Did you have WLS with your spouse or significant other?

Did any of you have the weight loss surgery with your spouse or significant other? What challenges did you face? My husband and I are in the process of completing our insurance requirements and are planning for surgery in February. Part of me feels like we are on different pages - I want to make all these changes right away like what we are eating and exercise and he's more resistant claiming slow and steady is the way to go and wants me to wait for him.  I just want to hear other people's experiences (good or bad!)

While I did not do this with a spouse, I wish there were some things that I had started earlier in my journey.  I was able to get off of pop prior to my pre-op diet, but I wish I had cut my carb intake more prior to surgery.  I also wish I had started exercising prior to my surgery also.  Unfortunately, there will be some things that will be easier for you because you are doing it with someone else but each of you will have your own way of doing things and that does not make either one of you right or wrong.  Also, because he is a man, he may do better than you even if he is doing it different than you.  Do not let it discourage you, do what works for you and let him do what works for him.  My family was overweight when I started this journey and I did not make them eat any differently but they slowly changed on their own.  You probably are on different pages but that is okay.  Good Luck with your surgeries.

If you're all set for surgery in February, listen to your husband.  You'll burn out if you go hog wild now.  Not only do you have 3 months to wait out but you also have the holidays to contend with.

Things will be different on the other side, but you won't likely care.  For now, take some time to enjoy some of your favorite things.  That's what I did before going cold turkey on the pre-surg diet.

One thing you could do is walk.  Walking will be a way of life after the surgery, getting accustomed to it now wouldn't hurt.

I would have to disagree with the above poster. I think making as many changes before surgery is a good idea. The less weight you have to lose after surgery the better in my opinion. I also had an easier recovery and I have no doubt that with the extra 107 lbs I lost before surgery still on my body, getting around would have been MUCH more difficult. Making a tons of changes, all at once after you've had surgery and your emotions are all over the place would be EXTREMELY difficult in my opinion.

All of you have good points. I think for me it's just that I am so excited and I want to make these changes now! I've been overweight since I was 8. That's a long time! As far as my husband goes, I know he is excited too but he is also hard to get motivated. I honestly didn't think he'd want to do the surgery but I worry that he isn't taking it as seriously as I do. I know he also has a lot more going on with school and work.  I guess I should let him do it the way he wants to and I can do it the way I want to and then I know I won't be disappointed with myself in the long run. We have started walking. I walk 6 days a week and he usually walks with me 3 or 4 of those days.

Congrats to you and your husband for starting this journey together!

My husband and I had surgery 3 weeks apart - I was first in February 2013 and he followed in March.  Our journeys have been completely different.  He let me do all the research, find the doctor, etc. - which is completely not his personality - he usually researches everything.  I was so worried that he would not take this seriously and change his lifestyle.  What got us started on this journey was his poor health - type 2 diabetes & shingles complications.  I  knew he wouldn't do the surgery by himself and my weight was getting totally out of control - I also had health risks.  Just giving you some background. 

What I've learned about doing this together is probably the same thing I've known all about our marriage - you cannot change someone - he has to do this by himself - make the changes himself.  Nagging does not work.  We really didn't make the major changes in our lifestyle until the two-week pre-op diet.  We had lots of last meals at our favorite restaurants - I'm not saying this is the right thing to do - just what we did.  At the two-week pre-op time, I got rid of all the bad foods in our pantry, refrigerator & freezer when he was not home as he cannot stand to waste food.  During this time, I was constantly on this website and others doing research - he never looked once that I saw.  Very frustrating to me but I tried to tell him the various things I was learning.  Our surgeon did a great job in the pre-op appointment - spent over an hour with my husband going over each detail so he was prepared.  I started walking at the pre-op diet time - not him at all. 

HIs opinion was that he did not need to do the research - he was just going to do this.  He is a Type A personality - and he had made up his mind - with our doctor's advice (our long-time internist had been trying to get him to do WLS for years) that this was the right thing to do.  Just the way he is.  And he's done it.

It's my job (just the way we have our marriage set-up) to have healthy food in the house and cook some good dinners, have lunch fixings ready. I've gotten us insulated lunch bags and containers for our food.  I've found some fun WLS recipes that I try and we are also learning new vegetables that we now love - who knew spaghetti squash was so good(a food foreign to us before this journey)?  Our Friday night pizza nights are now shrimp nights - either grilled shrimp or shrimp ****tails - so good and so low calorie.  We also did not have greek yogurt a part of our lives before this journey now we cannot imagine life without it!  This all happened after the surgery - not really something beforehand as I look back.

Ok - what is frustrating to me is that he is doing so well losing weight without one bit of exercise - just something he has chosen not to do.  I'm busting my butt at the gym and slowly losing weight.  He can definitely eat more carbs than me and not eat as cleanly as me and lose weight.  Frustrating!  But he is so encouraging to me to exercise and stay away from the carbs. He also does not log his food regularly as I have found is so important to me.  And he's still not on these boards - and he's almost lost 100 lbs.  I've lost 64.  I'm obsessed every morning about that number on the scale and hate when it barely moves or goes up 1/2 lb or 1 lb.  He also weighs every day but doesn't get obsessed as he knows he stair steps weight - down a couple of lbs, then up a lb or two then back down.  I cannot seem to grasp that concept (same thing happens to me but at a slower pace).  

Our approach to this WLS has been totally different as we are totally different people - but we have both been successful.  I still cannot change him or do this process for him - big lesson I'm always learning.  But we do encourage each other. And I'm a slow loser and he is not.  UGH!

What is absolutely so exciting is that this is 9 months later and I think some of these habits are now are new lifestyle!! Oh MY GOSH!  I never in my life could believe that we could change!!  And we aren't done losing.  We are already trying to come up with our holiday menus that will work for us and our family - We are changing a lot of traditions - I'm so excited to have a partner to bounce ideas off of who is totally on board with a newer healthy lifestyle.

I know I've written a book here but hope our story encourages you - we are totally two different people from this time last year.  Still not skinny but have a bounce to our step and a twinkle in our eyes!  Good luck to you both!

Still thinking about this process as we were in your shoes about the same time frame - you have to do what works for you.  But some changes you can work on - start changing the negative thought processes "I'm always going to be fat" "I've never been successful", etc.  

You can slow down the Diet Cokes if that is a problem for you - was a major thing for me and the one thing I really miss today is my Diet 7-up and Diet Ginger Ale .  Enjoy them while you can! ( I've chosen to leave them totally behind - some people can still have them - not me - always a debate on this board - just the path I've chosen.)

Don't set yourself up for failure by going on a huge diet right now before the holidays - JMHO - we've all done that a million times and failed and that just contributes to our negative self images.   BUT you can make changes without your husband doing the same - just have a couple of bites of your favorite dessert or dish - concentrate on protein and getting your water in and doing your walks.  Try eating really slowly and really chewing your food.  Work on those negative thought processes.  Work on why you gained weight.  That's a huge step in this process - start now trying to work on that.  

Your life is really going to change in February. If you can lose weight now in November and December - that is awesome and would help with recovery.  But if you can get through the holidays with staying the same and not gaining weight - that is also great.  I do think the mental part of this process is huge - and that is something you can start doing now!

Hello Banana14.  My husband had the RNY 2 years before I had the sleeve.  I kind of looked at him as the guniea pig (no pun intended) and I watched how things went for him those 2 years.  I am glad we didn't do it at the same time, because I am not good with competition, if he had lost more than me, done better than me, I would of just given up I believe.  Just remember this procedure is different for everyone--let him be in charge of his own weight loss and you take care of yours--it won't be easy but you can do it!!!