Okay Frankly...I'm PISSED

and upset.  Today I get an email from my sister who I don't talk to.  (lots of personal reasons) She is emailing to tell me of things in her life but mentions that I could tell her about my surgery. UMMMMM I have not told her of this....since I don't talk to her.  I immediately call my parents. They are the only ones in the family still communicating with her. I said "why did you tell her about my surgery"? Apparently my dad told her.  I'm pissed.  I had voiced to both my parents to not tell anyone.  This is MY story not theirs to tell! My mom was here during my surgery and I told her I was mad at my mother in law for telling my husbands Aunt of my surgery.  The only people I told were my parents and two of my siblings and my mother and father in law because they were watching my kids during all my doctor appts etc and during surgery.  My mom then tells me that she has "only" told her friend "Tracy".  "Well you know Tracy?" No I DONT! I have never met the woman EVER.  How dare you tell your friends when I havent even told MY friends! My Mother in Law said "Well its your husbands Aunt"....well I havent even told any of MY AUNTS!!!! I didnt tell my sister because SHE IS NOT PART OF MY LIFE!  (her choice not mine) This choice I made is DEEPLY personal to me and for me the more who know the more pressure I feel.  The more I see peoples eyes watching me.  I am not keeping this a secret forever.  I told those I wanted to confide in. Those that I could trust and look where it got me.  Now I just feel like cheap gossip...."guess what Jennifer did?" I will tell my story in my own time and on my terms!!! This is MY journey!! So mad.....sorry for venting but knew you guys would understand.  And by the way both in laws and parents were told that I want to keep this to myself till I am ready! Totally disrespectful! My dad said sorry but that does me no good now. You cant take back this part of my life I didnt want shared!!!!!!

I don't blame you for being upset.  It seems no matter how much you EXPECT people to keep quiet about it, they cannot. My dad told my brother, whom I don't speak to but maybe twice a year.  I didn't want him to know either.  I'm sorry, I guess once one person knows, the risk of anyone and everyone knowing is always there. :(

Totally understand and feel your frustration!  Vent as much as you need!

I was very upset with those I thought would keep my confidence. They didn't. I was very mad, but learned a very valuable life lesson.

Oh, wow, that stinks! I so feel your pain!  I didn't tell my sister, and she and I have a horrible relationship (non existent at this point).  If my mom ever did tell her about my WLS, I could see my sister telling all of our mutual high school friends and even posting it somehow on Facebook.  I hope she never finds out!

At least get you sister to SWEAR not to tell anyone!

It sucks but I've never known a family that can keep secrets. Sorry this happened to you.

I know you didn't ask for any advice, so don't read any further if you don't want it.

I learned a long time ago that one of the ways to relieve stress is to not keep secrets and always be open about things that don't matter in the grand scheme of life. I have no idea why you feel the need to keep WLS a secret. Would you keep it secret if you had a knee replaced so you could walk? You had WLS to improve your life. There isn't anything shameful about it and if you aren't ashamed, why keep it a secret?  Keeping it from some family member because you don't get along I understand, but I'm talking generally.

You are not a failure and have nothing to be ashamed about and if asked, you should be open about it. Hope this advice doesn't **** you off, I've just never understood the need to keep things like this secret from people, especially if they ask. Secrets are stressful and if one person knows, it's no longer a secret. I wish you all the best.

I totally understand!!!!!! I am going through this with my boyfriend! UGHH I have told a lot of people, more than I planned to tell. My parents, Sister, a couple cousins and a couple aunts. I didnt really want his family to know about it, but he told his Mom, then his Aunt, then his Sister. His sister is so negative about it! It makes me more determined to succeed. He told her I was thinking about it a few months ago and her comment was why doesnt she just exercise. UGHHHH and this is why I didnt want people to know. I totally know the anger you feel, I cried I was so angry at him.

I'm so sorry about all the tattle tales in your life. I'd be pissed too if I were you.

I don't have a relationship with my sister either, and she's the last person I want to know about my surgery.

Years ago, I told my mom I was researching WLS and she blabbed it to my grandpa. Who then proceeded to send me 20 different diet books in the mail. I know he was trying to help me, but it was incredibly hurtful. I am having surgery next week and no one in my family knows. Mostly because I don't want to have to defend my decisions to them (in the case of my dad, it's because he has many other issues and I don't want to stress him out).

I just wished I had a sister... I am sitting here reading your stories about having a sister and we aren't talking...  My family is very important to me, sure we might have a squabble here and there but we never stay mad at each other... Life is to short for that.   I just lost my dad 2 years ago to cancer, and his wife kept him away from us kids and grandkids as much as she could .  He would never put his foot down but when it came to him laying in a hospital bed for 5 months because the cancer ate through his spine, guess who took care of her dad?  Me!!!!   His wife came and saw him for a couple hours in the morning and then she was off to the house selling all of my dads property while he laid in bed dying, behind his back.   So in the 30 years he was married to her and that she kept him away from us, because of her being so jealous, In the end the one who always loved him was there for him, Night and Day.  Life is a gift, Treasure it, you never know when they are going to be taken away from you.  Sorry if I step on toes I know there could be good reasons, I just can't imagine how hard it is on parents with the siblings thatfight and not get along as adults.. It's sad 

I get where you're coming from, because my family and I are very close... BUT... in knowing my husbands family and how he was raised, sometimes it is best to separate yourself from certain family members for your own well being.  Just because they are family, does not mean they know how to foster a healthy relationship.  It's very sad, and has a lot of ramifications... I have had to learn that some people, as much as they want it, cannot wish and hope their way into a healthy relationship with family members.