Anyone nervous about succeeding?
of course I'm scared! I'm scared that:
I'll find out I was wrong about times I blamed fat prejudice for something
I'll find out I was wrong about my weight shielding me from friendships with shallow people
I'll lose some of my other fat friends because I won't be fat anymore
I'll still think of myself as fat
I won't be able to find a store or two that will sell clothes I like - there are almost too many choices!
it won't help my mobility and I'll be thin and in pain instead of fat & in pain
I'll look older without the fat keeping me wrinkle-free
my transitioning body will be unappealing
and that's excluding things like fear of complications, of losing too much, of having trouble eating, regain, etc.
but, my fear of getting fatter, of finally developing comorbidities, of ending up as a fat chick in a wheelchair are greater.
I'll find out I was wrong about times I blamed fat prejudice for something
I'll find out I was wrong about my weight shielding me from friendships with shallow people
I'll lose some of my other fat friends because I won't be fat anymore
I'll still think of myself as fat
I won't be able to find a store or two that will sell clothes I like - there are almost too many choices!
it won't help my mobility and I'll be thin and in pain instead of fat & in pain
I'll look older without the fat keeping me wrinkle-free
my transitioning body will be unappealing
and that's excluding things like fear of complications, of losing too much, of having trouble eating, regain, etc.
but, my fear of getting fatter, of finally developing comorbidities, of ending up as a fat chick in a wheelchair are greater.
... you continue living life one day at a time like everyone and eventually one day your head wraps itself around the new normal? :)
I don't know if I hid behind my fat, but I do know losing it doesn't help my flaws.. I still procrastinate, I still am a lousy home-maker who hates to clean, I still have to force myself to get off my butt and hike (even though I love it when I actually DO it).. My aging parents are still a huge worry on me. The friends I thought would have a problem with my changes do, but thankfully they keep it to themselves for the most part.. and I've gotten less sensitive so I ignore a lot of weirdness as it's their issue, not mine. My relationship with my husband thankfully is just as strong as it was pre-op, with some added bonuses.
Physically, I feel great, though it didn't fix a few old aches and body issues- some damage isn't fixed just by losing excess weight. Mentally, I am handling the skin with better grace than I did years ago- not always, but on most days I do not hate it. I saw it before, so I was prepared.. and I will still wear a bathing suit, bits flapping in the breeze. I KNOW I look better, some days I see it clearly, some I don't and now some days I hate the way my top half looks as it's bony and that's kinda spooky to me as someone who's lived most of her life BIG and ROUND.
For the most part, nothing save for me has changed.. and I've only changed physically.. and I feel as if I'm holding my breath too.. for what, I have no idea? There is a certain unsettling that happens when things in the mirror shift so fast. It takes a lot of time to adjust, but it happens and life continues around you, without much notice to the changes you are going through.
I don't know if I hid behind my fat, but I do know losing it doesn't help my flaws.. I still procrastinate, I still am a lousy home-maker who hates to clean, I still have to force myself to get off my butt and hike (even though I love it when I actually DO it).. My aging parents are still a huge worry on me. The friends I thought would have a problem with my changes do, but thankfully they keep it to themselves for the most part.. and I've gotten less sensitive so I ignore a lot of weirdness as it's their issue, not mine. My relationship with my husband thankfully is just as strong as it was pre-op, with some added bonuses.
Physically, I feel great, though it didn't fix a few old aches and body issues- some damage isn't fixed just by losing excess weight. Mentally, I am handling the skin with better grace than I did years ago- not always, but on most days I do not hate it. I saw it before, so I was prepared.. and I will still wear a bathing suit, bits flapping in the breeze. I KNOW I look better, some days I see it clearly, some I don't and now some days I hate the way my top half looks as it's bony and that's kinda spooky to me as someone who's lived most of her life BIG and ROUND.
For the most part, nothing save for me has changed.. and I've only changed physically.. and I feel as if I'm holding my breath too.. for what, I have no idea? There is a certain unsettling that happens when things in the mirror shift so fast. It takes a lot of time to adjust, but it happens and life continues around you, without much notice to the changes you are going through.
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