Yep, I'm a hormonal dude

I guess I didn't expect it to happen to me.  Yes, I guess it was a little chauvinistic, but I didn't think the whole hormonal, emotional, super sensitive would happen to me as a guy. 

Spectacularly wrong. 

I realized Friday I'd been grumpy all week said several really ignorant and stupid things both in real life and on this board.  I had to go back and apologize for some off the cuff responses I'd made.  I actually had to stop someone from losing their job because they'd pissed me off.  That's going to make Monday awkward.  Note to self- consultants are human too!

I just want to point out a few things because now that I've had something to eat (more on that later) and my wife has done everything in her power to get me off the ledge I'm thinking more clearly.  I think they need to be said especially for the guys out here that may make the same mistake I made in thinking it's a "girl thing" to go through this.  It isn't. No idea if this is everyone on all counts, but this is me @ 2 months out from surgery.  

• Emotionally I'm a trainwreck.  Not so much with the depression and crying stuff, but my fuse requires a micrometer to measure.  I get annoyed at the drop of a hat.  I get angry over stuff that shouldn't bother me and wouldn't have 3 months ago. I also get super sensitive about what people say about me.  Finally, I also have gone so far as to retreat from public more and more, which is a real problem as I'm about to go out on a teaching tour.
• My confidence seems to be running opposite of what I'm reading from fellow VSGers.  I keep reading about people feeling sexier, more confident, and more free.  Not so much here.  My confidence, at least on personal items, is just not where it should be.  I'm hesitant, jumpy, and risk averse.  I feel constantly like I'm in a box and under a level of scrutiny that is uncommon and makes me uncomfortable.  In terms of sexuality, (TMI warning) it just ain't there.  I feel like a squishy, saggy, 10 pounds of poo in a 5 pound bag today more than I have in years. My wife is beautiful, and I love her dearly, but I'm more weirded out being naked in front of her than the fist time it happened. (I'm now almost the same size as when we met)  Even my sex drive seems to have evaporated. She seems to be more interested in me than in some time, but the thought of her seeing me naked is, well, gross.  It isn't her- I find her sexy - I just KNOW in the back of my head she's going to puke when she sees my shar-pei body.
• Sensitivity to stimuli is off the charts.  For some reason my sense of smell is constantly pegged.  Food smells of course are something I'm acutely aware of, but it's more than that.  My Bassett hound has been particularly fragrant lately, and I'm the only one who notices.  I swore that I could smell the leather in my shoes the other day as I stood in them.  Not my feet, not someone else- MY shoes.  Some smells that are unfavorable are equally intense.  I literally walked to the back of a 7-11 to avoid a dude who had BO so bad I wanted to vomit, but nobody else seemed to notice it.  My sense of smell isn't the only one though.  My eyes seems to acting funny (my glasses are less than a year old) and visual focus is not quite right.  Also, I swear I'm becoming ticklish.  If someone barely touches me I feel it and immediately react to move away almost instinctually.  It's weird and I can't seem to stop myself. 
• My focus is wobbly at best.  I noticed it recently when I let myself get dehydrated (another post), but I'm noticing it more.   If I haven't eaten in several hours, if I haven't kept hydrated, then I notice it.  But the kicker is that it doesn't matter really how well fed or hydrated I am, my focus just isn't what it was pre-weight loss. (note I say weight loss- not surgery.  I don't blame surgery).
• I can sleep like the world doesn't exist.  I wear a CPAP religiously, but I've never slept like this that I can recall. I've been an early to bed early to rise guy forever.  Literally it's nothign for me to be in bed at 9-10 and up between 3-4.  Lately I've been able to go to bed as early as 8 and sleep until 10 on a weekend. 
• My dreams are weird.  Not all scary (though some are damn near enough to demand calling people to make sure they are ok), some are just bizarre.  So weird I've woken myself up and not been entirely sure whether I was asleep.  So here's the thing- previously it's not uncommon for me to "work" in my sleep.  Not sure if this is "normal" or not, but I can be thinking about a complex problem for work and wake up in the middle of the night with an answer. I've designed entire software platforms in my head as I sleep and just wake up to code it all.  I literally keep a collection of paper and pens next to the bed to capture my thoughts for that reason.  These days, there is no work.  It's all out there weird stuff.  Some very abstract, some philosophical, some nightmarish, some feel like reality but are just off enough to be disturbing.  It's unsettling.  
• My balance sucks.  OK, so this may not be hormonal, but I couldn't pass a field sobriety test sober today if my life depended on it.  If a cop threatened to jam a taser up my rear to see if my hair stands on end if I didn't pass a "walk this straight line" test, I'd just ask him to be gentle and call me after cause it ain't happening. 

Some of this stuff is affected by my food and hydration, not just focus.  So I'm learning to use that and take advantage of less emotion and more focus after eating.  Some of it is really just freaky. 

Unfortunately, this board is pretty much the only group I go to other than a few folks I know that had the surgery.  So, I'm pretty much left standing there to figure it out :)

Anyway, I don't know if anyone else is feeling any of this, but I am.  It's almost like I'm not quite ME anymore.  Not sure I like that part. 

If this is "normal" for us, how long does this last?  

Yep...totally normal. All happened to me too. It will pass and you will feel wonderful. Don't sweat it man. Stick to your plan, shake it off and keep on trucking.

Wow. I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I actually didn't feel any different after surgery, as far as hormones go.  I'm sorry I can't offer you any advice but I will say to hang in there. This journey is different for everyone and I wish you best of luck on yours. 

Hi MichaelW,

There are lots of unexpected changes during your first few months, I bet some of the things you mentioned will just be memories in a month or so. For example my extreme sense of smell was a real problem in the first month after surgery then lessened until at 4 months I realized it was totally back to normal.

Persevere. This is a long journey but it is worth it.

All the best, Katy 

Dude, I get you on the whole "I'm not quite ME" part. I TOTES GET IT. I still have my life, everything is going so great, I mean I don't have a reason in the world to complain about anything, but it's... a bit less... like the volume's been turned down... the colors aren't as bright, and sometimes I feel like I'm fading away. There is no happy or sad, just... long, long days full of meh where everything is gray and boring and ho-hum and dull. I don't like it very much either. I have some awesome WLS vets on speed dial. I may bring this up with them... my hunch, though, is that it's just part of the adjustment period, and this too shall pass. Eventually. I'm sure that getting back to my usual routine (work, etc.) will help that. That, and springtime. Because this winter has been terribly long, cold, and dark.

Totally get the solving problems in your sleep.  I had a math class that I would chew on a problem for a week or more, and almost always solved them at 4 am after waking up.  I thought I was the only one to keep paper and pencil next to the bed... if I didn't write it down right then, it would be too fuzzy to recall later.  

Is there a chance your labs might be off a little?  Seems like you should mention this stuff to your doc just in case.   Hang in there- 

I have had almost all of these issues. Currently, despite knowing I'm not getting enough sleep, I keep pushing myself not to get enough (I think I associate the sleeping/tiredness with laziness). The other night, I got a call at 3 am about my son getting sick, and I cried (out of confusion and overwhelmed emotion pulling me in 4 different directions plus sheer exhaustion) then dreamed about getting sick the rest of the night. It has gotten better, though, and I'm sure it will keep getting better. 

I had very similar symptoms: explosive temper, moody, dreams, smells, even the vision (still trying to figure that one out.)

The only thing different for me was the sex thing. Mine got dialed up to 11, then the knob was broken off, amplifiers added, then humming a generator to supply the severe power drain. Don't worry about sharpei syndrome. Women mostly care how you look in clothes so occasionally buy good fitting new clothes, light candles, dim the lights, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV and enjoy. 

OK, gotta reply to this one.  I hadn't considered the clothes thing.  I'm still wearing the same clothes from 60 pounds ago.  I've lost at least 6-8 inches in my waist, but I'm just too cheap to buy new suits yet.  

Also, Love me some Zep, but I've always been more of a Floyd guy.  Dark side of the moon makes me mello, and AC/DC makes me wanna drive fast :)

Someone else mentioned thrift stores and I have to agree.  There's one by my office that I made three or four trips to during my weight loss phase... I'd drop off a load and pick up some new stuff on each trip... 

Thrift stores seem to cater more to women (at least judging by who was shopping there) but there were a lot of men's clothes - just not many men buying... I picked up all kinds of dress shirts and sport coats - Ralph Lauren, Hilfiger, LaCoste, Izod, all top brands - a few still had the tags on them - all for pennies on the dollar.  For pants, I went with dockers - there's a style ("Comfort Waist D3") with a hidden elastic band and it accommodates a couple of inches of expansion - i'd buy them a size or two smaller and could keep wearing them as the I shrunk...  like these

I have a several high-end fashion business customers (Ralph Lauren, Michael Kors, etc. ) so I look for their stuff so when I call on them I'm wearing their brands... the thrift store made it possible on a budget!