Letter to Elina

 Elina, I read your post the other night about your friend and the pretzels with cheese and I thought to myself that you are probably a little too hard on yourself and a little over the top. It reminded me of stories I read about martyrs who would beat themselves with chains thinking they would get to heaven quicker! The way I look at it, sometimes we deserve a little break and need to just let go once in a while. I mean, we only live once, right? HOWEVER, this morning I got a really snarky email from my daughter that really hurt my feelings. So, instead of handling it by calling her to discuss it, I ate all day. I lost count of my calories after the first handful of peanuts at around 11 am. This behavior has been discussed endlessly with Dr. C and at our support groups but it still happens. I know that it is really lame to shove food in my face because my feelings are hurt but it is behavior that has been repeated over and over for as long as I can remember. I admire you for your strength, Elina, and want you to know that your resolve is awesome. Tomorrow is another day. I hope that I can draw some strength from the stories you post and be more mindful of how to handle temptation and emotional eating. Thank you!

I get it, really I do. I think a lot of people think that I am too militant about my eating. They just haven't seen me eat. :) I am mindful of my eating, and I am militant about staying mindful, but I eat a huge variety of things, things that would shock many on here. The part that I will not compromise, that I refuse to compromise, is the control. I will eat treats when and if I choose to eat treats; but I will never again mindlessly eat them. I hope this makes sense to people. The end of my journey has been all about learning to be in charge of my food and not the other way around and the final piece has had to do with learning to trust my ability to do this pretty much every time. Mindless eating is really a thing of the past for me. I have learned to give up certain behaviors forever. I never say that the weight loss is forever, but I have come to believe that the behaviors that I have battled have truly and permanently been replaced with new ones. Here are some examples of things I really don't do anymore, but used to do all the time.

1) I don't eat when I am bored, tired, or worn out. I don't eat for emotional reasons at all. I eat at my regular designated times only. If for whatever reason, I choose to eat at a different time, that alone is enough to trigger me to check in with myself to see if this is emotional eating and then use one of my strategies to not do it.

2) I don't eat unless I have prepared this food or chosen it at a restaurant or voluntarily put it on my plate. I do not allow others to dictate my food choices. I always say "no thank you" when offered food. This buys me time to really thing about my choice and I can always have some later if I want to, but it has to be MY choice. My extended family and friends now know not to offer me food, others still do it, and I am very strict about this rule.

3) In maintenance, there is no illegal food for me, I eat what I choose, I just choose to eat healthy 80-90% of the time. If I notice that this is changing, I check myself and go back to my normal. It doesn't take me long to notice since I eat more or less the same way and the same things, most of the time.

4) I weight myself every single day not matter what. The scale tells the tale and doesn't buy excuses, I need that type of accountability.

5) And finally, I only eat food that I really enjoy. I never eat mediocre food anymore, this is especially true for my treats. It had better be amazing, or I just move along.

Don't beat yourself up for one emotional eating day, you noticed that this is an issue and you will deal with it. Call me if you need to talk. I am sorry about the lousy letter from your daughter. Our kids and our parents can cut us to the quick. Hugs to you.

I want to add this one thought for all the newbies reading this post and response, if you get the VSG, you are getting a TOOL not the CURE for obesity. Failure to grasp this one thing, will lead to eventual regain.

 Thanks Elina, your answer was the point of the letter. I know what I need to do and sometimes I will stumble, but I also can pull myself up again and start over. You have helped me with that a lot. It's important to remember that what happened in the past isn't what will get me through in the future. I had a hard day and ate too much to comfort myself. But it wasn't comforting--it was more like punishing. At the end of the day I wasn't happy. But by recognizing it I can plan out my day today and move on. It's a lifelong battle for me and your tips and suggestions will help guide me and help me to have the kind of day that I want. I will start tomorrow happy if I take good care today.

Lisa, huge hugs to you. In truth, I always think you are the one that is hard on yourself. If people could see how lovely you are, not just on the inside--which we all can see, but also on the outside; they would know that you are a true success story.

I also just came across this quote, and I wanted to share it with you.

" Don't place your mistakes on your head, their weight might crush you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as a platform to view your horizons". Author unknown.

 Thanks, I knew I could count on you to make me feel all better. It's hard being the mom sometimes.