Anyone nervous about succeeding?

I know that sounds crazy, but I'm putting it out there.  I'm admitting that I'm a little nervous to succeed.  I've been hiding behind my weight for so long that I'm not sure what I'm gonna do if/when I succeed with my sleeve.  I'm not going to cancel my surgery because of this, and yes I have talked to my therapist about it but I'm just curious who else feels this way. 

So I succeed...what then?

 I was terrified that I would go through this surgery and end up bigger than I started -  because, I've been OH SO Successful in my previous attempts (did you catch the sarcasm?)!!!

It's amazing what's happened to me during the last 3 months... it literally took me 3 months to be able to clean out my closet and get rid of my large size clothes  I WILL NOT go back to that size.  It is so amazing and I was in such disbelief prior to living with it for 3 months.  I've never lost 60+ pounds in 3 months before - total 79 pounds if you count what I did leading up to the procedure.

So you succeed... what then?  Learn to love the person you are, love life the way it was meant to be and 'rock your sleeve'!!!  There are days when I see "me" in the mirror and I'm learning to love the new me... live the new life and love it all!!

A lot of it is mental - I will make this work and I will succeed!!

Answer: yes, I know what you're talking about!! Next answer: you LIVE!!

I have always been a very successful over-achiever in every aspect of my life except weight loss. I feel like for the people around me, my weight loss struggle defines me. If I "beat" this, then what will my next hurdle be? Where will I be? Who will I be? The answers I found were these: My next hurdle will be whatever journey I choose to embark on. I will be right where I need to be; no one can predict the future and my fat future was as much a mystery as my possible skinny future. And lastly, I will still be me, just a happier, healthier version who isn't always tired and worn down and depressed from the weight of carrying around this fat suit.

I was so worried about failing and then succeeding scared me too. It's all the head talk we do to ourselves to justify why it's more comfortable to stay in the place we know than make real changes for our lives. Good luck to you on the next steps of your journey!

I could have written this post myself. I, too, have always been an overachiever in every way except my own physical self.

Through the years and many, many trips on the "yo-yo" dieting train, I have decided that I actually am afraid to be slim. My mother swears I have always had the attitude of "people must like me for who I am and not what I look like." To a certain extent, I suppose that is true. I never felt that I deserved to have someone find me attractive. I know that sounds weird. It is a strange thing to write out loud. I actually used to feel some validation when people would see my husband (who is a good looking guy) because I felt like they would think "Well, she must have been good looking at SOME POINT in her life if she hooked him." 

I am 40 now, I have three kids, and I've been married to that great guy for almost 17 years. I think I am finally learning that it is okay to do things for no other reason that I want to do them and to take care of myself.

 If your not nervous about succeeding ......Something is greatly wrong.......

Your not a success till you have lost the desired weight and maintained for 5 years.......

It's permanence were looking for.... right?

frisco

Your post really hit a nerve with me today..I am in a total down, funky mood today...Actually, I really suck today, so any sarcasm or negetivity you pick up in my post is 100% directed towards myself.

Am I afraid of success? maybe....no...I don't know. What is success?? Is it hitting that goal number on the scale? Is it being able to wear a certain size? What is it?....I am sure it is different for most everyone...with simply numbers as the criteria...no, I am not afraid to succeed. But that is where it stops for me. Sure, being that size or that weight is a goal and I will achieve them and yes that is success and no I am not afraid. But then what? Then what indeed.....because you see, success to me (I am sure to most all of you as well) is not only the weight or size...it is being able to do the things I so want to do.

Will I be able to run again? Maybe not the way I run in my dreams...which I dream of often...but at least a power walk? Will I be able to even exercise at all to help myself get to those numbers? (arthritic, fibromyalgia and spinal issues....)  Will that pain and immobility lessen?  Will I ever be able to be "normal" and be able to swim and wear a bathing suit in public? shorts? sleeveless top? Feel sexy naked with my husband? Not hate myself every time I look in the mirror?

No...I do not expect to have WLS, and have everything not perfect in my life  be miraculously healed. I have no delusions about any of that. But I am wanting so desperately to feel like who I really am inside. And I am terrified....painfully terrified of going through this....succeeding at the numbers and then still not having succeeded at any of the other "weight related" issues. Because then what?

Then there is nowhere else to go.....nothing left to do......no further hope.....so am I scared? Hell YES.
Will I do this anyway? Hell YES. Because not doing it means to continue like this...which is HELL.

I to so badly want the person that is in the inside to match what everyone else see. I am sure many of have blamed a lot of or problems or issues on our size. But what happens when we lose the weight what are we going to use as the scapegoat then? I fear that I may not be happy with my new and improved self. So I go thru all of this still not to be happy. I just keep telling myself you will do this and your life will be so much better in so many ways. Just think if we didn't do the surgery we will never know. I think I would rather say I did my best instead of saying I wonder what my life would be like if I would have done the surgery. We only have one life so lets live it. Not just be here. I am ready to live again not just go thru the motions! 

I bought a shirt 15 years ago at a comic con that I loved. It was the biggest they had, an XL and I only wore it maybe 10 times but then it became more snug that I wanted it to and I never got to wear it again. I never got rid of that shirt. I packed it away for that "someday" when I could wear it again because you know, I always planned to lose the weight.

Well when I scheduled my surgery I dug that shirt out and now it's hanging on my door by the mirror, Because BY GRABTHAR'S HAMMER I WILL WEAR THAT SHIRT AGAIN!

So when I think of losing the weight I have my happy thought. I get to wear that shirt I love so much. And that leads into all of the other things. So I know what's going to happen when I lose the weight. I'm going to do everything!

Am I scared of success? Well, that is a question I have looked deeply at and will re-visit many times again I am sure - both what success is and how I will define myself as I go along . . .

My first hurdles are all medical ones and I am knocking those down daily. If I could get over my dislike of exercise (yes, even walking), that would help with some of the rest of those.

But I have been reading these boards for quite some time and seen the strain that losing weight and gaining self-esteem can put on relationships with spouses or SO's, parents, siblings and very often friends. Talk about redefining relationships when you are no longer the fat one in the group (or duo) or say, you want to eat healthy and other people don't want to and in fact, try to sabotage you?

Now, I don't want to be a powder keg just looking for someone to "mistreat" me but I don't take a lot of guff from folks anyway (thanks to years of therapy lol) but imagine if I couldn't hide behind my fat? If I wasn't invisible?

I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it but I'm very aware that I started down this journey for ME . . . and not in a selfish way but in a good way. And if causes tensions or problems between myself and family or spouse - well, those will have to be dealt with and not divert me . . .

And my dream which may seem silly to some is to do a charity walk (have my first one all picked out which is only a little over 2 miles - so I need to get over my quarter mile I can walk now) and ask all those folks that I've given money to for their charities to sponsor me!! Talk about a win-win situation - my charity would get some money and I would feel fabulous !

You are all putting some pretty wonderful responses out there!  I have to admit it sounds like we all feel the same way and that makes me feel much better.  There are days where I feel so alone in this and that's when I click to come here and read.  Sometimes I post in an effort to see if there's others out there like me (like today).  I usually get some responses.

I'm so glad that we are all in this together and can help one another through this journey.  Yes, I'm doing this for myself, but it is a life changing event and that is scary.  However, it's exciting too. 

I'm so glad to read all of the responses, but am hopeful that others will respond too.  THANKS EVERYONE!!  Good luck to those whose surgery is yet to come.  Mine is April 24!!