Family Support

Life isn't fair.  Surely your husband knows that by now.

There is no single 'what works' or 'what's right' or 'what's fair'.  Every individual is different. 

I'm allergic to scallops, so we never eat them even though my wife likes them.  She says there's no food she likes enough to make it worth me getting sick as a dog. She has a snake phobia, so not only will I never have a pet python (not that I'd want one), we can't look at snakes in zoos, or even watch a show about them on TV.  We will sure as heck never visit Australia.  That's okay with me.  No animal is that interesting that it's worth putting her through the fear and discomfort of her phobia. And Australia is full of, eeewww, Australians.  (Kidding.  It's a New Zealand joke.  Ozzies hate us because we're so much better at rugby than them.)

I figured out what I had to eradicate completely from my life ( potato chips and the like), what I can usually walk away from (cakes and cookies, though sometimes I succumb), and what I have zero interest in (fast food).  I told my wife, and she totally supported me.  We will never have chips in our house.  We occasionally have cakes and cookies (usually baked by me) but she reminds me (and takes them away from me) if I slip up.  I'm most likely to slip up in the evenings, so she tries not to snack in the evenings on anything I might want to eat, and that way I'm not tempted.  Instead she eats things I hate, like custard and rice pudding and bananas.  I need to eat protein and some veg and very little carbs, so she's switched to the same diet and eats meat and veg for dinner without rice or potatoes or anything, and never complains at all.

She'd give up anything and everything if it'd help me, but that's the way our marriage works.  I'd be happy if she met me halfway; I'm ecstatic and well aware of how lucky I am that she's at my side every step of the way.  If she wouldn't meet me halfway, if she refused to make any changes....I reckon it'd have been the end of our relationship.

Just like Devon, this is my life, as well.  My husband is thin and basically eats whatever he wants including 8 crunch tacos from Taco Bell (bleh), but he also forgets to eat.  He knows the stuff that is really tempting to me, and he won't bring it in the house.  I don't let my kid eat crap in general because I'm terrified of her having an overweight childhood, although I think my pudginess was mainly from steroids because I was severely asthmatic.  She's also only two, so there's no argument yet. 

So, what I'm saying is - your trigger foods, the things you know you can keep out of your mouth, keep them out of the house.  If there are other things that can be substituted (say BBQ chips instead of Salt & Vinegar or Oreos instead of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies), then do that.  I have very few things I can't say no to, but those things (cupcakes from my favorite bakery, etc) dont' come in the house unless I plan on eating them.  I don't think you need to ban all junky food, but honestly it's not good for your husband or your kids.  You want to set your kids up for success, and just being thin doesn't automatically equal being healthy - my hubs has high cholesterol and my stats were perfect both before surgery and now.  I don't want my husband to feel deprived, but he's taken quite nicely to our modified eating.  I'm the one that cooks, and he eats what I cook.  I make sure to have some form of carb for him (rice, potatoes, pasta, etc) that I don't eat since he doesn't need to worry about that, but the food I cook tastes good to him.  Your hubs needs to get on board.  He doesn't need to be deprived, but he does need to support you and keep your trigger foods out of the house.  End of story.  You shouldn't be made to white knuckle it every day.  That is just not fair.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and perspective. It was actually my husband's suggestion that I ask the question here, and it was the best idea! I will share the answers with him, and am sure we will be able to find a compromise that will work. I really really appreciate your insights!!!