I feel guilty - My sister in law thinks I lost 90 lbs 'naturally'

I am in a competitive situation with my sister in law.  She is smug and snobby and it makes me feel like I am in a competition with her.  Well, she and I both struggle with weight.  But, I did not and do not want to tell anyone on that side of the family about my VSG.  It is too painful, my failures, it is none of their business.  But, my sister in law emailed me tonight asking for help - how did I do it?  She just had her first baby and is the biggest she has ever been (about 40 lbs overweight, but she is short).

I just told her, "Thank you!  I try to do low carb and eat protein first". 

I feel somewhat guilty.

At 40 pounds overweight, I do not believe WLS is an option she would consider.  She asked for help, and the help you can give her is to outline those successful behaviors you practice that she can use.  No lie there and you can be proud of  your progress.  Seriously, thnk about it- without the exercise, water, food logging, moderate, mindful eating, as well as healthy food choices- WLS or no- you would have nothing to share with her.  It is the behaviors as much as the WLS that has brought you to the place you are.  Hold your head high, girl, you have much to be proud of!  Good luck with this.

Great post! I second this! 

What Miss said, because she's awesome.

I will only add that you need to ask yourself some questions - what will your SIL do with the information about your surgery? Will she treasure it and protect it like a best friend would do for you? Will she tell you how proud she is of you for making such a difficult decision? Will she tell you how sorry she is that you felt like you had to go through this alone--without her support?

If you are letting out a snarky laugh at any of my questions, then you need to let go of the guilt and consider your decision not to tell her about your WLS as protection. You are loving yourself and putting yourself first in this and a big part of that is choosing to protect yourself from people who might take personal information and use it as a weapon.

I don't think you should feel guilty. It is none of her business if you don't want it to be. Only a handful of people in my family know. I do feel guilty for not telling my mom, we are close and I love her, but she also just cannot keep her mouth shut and will tell her plethora of sisters and more.  Only because she is happy for me, but I don't want all of those people to know.  They are all toothpicks and kind of snotty. 

I've already decided that when people ask in the future how I did it I will just tell them something like, "I'm counting calories, eating small meals throughout the day, I eat a high protein diet, more veggies & fruits, and very little grain based carbs, I'm exercising regularly, I'm regularly seeing my doctor, and dealing with my food addiction through therapy"

It'll all be true, and it's not like these things aren't a huge part of my future weight loss. (I'm only a little over two weeks out) :)

Just tell her what you are doing, without including surgery, and don't feel guilty.

100% agree!

There's nothing "unnatural" about your weight loss. You lost weight the same way everyone loses weight - by adopting healthier eating habits and burning more calories than the calories consumed. It's not like you eat all the junk food you want everyday and have the fat sucked out of you once a week.

Remember what they say - WLS is a tool for weight loss, not a solution. You still have to work at it.

Very much true!  I was just talking to my surgeon on halloween about or stomach being a tool now and it changed our stomach, not our mental state.

I used to hide the fact that I had surgery. It was really embarrassing when someone would ask me how I lost so much weight, or if they confronted me and asked if I had surgery. Now that I am 3 years out I look at things differently. I have many friends that I have met at support groups and I realize that this was no "easy way out". It was hard work and continues to be. I am not ashamed of my decision to have surgery. Just the opposite is true. I am proud of my accomplishments. I think that being honest and helpful with anyone who asks makes me stronger and prouder of the person I have become. Most of my over weight friends are too afraid of surgery and continue to struggle with diet alone. They are the ones who never find the happiness that I have found. It doesn't matter what you tell your sister in law. But being honest with her is nothing to be ashamed of. It's really something you should be really proud of and it might just make you closer to her. You may be doing her a great favor. Forty pounds today will most likely be 80 pounds in the future. 

If she has struggled with her weight - then she likely already knows how to lose it.....limit calories, up protein water exer....blah blah blah.....what she wants to know is not the facts of weight loss, she like so many of us before is looking for the magic answer.  I think your answer was truthful- you Are losing through a diet change and ha*****ange.....you will be best able to keep it off with the VSG...so, when she asks in a year or two or five how you kept it off, then you can feel guilty about not being totally truthful:)