hypocrite

As the clock ticks away and I am days away from surgery, I have been talking to my kids a lot about everything that will happen. My oldest (daughter, 8) is very curious and can't understand why I would do this to myself..."you can't eat, you're going to be in a lot of pain...why would you want to have the surgery?" And when I said "I'm tired of being fat." I realized...I'm setting them up for body image issues. As much as I preach acceptance of others, fat, thin, short, tall, black, white etc...I can't accept myself and they see it. I can try to explain my way out of it and try to back paddle, but the damage is done. I am a hypocrite. I feel like an ass.

Tell them you  need to have surgery in order to get healthy.  I think 8 is old enough to understand there's a difference between being a little overweight and being very fat.  If you're having WLS, you must be more than a little overweight.  I would just say that people come in all different shapes and sizes, but that your size is too big and it's making you unhealthy and that surgery is the best way to help you get healthy again.

It sounds like you are sharing way too much with your kids. 8 years old is not old enough to know everything. Mine knew I was having surgery to help me get healthier. They did not need all the details. I have never complained about my weight in front of my kids even when I was 340 pounds. They do learn from us.

I wouldn't say I over share. If they ask a question, I answer honestly. Unfortunately, I'm not perfect...I'll let a "ugh, I'm fat!" Slip out when I'm getting dressed and everything looks awful. I guess I hope that once I'm healthy, they'll see the distance and understand more.

I have had some truly bonehead moments as a parent, and I'm sure I'll have many more!! No one is perfect. I think all will be okay with your daughter in the long run.

Edited to add: I don't think you had a bonehead moment...lol. I am just commiserating with you. Just wanted to clarify!! Like Terry stated, I think you're doing a GREAT job!

I agree with Kelly. Tell them that being fat isn't healthy. I don't think talking to your kids is over sharing.  My kids love me and they live with me every day.  They know I am fat. My son told me one day at 3 years old, "Mommy you are fat and I am skinny." I said son that is true. I think children are more intelligent and more observant than some give them credit for.  I have always chosen to be truthful and honest with my kids. I don't want them to lie to me so why would I lie to them? I have a 15 year old daughter and a 4 year old son. I talked to my children about my RNY as well. I didn't give details to my son but I had to tell him why I wasn't going to be here for a few days. Am I supposed to just disappear and then show up again a few days later sore and on pain medications? What could I say when he wanted to get into my lap? He would want to know why Mommy was hurting and he couldn't be his normal bouncy self on Moms lap/belly.  So, I told my kids that I was going to be in the hospital for a few days and that I was having an operation to help me be healthier. My 4 year old said, "Mom you are healthy." I explained to him that it isn't good for Mommies bodies to be as big as mine was. That it was making me sick and could make me get sicker in the future and that I needed help from my doctor to lose weight. He looked at me and said, "I don't want you to lose weight, I love my fat Mommy." I told him I loved him too and that I was never going to stop loving him. That losing weight would not change who I am just how much of me there is.  That it would allow me to be more active and play with him more and that we could do more as a family because Mommy wouldn't be so tired all the time and stopping to take breaks because her knees hurt.  He finally accepted it after reassurance from myself and my husband. My fifteen year old was more inquisitive. She wanted to know what the surgery involved, how it worked, what kind of risk there was etc.  She was concerned that I could die during surgery because she knew about my sleep apnea and that my air way could be an issue. She is very mature for her age and has always been interested in medical technology. I decided to take a little more time talking to her one on one. I wanted her to hear from me instead of googling on the internet and running across some gastric bypass horror story and getting upset.  I showed her a diagram of the surgery. Let her read part of the information booklet that I was given by my surgeon and then allowed her to ask any additional questions.  I didn't discuss mortality rates.  I told her that I had done extensive research, which she already knew because I have been to many seminars and doctors offices when making the decision to pursue the surgery.  She didn't ask anything else. She just hugged me and said, "I love you Mom and I am proud of you for getting help to get your health and weight under control." Like I said, she is very mature.  Fast forward to now, I was sharing my pre op and current pics with some friends who live out of state on Facebook. As I was posting the pics, my son looks at my before pic and says, "Mommy, I don't like that picture. You were too fat. I like you the way you are now." It all comes full circle. Best wishes on your journey. Remember, they are your kids. What you tell them or don't tell them is up to you.

There is a difference in raising your kids to be respectful of others because of things like weight, race, religion, ethnicity, and etc..., and teaching them that it is not ok for them to be fat. It's not ok. It's killing us. It doesn't look good.  It's driving up healthcare costs. While we should treat others with respect, we should strive to be healthy in our own lives.   I see no hypocrisy at all in that stance. We need help to undo the poor choices we've made so that we can be healthy. Even if you do this for cosmetic reasons deep down you have self image issues or you wouldn't need to do it. That's mental health, which can be just as important as physical health. 

My only 2 issues I have with this surgery is that I am disappointed that I put myself in position to need it, and I didn't do it 7 or 8 years ago. 

Well said.

What  IS awesome about this OP ???

That you even recognize the impact on your children and make a choice to correct and teach them. Your ability to show them how you feel, mistakes and all, shows them SOOO many lessons !

I dont know how old you are but you are doing an great job parenting !!!  You have learned a great lesson to pass on too !

I so agree! Great reply, Terry!