Hubby is pre-op and I'm freaking out already

Hi Everyone, I'm new here and I'm so grateful to have found this board. I am scared for my hubby. I totally support his decision to have the operation, he has diabetes, high cholestrol and blood pressure, and uses a bi-pap (although unrelated to his weight problem, is most definitely affected by his size) machine for apnea. I realize that this surgery could very well save his life, BUT I am so worried for him. He is calm and as with most things, once he makes his mind up he's good to go, while I have a tendency to stress and obsess. I'm planning on going to all of the appointments with him so I can ask my questions but I have such a ball of worry in my tummy. I keep thinking we have only been married 1 1/2 yrs. and I don't think I could take it if something happened to him. I guess along with venting here, I would like to ask the men who have had the surgery what did your spouse/partner do for you that was comforting? And what should I bring to the hospital and for post-op? Thank you all and I'm looking forward to getting to know you folks.

Hi Vi! My husband had WLS (lap RNY) on 12/28/04, he will be post op 8 weeks this Tuesday. He is doing great. I totally understand your concerns. We spent a full year checking out three different hospitals and going to different informational meetings. We ended up at Portsmouth Hospital, in Portsmouth NH. Although he is the one having the surgery, we went through this together. All I can say is gather as much information as you can, talk to as many people as you can, and go to all the meetings with him. The week before his surgery I was a nervous wreck, and the day of the surgery was even worse. I had all sorts of thoughts going through my head, like what if something goes wrong and I lose him, to complications and life after surgery. What if he regrets what he has done? Both of our families and our friends were extremely supportive, and it is very important to have a strong support group, not just for him, but for you too. Knowing that people will be there for you no matter what. My husband started out at 353 pounds. He lost 23 pounds before his surgery, and now almost 8 weeks post op, he has lost a total of 62 pounds! He is off is blood pressure medication...he just had it taken this past week and is 116 over 72, which is fabulous! He also had blood work done, and his cholesterol went from about 230/240 down to 174. And he doesn't snore anymore! He only had one minor complication after surgery and had to stay in the hospital an extra day, but since then he hasn't had any problems. Just the usual soreness for the first few weeks of being home. He has been back to work for about 2 weeks now (he is a firefighter) and is doing great. A positive attitude is really important too. I really believe this surgery saved his life. If he hadn't had the surgery he would have continued to gain weight and probably be on more meds. I would say the most important thing that you can do for him is just be there, listen to him because I'm sure he's nervous too, and get at much information as you can about the surgery, both positive and negative, so there are no surprises. I really believe this is something you are both going through and will have to deal with. This will affect your life too. Just be there for him, stay positive even when he is feeling down, help him after surgery, but don't baby him too much, and each day you'll see him feeling better. Once he starts getting on the scale and you see the weight keep dropping and how happy he is and how good he is feeling, all your worries will go away. Good luck to both of you!!

Thanks for responding Linda. You offer really good suggestions. I am hoping for wonderfully healthy results for my husband as well. He has high blood pressure, diabetes and sleep apnea so I just know that the operation is the way to go for him...but still those stupid nagging fears creep in sometimes. Anyway, thanks for making me feel normal about all of this. And I hope to see you around the boards. Take care, Vi

while your learning about the surgery, check out the ds proceedure, in the ds forum, it a bit different, and is worth learning about, its a one time decision,