coping with negativity (vent post)

Dealing with negativity about getting the sleeve is starting to...irritate me.

I have so much support from my friends that know about the surgery and from some of my family members.

Sometimes I feel that friends are way more supportive than my family though. One of my sisters has been SO negative towards me getting the surgery and it really sucks. A little back story...my sister wasn't fat or anything but she was over weight...but was skinny. Make sense? Anyway her second year of college she transferred to college in a different city...moved out and then started working out and eating healthier and what not. I'm not sure how much weight she lost but the change was significant. 

She was one of the first people I talked to when I decided I wanted to start my process to get approved for WLS. She has been negative ever since. She some how found out that I had a surgery date and has started talking ****basically saying that I'm stupid for getting the surgery. That I'm lazy. That I never want to go to the gym and that there are people that are over 500 lbs at the gym and get fit without getting surgery. I know I don't need to explain or prove to her why I am getting the surgery done. I HAVE tried and thats what she doesn't understand. She doesn't understand the constant struggle I have with myself on a daily basis. Being "morbidly obese" isn't something that someone wants to be. I didn't choose to be this way...and honestly WLS was always my last option and I feel like at this point in my life, I've reached the last option. Trying every fad diet, personal trainers, not eating and not succeeding is very discouraging. 

Anyway...just thought I should vent. It truly does suck getting hate comments about something that you try to do for yourself to change your life for the better 

I feel you next time you see her you just tell her that her approval isn't needed your doing this for your health and let her know Surgery isn't the easy way and that you realize it's a tool not a cure you are going to have to work at your weight loss key word have to meaning you have no other option but to work on it.  Besides your not doing it for her your doing it for you. Good luck with your surgery I can't wait for her to eat crow.

Hey I understand how you feel I don't receive that much support from my family but, you know what sometimes you have be selfish. Use those negative comments and negative thoughts to motivate you.  Sometimes people don't want you to succeed in anything  but, look past it because I am now.

There is a lot going on that I bet she doesn't even understand.  Most of us who are obese got this way because we misuse food.  How many times have you eaten something even though you knew afterward you would regret it and be less healthy for it?  But you did it anyway right?  That sounds like addiction to me and no diet or gym is going to cure that. 

I am three weeks post-op and definitely feel blue because I can't eat like I used to.  I can't eat for comfort.  This tool and the the program that goes with it are rebooting my brain when it comes to food.  Food can activate the pleasure centers of the brain just like drugs and alcohol can.

It is clear that your sister doesn't understand and sadly, you can't make her.  She has formed her opinion.  The good news is that what she thinks doesn't matter.  You are doing what you feel is best for you and that is matters.  The surgery isn't a magic bullet but a tool that we have to use properly.  WHen you hit that 3rd week stall be patient and stick with your program.  I'm in it right now.

I view this surgery, and the need for it, like an alcoholic getting help.  Most people that don't have a problem with alcohol just don't understand why a person can't stop drinking because they don't identify with the problem.  AA has a saying and it applies to us also, they say "they don't have a drinking problem they have a thinking problem".  Its the same with us, eating has nothing to do with hunger, it also emotional stuff and its comforting.  

A common reaction when i say I have had the surgery is "oh" in a very deflated manner.  It usually ends there but occasionally people will ask or make a comment about doing it with diet and exercise.  I usually go with I tried it and failed many times and the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  

This is the best thing I have ever done for myself and I refuse to let somebody rain on my parade.  I get enjoyment from things now that I have never been able to do.  I will continue that and you should too.

The reality is that you are doing it for yourself and owe no explanation to anybody. Someone that judges you for improving your health is very negative and as hard as it may be I say ignore it. It's not worth the energy. Just focus on you and your own health and happiness and enjoy the ride! 

The good news is that you don't need your sister's approval for anything you do in your life.  You don't need her support.  She doesn't need to understand why you're doing what you're doing.  

The challenging news is that you're going to need to learn how to set, and maintain, boundaries with her which probably isn't a thing you've done in the past so it will be hard to change that for the future.  If you're not seeing a therapist, that would be a good place to start.  

In the meantime, I would stop bringing the topic of your WLS up with her.  And, if she brings it up, change the subject quickly and decisively.  Make it clear that this is no longer a topic that's up for discussion with her and stick to that.  

Congrats on your upcoming surgery & sorry that your sister doesn't support you. She seems to be in the you're taking the easy way out camp & doesn't understand that it isn't the easy way out. She has never been morbidly obese, so she'll probably never understand. You're doing the best thing for your health & that's more important.

BTW mention to her what exactly is wrong about the "easy" way out. Clearly the hard way isn't working, why bother doing the same thing to get different results? It doesn't happen, so back the f**k off. Good Luck to you.

The good news is, you have us as support!