk to friends, talk to family, whomever.  Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.  I can give you my phone number if you want to call.

Your mom is probably worried, too, I'm sure.  Maybe the two of you can do something you enjoy together soon.  Take a day trip somewhere, go to one of those places where you paint pottery, bake some cookies together (you could donate them to a homeless shelter or soup kitchen or something so you don't eat them all), whatever you enjoy.  Just spend time together.

Be gentle with yourself.  Try to make good food choices because eating junk food won't help you feel better, not really.  But if you slip up, be forgiving of yourself.

Thank you very much Kelly. I very much like the idea of doing something together. We keep talking about going to Philly for the day. She's a history nut and I really think she'll enjoy the Constitution Center. That's a really great idea, thank you for the suggestion. 

I know my mom is worried about my brother and I. She knows how hard the death of our father was on us. I'm concerned though because over 3 months ago I noticed the mole on her arm, asked her what it was and she was just like "Oh it's probably melanoma" like it was no big deal. It took her three months to finally "remember" to make the appointment. I'm not sure if that's her putting on a brave face or being in denial. I'm trying to just take things at face value and not read too much into things but it's hard for me. That's what I do! 

I did hear from my therapist. She moved my appointment up to this evening. My bf and I are going to go talk with her. I feel a bit better knowing I don't have to wait a week to see her.

Thankfully junk food makes me feel really lousy physically and mentally and that is the last thing I want to feel so i think I'll be ok on that front. Baking and donating the baked goods to a shelter or soup kitchen is a wonderful idea. I love baking but don't do it anymore. Maybe I'll start again and look for a place to donate the food. Again, thanks for the great idea. 

I just am going to take it one day at a time for now and take care of myself and my mom the best I can. 

I think doing something fun with your mom is a great idea.  It's good to remember that we need to spend time with people we love and to value that time, whether we have years and years more with them or only a little time left, you know?

I bet you can find tons of places that would love some homemade baked goods - shelters, soup kitchens, nursing homes, etc.  In most of those places, the food will keep you alive but it's not yummy.

One day at a time is a really good skill to develop.  Today is really all we have, anyway.  And if we can stay in the present moment, there is so much less to worry about.