Mind not caught up with my Body
Hi Everyone
I haven't posted in ages since I had my sleeve back in February but felt compelled as I know the community of folks on this forum is one of the best support sources one could ever have going through this weight loss journey.
That being said, here's my story.....I was sleeved this past February 20--I'm just about 10 months and down about 120lbs. Surgery weight was 320 but before my 2 week liquid diet I was 340. I've gone from a tight 24 to a fitting 26 to now about a 16. From my waist to my head I've completely thinned out and was to my a nurse just yesterday to not lose any more (not the best comment, but that's another story). My current weight is 219 and first the first time in my adult life I actually have shape.
But to those that haven't experience this journey--like my closest friends, family, and co-workers , they don't really know or understand just how I feel sometimes and it's a bit frustrating to both me and them.
A nurse on my surgeon's team told me that I am still thinking like a fat girl and that my mind hasn't caught up with my body. I was offended at first--but now I'm thinking maybe she was right.
When I look in the mirror sometimes I still see my former self. I walk into a clothing store and still shop for 2xl/3xl clothes until I try them on and realize thats no longer me. I get amazed when I feel a flatten tummy, a waist, and actually real curves and not fat.
People are giddy and astounded as they tell me how different I look. Now, I love the attention---don't get me wrong...but it makes me wonder "Did I look that bad before???? Another nurse said to me, "well you weren't married before--but you will be soon" WTH??? Do people just not know what to say out their mouths??
I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm rambling, but lately I have just been so amazed by this 10 month transition. I'm not same physically or mentally it's kinda scary when I reflect.
Just wanted to know if someone else has felt this just weird feeling.
Thank you Guys for reading
My surgery was almost 11 months ago. I have lost 118lbs. I still catch myself saying that I can't do something that has a weight limit on it. I too want to go to the large women's section to shop. I still feel and think like I am a larger person. It has gotten better over time but I know it is going to take a lot longer for my mind to catch up with my body.
Wow, that nurse is incredibly rude. As if it should be every fat woman's goal to lose weight so she can run out and find a husband. Sheesh.
Anyway, I'm with you on my mind not being caught up with my weight loss. I have no concept of what I look like, no idea what size to try on when I go shopping. I mean, it's awesome, but it messes with my head a bit. I don;t think you are alone at all in having this feeling. Hopefully our minds will catch up with our bodies eventually!
Lindsay ~ 5'4" ~ HW (5/6/13): 280 ~ SW (5/17/13): 273 ~ CW: 140
Losses by month: pre-op: -8 M1: -18 M2: -12 M3: -13 M4: -9 M5: -10 M6: -12 M7: -14 M8: -12 M9: -2 M10: -8 M11: -9 M12: -2 M13: -6 M14: -7
Because I was so freaked out by hitting a size 12 last weekend (uncharted territory as in never in my life can I remember being this size), I have started a 30 day photo project. Every day I am taking a photo of myself, and I'll be printing and posting them on my wall in my bathroom or somewhere I spend time to force myself to really SEE what I look like. I plan to discuss this with my therapist next week and I hope she is ok with it. I know that I don't REALLY see my progress when I look in the mirror, but that I do when I take photos I see it. I figure this is a good (gentle) way to give myself a reality check.
At my trainer's request, I put together a was/is photo and posted it to my OH profile (progress folder) a few minutes ago. The "is" photo is from a couple of days ago, and is one of the photos from my photo project. The "was" photo is painful for me to look at, but I'm working on embracing ALL of it, the good, the bad, the ugly. It's my history and I can't change it.
Good luck on your journey. I hope this helps.
Laurie
Sleeved 6/12/13 - 100 pounds lost to get to goal!
on 11/15/13 9:37 am - Canada
I think part of the problem is that we imprint on our brains what we looked at in the mirror (and pictures) for such a long time. Your brain hasn't replaced that image yet. I love the idea of a photo wall that you see often. It will train your brain to see what is now and lose the image of what was. Even just making your phone home screen a picture of the 'current' you will help replace that image.
I actually had the opposite problem for a lot of years. I had gained weight but still saw myself at the size I liked my body at (190 lbs). It took me years to accept that I was 230. I'd see myself in pictures and wonder what the heck was wrong with the angle of the camera lol.
Keep looking at yourself, you really are that wonderful!
Part of the reason I sought a therapist who specialized in eating disorders was because of this. I suppose it's body dysmorphia, but never officially diagnosed.
Thanks for your encouragement. Keep up the good work, yourself! And I like the idea of putting my photo on my home screen. Great idea. (and much better than the derp photos my daughter enjoys pranking me with!)
Laurie
Sleeved 6/12/13 - 100 pounds lost to get to goal!
