Husband doesn't want me to have surgery...

It doesn't matter if he is an Olympic athlete. He has no right to nag and tease you. There is no excuse for his behavior.

A lot of us here worked full time at demanding jobs, had children in activities, and ran a house at the time of surgery. I did. Those are surmountable issues. Your husband's behavior is less so.

As others have said, it isn't his decision. It is yours. If you have decided on surgery, then have it. Know that he will not be supportive. It may be a little harder, but it isn't impossible.

Edit to add: You might ask yourself what he is getting out of you not having surgery and continuing to tease and nag you.

Very best of luck to you.

I mean, you could invite him to meetings and ask him to go. Would it do any good? Debatable.

You can't convince anyone, or change anyone, but yourself. Nothing will change him - except for him, that is. Education gives people an open mind. You need to take care of you first, always first, and worry about his crap attitude absolutely last. YOU have to live with your body before anyone else. You shouldn't listen to your husband, your neighbor, or random individuals on the internet, about whether or not you should get surgery. None of us have a stake in it, right? Even he doesn't. You, on the other hand, stand to gain tremendously from surgery. The question is: why does this apparently threaten him?

He sounds emotionally abusive, honestly. Whenever anyone asks me how they can convince someone to not be a jerkface, 99% of the time they are emotionally abusive. I'm willing to bet he makes other jabs and jipes about things other than weight which are also deeply personal but get shrugged off. Body image, emotional responses, things like that. I see the pattern over, and over, and over, again.

Build a support network wherever you can. We WLS patients are legion. I'm always happy to support and encourage you if you friend me on Facebook, for instance.

Whatever happens, if you feel this is the right path, embrace it. You can find support anywhere. I live by myself and have for seven years post-divorce, and I have a fabulous support network even though I've no family where I live. It's absolutely possible. Maybe that will inspire him to stop being a twit and support you, which he should, since you are doing something that requires bravery and strength of character!

My spouse gave me the support I needed to move forward with WLS after reading Weight loss Surgery for Dummies. Like many people, he remembered the early days of WLS when there were so many complications and even death. The information in the book put his mind at ease.

Welcome, this is a straight-talking website whether new or been around a while. Your post was under ten sentences long but seems to send up a flag many sentences longer. I've been around a while and agree with what someone said here, "WLS has the tendency to make strong marriages stronger and weak marriages weaker." I believe a strong support system is important and also believe this website can be a substitute for those lacking it at home. Your plan to request your husband to come to a meeting is good--maybe even better, repeat an orientation with him.

My DH was worried about complications and about hOW this would impact me and him long term. Part of this was about what this meas for him. Food wise, emotional wise, exercise wise.

I am very active now where I used to sit around on the couch and watch 9 hours of tv a day. ok maybe not 9 but maybe on weekend. Now i get out and shop, garden, so outdoor activities etc.

My husband was also against me having surgery. I told him it was something I had to do for me. I hid all my pre-surgery jitters from him because I knew he would be happy if I cancelled it. He didn't nag me about my weight but he did say he would like me to lose with diet and exercise.

Fast forward 11 weeks post-op and 55 lbs later, he told me he's glad I went ahead with it. You have to make the choice for you. But it also has to be a choice you can live with. I was so scared of complications. For all the usual reasons but also because that was my husband's biggest fear. Once I realized he didn't want me to have surgery because he was afraid of losing me, it helped me a lot.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with your husband on this. I completely agree with the others who have suggested getting him to go to some meetings and trying to deliver him some knowledge about surgery. I really hope that once he learns more about it, he'll get behind you.

Like many others, my husband was apprehensive about surgery. His concern was complications. I asked him to come to the seminar at the hospital with me. He learned a lot there. It opened his mind more. Although he never nagged me about my weight, he knew that every other time I tried to lose weight, I failed. He figured I'd give up on the notion of surgery too. But, when he saw my dedication to the program, he changed his mind. He's been my biggest cheerleader. Now he's very happy about it. I can actually get out and do more. It's been totally life changing. I pray your husband turns around and gets on board for you.

My husband doesn't want me to have surgery either. I've realized that I can't convince him. What I have asked of him is to not sabotage me and listen when I talk about it, because it is going to happen.

Best of luck to you.

"My body, my decision." Make it your mantra, because EVERYBODY will have an opinion on your decision.

If your husband has been nagging you for 10 years, you may want to look into the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship.