Where do I fit in?????

Daniel B.
on 11/6/17 3:08 pm - Mansfield, OH
RNY on 01/20/17

Let me first say that OH2017 was another awesome experience. If you have not had the chance to join in please plan ahead and join us for OH2018 in Anaheim October 5/6 (11 months ahead and counting)

When I am with other people that have had WLS I feel complete and feel like I belong. But honestly I feel so lost right now. I am 9.5 months post op (surgery 1/20/17) and have lost a total 233# (HW 447 and currently 214) and still losing. I am frustrated as I really do want the weight loss to stop. Please do not flame me for this but I am 6' tall and my original goal was 230-250 and now I am below that. Yes I did not that I would continue to lose until my body stops but honestly I never thought I would get to 250#. I know most lose for the first 18 months and well that scares me as I am still losing about 10# month which means I will probably be below 199# within the first year. I am very confident and think I look good with my compression garments on and clothes on, but taking them off and looking at myself in the mirror is when I lose all confidence and feel like a bag of bones and unattractive. I have not been intimate with anyone as that would mean they would see my naked. I did meet with a plastic surgeon in Long Beach at the conference and I really appreciated the consult and everything she said and showed me she could/would do, so I am slowly moving forward with that (goal is October 2018) but will I ever think I look normal again? Before surgery I felt people looked at me as I was obese and now I don't think anyone finds me attractive or even looks at me.

Again please do not flame me, these are legit concerns and feelings that I am having and I am sure that I can't be alone. I do not have depression but should I see a counselor to help with my thoughts? Can they help? What have others done?

Thanks for reading this and if you can offer some insight or life experiences please reply.

on 11/6/17 3:45 pm
RNY on 03/20/17
Ashley in Belgium
on 11/6/17 4:04 pm - Belgium
RNY on 08/08/13

Everything you are feeling is very normal and quite typical for where you are in the WL process. It can be very unsettling and if you want to slow things down a bit (I did too when I was 6 or 7 months post-op) then I suggest adding a few high fat nuts into your diet like brazil nuts. For me that helped slow things down so I could catch up mentally. I did that for a month or two and then continued to wor****il I got to goal and below.

Most will tell you to ride the ride till the end - you will never have it this easy and maintenance is hard work. Getting as low as you can will allow you to have some regain room if you need it. You will also find that at 2 years out your body readjusts and weight gets redistributed and you will look (and be used to looking) thin but healthier than you do right now.

The hanging skin effects us all differently. I had a terrible time with mine and did have PS to deal with some of it and plan on more this coming year but everyone is different. Wearing compression garments helps but I always felt like I was a fraud - dressed in clothes I look great, unwrap me and Holy Cow, melted candle anyone? It is a mind trip for sure. Not sure how to get past it....

Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and that for me at least, these issues you highlight are some of the toughest for me too and I am 4+ years post-op and 18 pounds below my goal weight. Losing the weight for me was the easiest part, it's all the rest I struggle with the hardest.

You are doing great. Keep doing what you are doing and give yourself time to adjust to the new you :)

Revision Band to RNY 8/8/13 5'4" HW 252 Lbs / SW 236 Lb / GW 135 lb / CW 127

Daniel B.
on 11/6/17 4:07 pm - Mansfield, OH
RNY on 01/20/17

Thank you Ashley! I really appreciate sharing your story. Thanks for the words of encouragement and good luck to you as well.

May I ask what plastics you have had?

Ashley in Belgium
on 11/6/17 4:26 pm - Belgium
RNY on 08/08/13

Sure, glad to help.

I had 3 hernia's repaired and along with a full Tummy Tuck with massive muscle and diastase repair and skin removal at 13 months post-op. The hernia necessitated the TT and it was all covered by my insurance (I was living in Belgium at the time). The muscle repair was so severe that it caused an internal hernia near the Petersen's space and I had to have an additional hernia repair 9 months later.

I currently live in Japan and am considering having a lower body lift without the muscle tightening and/or a thigh lift. I feel like I need to complete the process but that is a very personal decision and not everyone feels as I do.

Revision Band to RNY 8/8/13 5'4" HW 252 Lbs / SW 236 Lb / GW 135 lb / CW 127

on 11/6/17 4:44 pm
RNY on 07/11/17

Hi Daniel,

Sorry about how you are feeling. Losing massive weight changes a lot about how we feel about ourselves...or reveals our weaknesses that may have contributed to the weight gain in the first place which in some cases is due to self loathing.

My highest weight was 340 and my low was 165 over the last 15 years.. I am a three time revision. I had plastic surgery after losing 155 pounds at 180 back in 2005. I had a tummy tuck, thighplasty (which I regret) and I have lots of scars from two C sections, neck surgery, wrist surgery, three weight loss surgeries and the plastics. With clothes on, nobody would ever guess that I was formerly morbidly obese. With clothes off, most people would know that I was once a very large person.

What I found that really surprised me is that the "RIGHT" guys dont give a crap at all . Really they don't. And most women don't either when they are looking for a life partner or someone they connect with. I thought they did so I had to doll myself up a lot, drink lots of alcohol to give me the courage to go out and meet people. It took me years to figure that out because I had such low self esteem and only felt pretty when under the influence of booze essentially trading a food addiction for a drinking party addiction. Therefore counseling could really help you .

I went through a fair bit to get my house in order.

Babs in GA

HW 340 Revision SW 224 GW 165 CW 151

Revision from sleeve to RNY

Pre op: -5 M1-12 lbs M2 11 lb M3-5lb M4 -9lb M5 -2 M6-6 M7-7 M8 -4 M9-5 M10 -2 M11 -2

189 lbs lost and 14 pounds below goal !

Daniel B.
on 11/8/17 11:29 am - Mansfield, OH
RNY on 01/20/17

thank you! I appreciate you sharing some of your story with me and your words of encouragement.

H.A.L.A B.
on 11/6/17 6:11 pm, edited 11/6/17 10:34 am

I lost 110 lbs and even though before RNY I did not think I would need PS, once I lost the weight, I had PS. I had breast lift, them I had lower body lift (360). Last year I had a face lift.

The first 2 were critical for me to feel confident about myself. Sure, I still have some extra skin on my legs and my arms, but I can live with that. The scars and the recovery process is not worth to me considering the amount of skin I have there. And at my age, over 50, everyone who is a normal weight, or close to it, is wrinkly. It's call "aging process". Having face lift app 8 years post op (last year) was not only to get rid of "the jowls" due to the weight lost, but also due to natural aging process. This did not make me feel better - but rather more like myself, when I look in the mirror.

My body is not perfect, but I like it the way it is now. And I am confident in my own skin. Even when naked or in a bathing suit.

But - I know my partner would like me even I did not have the PS. But - I would not like myself, so I would have hard time to believe him. And insecurities can kill the best relationship.

I hope you get to feel happy and secure about yourself. One day.

Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG

"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"

"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."

Daniel B.
on 11/8/17 11:31 am - Mansfield, OH
RNY on 01/20/17

Thank you for your reply and kind words.

CerealKiller Kat71
on 11/6/17 6:28 pm
RNY on 12/31/13

I lost 220 pounds.

I think what you are describing is very normal/typical for those of us who started out super morbidly obese and lose such a huge amount of weight -- especially in the first year. It's between month 9 and 18 that we tend to look the most gaunt and drawn, as well.

A lot of people told me to wait to the second and third year -- that things tend to fill out, redistribute, and settle down. Year three is when maintenance really becomes challenging and real -- so a lot of wise people said to try to wait to even consider plastics until 2 to 3 years out.

I didn't have much choice, as I cannot afford plastics anyhow. I am not anti-plastics -- but truthfully, I am kind of glad I couldn't have afforded them, because I am heading in the year 4 now -- and I don't feel out of place about my body any more at all.

Things really DID redistribute and fill out pretty well and I am pretty happy with my body. I wish that plastics were covered for those who don't feel the same, however.

I think that your goal of October 2018 is wise and well-thought out. I wish you all the happiness you deserve.

"What you eat in private, you wear in public." --- Kat

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