My Journey's Tale

Ok, so this is likely to get a bit ramble-like, so I apologize in advance.

I have been overweight since I was five....FIVE. I grew up with the names, and, God love her, with a mother who was thin and constantly demanding physical perfection from me. I failed her there, I'm afraid, though I think in the end, I perhaps did so out of rebellion.

A couple of times in my life, I lost nearly 100lbs...and always put it back on, plus some. Generally, I think, because I just wasn't so comfortable in my skin lighter because I didn't know how to BE lighter.

Now, I find myself with this amazing tool and on this magical journey. I'm thrilled! I love my sleeve and I love the freedom it's giving me. Each new day brings amazing joys...like a sudden burning desire to own and wear a dress though I've not done so in over 7 years. I love the changes in my life...but I hardly recognize myself anymore and I find those old nervous feelings creeping in. Like not being sure how to act because I don't know how a "normal" sized woman my age behaves. Part of it is, I think some of us females, for sure me, abdicated my femininity as the weight kept piling on. Effectively, the weight took me out of tha game, so to speak, and while that was in some ways uncomfortable, in others it was very comfortable.

I didn't have to compete, in a way, because I was already a loser of sorts. Now, by virtue of my "normality" returning, suddenly, I'm thrust back in the game. I've gone from comfortably invisible, to very visible. To make matters more confusing, I keep doing things to heighten my visibility. WTF is up with that?

For example, a few months ago, I bought glasses with bling on them. Not the actions of someone who doesn't wish to be noticed. Then recently, I cut my hair kinda pinky short with a dye job of brown, red and blonde....again, to be noticed. What's up with that?

Shopping is my new favorite hobby....and we'll, I've found a real love of sort of retro, rockabilly, fifties style clothes. You know that will garner attention. And yet, I still don't know how to be normal sized....and I'm afraid ill sabotage myself back to comfort if I don't figure this out.

I'm crazy grateful and happy for my new life. I'm 9 lbs from Onderland, a place move not been since high school....and I'm 44 years old.  But I must get this figured out.

Wow! Can I relate to that... Same age, same feelings, etc... When you have it figured out please let me know so when I get there I'll know what to do.
All the best to you!!!

Insightful! Thanks for sharing a bit of your true self!

I love your post!  Thank you for being so honest.  I'm only 7 days sleeved so I don't know the victories that you have achieved, but  stories like yours make me feel like I can do it too!  Thanks for being so inspirational!  

Congratulations to you!

 

v

Thank you for your totally fabulous and honest post. I am SO relating. I sit in a dinner party. Normal people drink liquids but I cannot. OK, so I cannnot be normal. But I am closer to normal size now. How am I supposed to act? At home I eat off a salad plate using a ****tail fork. In restaurants I am full after the appetizer.

This is all new territory for me.

I am 49. Aren't people my age supposed to know how to behave. Um, no.

I had a big old fashioned cry fest three nights ago, trying to explain to my love that I HAVE NEVER BEEN SUCCESSFUL AT WEIGHT LOSS BEFORE so I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO ***BE*** HERE.

I am here though, and the only way out is through, so, through it is. And for the record, I am shopping the following three brands for my dream dress at goal -- all retro.

http://www.lindybop.co.uk/other-dresses-13-c.asp

http://www.chicstar.com/storefront/listcategories.aspx?dresses&id=2

http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/

So there.

(((hugs))))