People get their digs in, in such an ugly way...

Today I encountered my first negative comment about my weight loss that really bothered me.  I have found that some people are envious but still kind hearted.  I was dying before surgery and now I am off all but one of my medications and I have lost almost 50 pounds now.  This person delivered her comments in such away that she just turned and walked away, seemingly pretty pleased with herself, akin to dropping a nuclear bomb on somebody.  I know I'm painting a picture like I am her victim but actually she is the coward and the ugly person here.  We do not have it so easy, we have to be mindful of everything we eat, when we eat it, and how we take our vitamins too.  These people are so uneducated and insecure about our success.  I will have to be careful to not let these comments bother me!  It's really all her problem...first time since my surgery that I've had to deal with something that I have trouble coping with!

I think of it this way...what other people think of you is none of your business.  I know it's hard, but try to let it go; not everyone is as smart as we are!

You left us hanging without the comment she made.

Look...the only reason that comment bothered you (and would have me as well) is that in the back of our minds we think some of those things too. I know it has crossed your mind as it has mine that perhaps we took the easy way out. Why couldn't we just do this without having our stomachs removed. Why could we just not make the common sense decisions that now we are forced to make every day. Why were we so lazy to let ourselves get this way.

So yes she was a douche for making the comment (whatever it was) but there is a reason we are sensitive to it. That being said, we are here now, F the haters, this is not easy, now that we are here we know how much work it is and how obsessive we have to be about eating the right things and getting exercise.

Here is what I know. I am now down from 5X clothes to a normal regular L clothes. My waist went from 54+ (I was stuffing myself in because I refused to buy bigger so maybe as high as 58) to as of right now 36 but hopefully will end up in a 34. I am somewhere between a L and an XL on the t-shirt depending on manufacturer and I can run 3 miles without a trip to the hospital. So at the end of the day, no matter what anyone else thinks, this was totally worth it.

I look better, I feel better, I am better. You need to be a duck and those comments need to be water. Let them roll off your back and move on.

Well said Keith!!!! 

Well, in the 20 seconds it took to ride down the elevator she intimated that it was most unnatural way to lose weight.  We could all argue about "natural" , its like saying we should all be normal, It was a statement that was worthy of being ignored actually and its the first time since surgery that anyone has made a negative comment.  I am in my sixth week and aside from a couple of minor things I have not had any problems with anyone.  It really rubbed me the wrong way and I have to cope with it better.  I have to acknowledge the fact that I was angry with her statement and also her statement was degrading as well as the inconsiderate way she dropped it on me and turned tail and ran for the bus.  I thought by posting it I would enlighten myself, and frankly I do feel better thanks to everyone's comments!  This is a miracle for me and with my new health I am starting to believe I can actually live a longer, happier life.    She just does not realize what our days are like.  As you say it is not the easy way out, she may never get it and her own insecurities are plaguing her too.  I have to deal with my feelings in a positive way for me that's mostly what its all about!

Is it "natural" to have to take meds to keep our BP, cholesterol, sugar, etc. in check because our weight is out of control? We have medical assistance for all kinds of things. By that reasoning, an infertile woman should not be able to have a child, an amputee should not get a prosthetic limb, I could go on...

I'm so sorry she hurt you. Screw her. At least you are having the realization that you need to work on your coping skills a little when it comes to negativity. And you're not running for the refrigerator either, so that's a victory. Hugs to you.

Thanks so much for everyone's support.  I am feeling so much better.  I am sure if it happens again I won't think much about it - been there done that!  Thanks again! And, you're right, I didn't run to the fridge! Not that there's much in there...

My standard response is, "Maybe, but according to all the research, I'd have a 1-5% chance of losing this weight and keeping it off the "natural" way.  I'm choosing to use medical research to make smart decisions."  There really is no valid argument against that.  And would she tell someone who had IVF they got their child in an "unnatural" way?  (Maybe--maybe the person is that rude and incapable of empathy, in which case they are a terrible person and not worth your thought.)

Also, Keith is right.  I was bothered by the idea of comments pre-op because I had not fully made myself ok with needing weight loss surgery.  Once I accepted that I really was making a decision based in research, not one made because I wanted the "easy" way, I stopped caring what other people thought. 

Now, I do not care what anyone thinks.  I tell everyone about my surgery if they ask what I'm doing (I mean, it would be weird if I just went up to strangers and told them, right?).  It is hard to argue with results.

Our culture has such a misunderstanding of obesity.  It permeates society and we have to deal with the prejudice and judgement all the time.  We have to make an active plan to combat this negativity, or it wears us down. 

There is also a huge misunderstanding of Weight loss surgery.  Some people think of it as a cop-out from managing ourselves.  But we know that's not the case.  WLS is a huge commitment, hard work, and does not provide any guarantees. 

You should be proud of yourself for your success in your weight loss journey and don't let the misconceptions of others impact you.  You are doing a great job.  It is hard work, and you deserve all the credit.

Carol

Well said