My Pre-Op Journey Thank You (A Little Long)

First of all, I am way too adicted to this board.  I don't write much because I don't feel like I have a lot to offer since I haven't had surgery yet, but you guys have been invaluable as I've been on my journey.  I had my first clinical in April, and my psychological readiness class last Tuesday.  I have another clinical on and then my package will be submitted to insurance.  I cannot have the surgery until August due to several big travel committments for work and personal.  I am scared about surgery, scared I'll come out worse off than I am now (pretty healthy except MO) and still struggling with my internalized negative feelings about surgery than I put onto "what will everybody else think."  I sometimes wish I didn't have to wait that long, but I am trying to just accept life and make sure I will be in a good place to take care of myself when it happens.

I have spent the last 6 or 7 years thinking I would be able to lose 100 pounds again and keep it off.  I have done 50 twice, but never "got" the keeping it off part again (had some success in my 20s and 30s).  So clearly something different needs to be done, and this surgery (VSG) seems to be a viable tool to add to everything else I've learned.  I'm still scared and sometimes I'm acting "as if" and just putting one foot in front of the other because at 51 I know I don't have a lot of time to waste (plus, my mom died at 59 of a heart attack and that weighs on me too).

I do Pilates about 3x per week.  I am always always the biggest person in the classes and I've learned to be okay with that, be okay with wearing leggings in public, and ignoring feelings of embarrassment because the exercise makes me feel so darn good.  So I thought if I could wear leggings in public, I could put an entire picture of my face on my profile.  It's a work photo 'cause I'm at work - but I need to put myself out there and keep moving forward.  I don't want to die early, and I don't want to miss out on life because I am too big to navigate.  

Thanks for everything.

 I can relate to EVERYTHING you've said. Being on the post op side now for 9 months, this has been the BEST decision I have ever made! You do have to put yourself out there and it is liberating.

I hope you enjoy the rest of this journey, it is amazing!

Thank you SO MUCH for the encouragement!

Sounds like you will be ready In Aug. I will get ready to move down on the bench!!I am 46 so I can relate to what you are saying about life !