Family Support

Good morning, all!!! I'm just wondering whether your families were supportive of your decision, and allowed you to make changes that impacted their lives as well.

A little background. My husband is thin and has very poor eating habits. He's incredibly picky and keeps things in the house that are absolute disasters for me. Potato chips, soda, ice cream bars, etc. He also does the grocery shopping for our kids, and brings home things like hot dogs, fruit snacks, cookies, crackers, etc. for them. After going to my first PCP appointment yesterday I'm worried. My PCP says that if my huband is unwilling to ban those things from our house, and to help me take control of our kids' diets, it will be very difficult for me to be successful after the surgery. I talked to my husband last night, and his response was that it's unfair that he and the boys have to give up what they like because I have a problem.

Just curious how this was resolved for other families represented here.

Thanks!!!

I have some of those foods in the house either constantly or from time to time, balanced with much healthier choices for my family and for myself.  The whole world out there is loaded with that stuff.  To me it has been vital to strengthen my resolve to avoid eating it wherever I encounter it, and it hasn't been a problem.  I never asked my family to forego those foods and don't plan to do so in the future.

That's just how I approach this. 

I have read here plenty of times that some postops had to ban such foods from their homes.  However, that doesn't solve the problem of walking into a party or a cafeteria or an office or a store or an event or someone else's home where such things are offered, which is where our inner strength or our learned, planned response has to come into play to protect what we are fighting to achieve.

Hang in there!

That's a toughie.  You say your husband is thin - how about your kids?  They share 1/2 your genetics, so although they may not have food issues now, they may in the future if they don't learn good eating habits now.  Are you worried that if it's in the house you'll be tempted to eat it too?  

Obesity is a family problem, even if only one member has the disease.  I sure hope your husband gets on board and agrees to a healthier lifestyle!

Perhaps talking to a nutritionist with your partner would be wise?  Even if the rest of your family "looks" healthy (i.e., thin), chances are they're not if they're ingesting all of that crap.  Perhaps having a nutritionist explain the perils of these foods to him directly might help him get on board with supporting your new life.  

As for my household, my family is totally on board with my upcoming changes - they figure that they can eat crap at work if they want or if we eat out/order in.  Yes, "I have a problem," but they know that their support is part of the solution.  

Are there some junk  foods that they all like that aren't appealing for you?  If so, ask him to only bring those things in -- that way, they get their junk and you don't have things constantly tempting you. 

Also, you can move those items "out of sight".  If he buys hot dogs, switch to a low fat hot dog that fits into your plan.  If your kids are overweight, then it's a different issue than if they are not.  If they are, then these changes need to be made for all of you now (I agree with the other poster about future problems, but I'm thinking that's not going to affect your husband's choices).   

Ask your husband which is more important -- having a healthy wife and mother who will live longer and be healthier  - or having junk food in your house?  They don't have to give up what they like -- you are just asking them to not eat those things at home while you are working toward a weight loss goal.  

Even if you don't have their support -- maybe you can work with a counselor to develop some coping strategies, and figure out some ways to get them on board.  

Best of luck!

I tried to "ban" these types of foods in my house as well...  But I have a very healthy husband and two young and healthy children, so they began to riot over never being allowed a dessert after dinner.  So now I have them in my house and I have to practice self control.  At times I fail, but for the most part, I am able to say no and leave it in the cupboard for my kids and husband :)  I have been testing out some "healthy" dessert alternatives lately, so my family has a healthier dessert and if I were to have one, it wouldn't be the end of the world.  Good luck!  It's a challenge for sure, but as time goes on, it gets easier and easier to pass on it, knowing if I eat that cookie it's one less cookie for my kids!

I don't think its fair for either person to HAVE to completely change their eating habits for another.  Junk food exists, and if you can't handle it in your own house, how will you handle it when its around you anywhere else?  Work?  Party?  Bake sale?  School function?   If you can't learn to resist the urge and practice self control at home, you might want to think more thoroughly about having the surgery until you are emotionally able to do it.

My husband would not give up junk food, but I haven't asked him to either.  I asked him not to bring ice cream/milkshakes into the house because those are my biggest weaknesses.  Instead he gets his junk food on during the day when he's at work.  My husband and son's eating habits haven't changed, even though I can't eat what they are.  Not even the fruit snacks (anyone looked at the carbs in those??)  Are fruit snacks bad for the average person? No, no they're not.   But for me, they're no good.   No good doesn't mean its all bad.

Try to come up with a compromise that works for both of you.  Maybe ban certain items that you have a weakness for?  But don't tell them they have to live on vegetables and protein only; your husband is right... they shouldn't be unable to enjoy a variety of food because your body is affected differently than theirs by it.   (Trust me, I've been there too.  I say this as the cook of the house who also bakes them cookies and cheesecake and WATCHES them eat it.) 

The surgery will only help you eat less.  It won't stop you from putting junk food in your mouth.  Thats all in your head, and totally within your control. 

Tough issue, and there's probably going to have to be some compromise.

Botttom line - no one has died from being unable to eat chips, pop, ice cream, and hot dogs.  Your husband and kids have plenty of access to those things outside of the house.  There's no need to bring them all inside the house.  Pick the items that you find hardest to stay away from, and say that those things either can't come into the house or need to be kept out of your sight in another cabinet and can't be eaten in front of you.  With things that you don't have a big issue with, I'd still make them keep them somewhere out of sight.  Your husband is an adult and you can't control him, but now would be a good time to start shifting the kids into better eating habits.

My husband is average weight, and our children are as well.  My husband does a majority of the grocery shopping, and I've never said certain foods aren't allowed. The problem lies with my own eating habits, not theirs, and I wouldn't want them to go without because of my weight issues. My husband is extremely supportive (our children are young and don't understand the full scope of what I've done), and doesn't sit in front if me and go crazy on junk, but he makes meals with me in mind (pre-op - I'm still on fluids now post-op).  Maybe there's a cupboard that they can put their snacks in that you just know to stay completely away from. Maybe he can try not to set that stuff around you, that way they can still have it but you don't have to sit there while they're enjoying it. It takes an extreme amount of self control and understanding by you that you're never going to not be around unhealthy food, no matter where you go. Good luck to you!  Have a conversation with him explaining things and hopefully he'll understand and not eat it around you. 

Wow! Tough, tough issue. I am partnered with a man who is tall and thin and has a metabolism to die for! He can eat like a horse and stay fairly trim. But he's also one of these people who will forget to eat. (Like I ever did that! Hahahaha...)

I didn't really think to ask him to not bring food in because he was so supportive of my weight loss efforts each and every time I tried to lose weight in the past. Then a night or two after my VSG he brought home a burger with fries without really thinking about it and the aroma filled the house. I pretty much flipped out because the smell was so overwhelming and though I didn't want to eat it, it just really messed with my head. That was a turning point for him. He became very careful about what he brought into the house.

While there are certain things I don't like having in the house, I'm careful not to "ban" things because I don't want him to feel deprived and resentful. I usually get him one single serving of his one of his favorite treats when I shop. That works out well. He gets his "fix" and is done because he's normal with food and then I don't have a pack or bag of something too tempting hanging around the house. Maybe that strategy will work for you.

I also ask that if he brings in something like baked goods that he not leave them on the kitchen counter as an "invitation". That doesn't always happen and so I'll just pick up that something and bring it to him and ask him to eat it NOW so I don't have to look at it. We both get a kick out of that. It's how I deal with it. Cracks me up in a way. I'm still such a freakin' food-a-holic!

Perhaps your guy and the kids would be okay with having some "temporarily banned" items. Banned only until you were well on your way and had some strong habits in place. Think carefully about the things you can not have in the house. Now it can't be everything, but some things that you know will be particularly hard for you to deal with should they be in the house. Even at two years out I have a few things that I do not like to have in the house because they are far to problematic for me: cookies of any kind and milk chocolate come immediately to mind. Pretty much everything else I can handle. I could handle the other stuff, too, but it would be very hard and tempting and I know myself very well, so I just know those two things in the cupboard would just be tempting fate.

I don't think there is an easy answer to your question or solution to the problem you face. I do think the ultimate solution will involve compromise and understanding on both your parts, and from your boys, as well.

Good luck!