Don't know what to think!

Hi my name is Larry and my fiance' just recently had Lap RNY. Well I don't know where to start. For one we both live in different states. We met online a year and half ago. We met a month after we met and fell in love. I proposed 6 months ago. We decided that it would be best for me to keep my job here and pay off my debts before me moving there and starting our lives together. Well I'm just afraid that since I'm so far away that she might start falling for these smooth talking guys that are noticing her now because she is losing weight and becoming very attractive to them (she has always been and will always be the most beautiful woman in my eyes) She has started going to a support group and has made some friends that have had this surgery only for the sole purpose of looking better and being able to wear sexy clothes. And I'm afraid she is going to start acting like they do and just wanting to go out and date and hook up with any man that shows her attention now. I know she loves me and I love her with all of my heart and soul. I have been thinking about this since she was Pre-Op and now that the surgery has happend and she is down 60lbs its starting to weigh more on my mind. Well I know its probably me just being nervous and scared but its still there. I have told her my concerns and she tells me not to judge her friends until I spend more time with them and reassures me that she loves me. Well I just hope that I can get my surgery( I also plan on having this surgery as soon as my insurance approval comes through) and move there and be with her. Well thanks all for listening to me I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks alot.

Aww Larry, my heart goes out to you. I understand your worries and insecurity about your relationship because you're so far away, but your lady is right. You have to trust her love and judgement. I mean did you fall in love with a flaky and untrustworthy person? I think not. Maybe you will be able to go to her and hang out with the friends before moving there, just to check them out and reassure yourself. I don't think it's a good idea to judge her friends or speak badly of them, because you don't want her to feel she has to defend them to you...just accept what she says and love her. good luck for your approval , Vi

Vi, Thanks for replying. Yea i know i shouldn't judge her friends but this one has came right out and side that she has had the surgery for all the wrong reasons. And i've spent several weeks with her and her friends and i love just about all of her friends. and your right i didn't fall in love with a flaky and untrustworthy woman. i fell in love with someone who is down to earth loving and very honest. i am just glad i have someone like her to be here for me as i go through this. and i let her know everytime i talk to her that i'm here for her and anything she needs i'll be there for her. well again thanks for replying. its just nice to get on here and vent and get things out there sometime. Larry

Hi Larry, Vent away! I was just thinking that being able to wear the sexy clothes and get positive attention is not such a bad thing...and I totally understand your lady being able to do those things...as you described her, I bet she's able to enjoy being and FEELING sexy with her friends but remain loving and devoted to you and honor your relationship. A lot of changes to go through right now and long distance cannot be easy. my 2 pennies worth.

Hello Larry, I'm also in a long distance relationship, we're not engaged but we grow closer every day and are busy planning a trip together for the end of September and know we have a future together. I didn't meet him until over a year after my surgery and can tell you that getting a bit more attention from some guys has nothing at all to do with how I feel about him!! If all I wanted was some attention I could have taken myself down to some local bar and found it, that's not what I wanted. Yes it's nice to feel that people are attracted to you, but it's no comparison to finding that special person you love. A support group is important, I go to a local one myself plus have gotten together a few times with people here on the boards. Last time was at a club in St Louis and let me tell you, going there and seeing all the ones just looking to hook up just made me miss my guy more!!! I couldn't wait to get out of there and call him on the phone. If you love her and she loves you and continue to put each other first then everything should be fine. If you start seeing that priorities are changing, then it's best to know that before you move etc. She might be having insecurities also about you becoming more attractive to women after your surgery. Lulu

My boyfriend of 7 years is having the surgery this friday. I am very insecure for he cheated on me last summer, we been back together now for 1year but now that he is having the sugery, I can't help but think our relationship will be over because he will cheat again. He is 400Ibs now, he was 350 when he cheated, he is very handsome to me and he will look even better when he loose's more weight. He needs the surgery because of TONS of health problems, so I am all for it so that his life is prolonged but how can I get this fear to go away. I have talked about with him and he assured me that he would never do that to me again and he regreted it. The cheating was caused partly of me I was at a point in my life where I was hurting and was pushing those who loved me away by saying hurtful things. I drove him away but I didn't make him cheat.. Does that make sense.... I would say I hate you and stuff, but truly I loved him very much. It's complicated. But we have better communication now but that fear is still there and I constanly think about and break down everyday, without him knowing. I love him so much and I lost him once, I don't want to go through that again.... I can't.