How did the VSG change your love life?

Being overweight is not easy, specially when it comes to relationships.  I have read a few post of people that were having issues in their marriage because of being overweight. Some didn't feel attractive and some were so insecure that it took a toll on their marriage or relationship.

I ask this question because I haven't found any stories of any people that have started new relationships after loosing the weight. And how being in a relationship affected them, whether in a positive or negative way.

I personally have had issues with men not giving me any compliments, or flirting with me... Hardly ever any man flirts with me. So its has definitely been hard to find someone to start a relationship with.

So it feels depressing when you go out with your girl friends to shop at the mall or out to dinner, and men always gravitate towards them because they are pretty and skinny.

I mean its not great to sit at a table and have men come over and talk with your friend and tell her how pretty she is and you are there jus****ching this go on and on... After a while it gets to you.

So reading posts some of you that have had insecurity issues with their partners, makes me wonder ... how about the ones that are not married, how did obesity affect that area of their life?

If you feel uncomfortable answering that's fine.

I mean, i'm not looking for love advise, because I know I am beautiful even though i am fat.. And if a man cant see that then hes not worth having me.

What I am looking for is your own experiences, because I know we have all experienced this one time or another.. Please be honest.

Thanks in advance.

Although I'm not single, I felt compelled to respond and it's simply to tell you that I know exactly how you feel. Although I'm married now (I met my husband in college when heavy, but certainly not this heavy!), but I felt like the QUEEN of being the fat friend out of a group of beautiful girls. It really does hurt so much! Even when I was considered  a "normal" weight, I will still not skinny and didn't really get any attention. I feel for you and understand your feelings and I just want to wish you the best of luck!

Nobody judge me... but I always used to say "I'm so sick of being told I'm funny and have a good personality... I'd rather be hot!!!" lol... of course, I say that half-kidding... but there were times when I felt like I'd rather give up intelligence, humor, and personality just to be good looking. BUT, like so many of us on these boards... I'm working really hard to being all of things all at the same time... and I do realize that all of those traits are not mutually exclusive.

Good luck!

Nikke2003,

Yep!! thats the same way i feel.. Sick and tired of being the funny- smart and good personality one.... I cant wait to be all that plus attractive!

I really appreciate your response

 

 

Hi, I can totally relate to how you are feeling! I am single and never really had a lot of men flirting with me or anything... until I lost weight (in the past, before VSG).  Every time I would lose weight men will be smiling, flirting, random men saying Hi at stores or on the street, i would have a boyfriend. As soon as I put on the weight back it will stop, I become invisible again (and usually lose a boyfriend, if I had one).    So, to tell you the truth, the main reason I got VSG is to improve my love life. I was a light weight for WLS (212lbs) and my health was fine, so looks was my main reason. And though I have not yet found a man to actually have a serious relationship with, I recently joined online dating and the amount of men I get contacting me is simply overwhelming. And all I have in my profile is a bunch of pictures (of me after weight loss, though I am not at goal yet, I wear size 10 and look MUCH better than I did at size 22) and just 2 lines describing myself, so most men contact me just because of my looks. It's very different from how it always used to be, and I am finally hopeful to meet someone special one day.   So, good luck to you with the weight loss and I firmly believe being thin will definitely improve ones love life! (As shallow as it might seem, and makes me feel very uncomfortable, unfortunately it's the reality).    And I know increased self-esteem from being thinner has something to do with it, but not nearly as much as how you look. 

Svz2012 Thanks!

I am glad to know that other people have gone through the same as me. Dont feel bad saying that you  got VSG to improve your love life. As long as you are happy- thats what matters.

I cant wait to see a change in that area of my life... Well because it does feel nice to get compliments.

Thanks again

 

I lost most of my weight with the LapBand.  As, I got slimmer, and gained self-confidence, I found myself leaving a unhealthy marriage.  That was a good thing, but dating for the first time in many years and actually being noticed by men was something that took some getting used to. 

I had always been the third party, as well.  Never got attention from men. Once I lost a significant amount of weight, I did get noticed more.   I soon found out that the dating game is crazy.  There are so many dishonest people out there and it's very easy to get hurt.  Maybe I was just too naive and trusting. 

After kissing a few frogs, I did meet and fall in love with a WONDERFUL man.  I know that I wouldn't have met him, had I not lost the weight.  It's not that he wouldn't have given me the time of day at a heavy weight, it's that I wouldn't have put myself out there.  That is one of the biggest lessons I learned along the way.  There are a lot of decent men out there that actually like women with meat on their bones.  They are mainly attracted to self-confidence and happy women.  Unfortunately, for most of us, we don't feel too happy OR self-confident when we are overweight, therefore, we aren't attracting men.  It's not always the weight, it's our outlook on ourselves.

I just wanted to say one other thing.  Every time I hear someone say, "If this guy couldn't see how wonderful I am while being overweight, then I won't give them the time of day once I am thin, and they notice me!", I cringe.  Sometimes it's all about attraction on  basic level, it's not anything personal.  For instance, I just don't find myself sexually attracted to men that are extremely short or ones that have radically different political views than mine.  It's nothing person to that particular guy, I am just not wired to attracted to that.  Some men are not attracted to obese women.  It's not a mean-spirited thing (most of the time), it's just how those men are wired. 

Hope some of this made sense!  In short, WLS  opened up my world in so many ways.  What I found out a long the way, is some of my barriers were just self-imposed.  Good luck!

 

 

 

Melly37,

Thats great you found someone who loves you for who you are.

About the people that say "If this guy couldn't see how wonderful I am while being overweight, then I won't give them the time of day once I am thin, and they notice me!".. If that makes them happy its great!! I think we all feel broken hearted when you are the Fat friend... And it doesn't hurt to let men know whats up.... If they are all about physical appearance etc...  Personally I dont think he should be worth your time... basically because  my Physical is going to get all wrinkly sooner or later... but my insides will only improve with time...

I really appreciate your comment, I am glad to hear that yah there are still men out there worth our time...

:)

 

I never really got male attention before when I was heavier but my self image was always really bad.  I did have heavy girlfriends who got dates because they were really out going & made sure they got noticed.  I think that is awesome!  Now that I am thinner, I do get some attention.  I might get more if I actually oozed self confidence but honestly, I don't like the attention in real life.  I have always been shy around men so that might have been part of my problem. 

My husband admittedly has always had a "thing" for bigger girls. All his girlfriends were above average weight. We've been together for 12yrs now, married for 10yrs and at my highest I was 375lbs and he never made me feel anything less than gorgeous. He always wanted me and always made me feel loved & attractive even when I didn't quite feel it myself. 

After VSG and 83lbs from my highest weight, 59 since surgery, he literally can not keep his hands off of me. It's almost TOO much sometimes. I know he loved me when I was extremely big, but to see the smile on his face when he wraps his arms all the way around my waist and then some makes me feel good. I know he likes what he sees and it gives me that extra boost of motivation & confidence I need since I tend to mope about how jiggly things are getting or how much my excess skin is becoming apparent. 

It's all about finding the right man for you. The right man will love and adore you the way you see some fawn over your "skinny, pretty" friends. A lot of how men approach us is how we feel about ourselves as well. If you are confident at any weight men like that, they feed off of that.