July 2nd, 2011

Jul 02, 2011

I wasn't planning on writing anything this morning.  Not even thinking about who I am or where my journey is until I got an email reminding me I have a place to go.  This home away from home where I can be honest. 
If you are just starting this journey... don't  think it will answer all your prayers or that you will be eternally happy, save your marriage or make you a supermodel body in the end.   That is what it doesn't do. 
What loosing all the weight you struggle with does do is make you healthy, makes you more active, makes you understand  how much you have to work at being better... and that the work never goes away, but the rewards are plentiful.  Just don't think you know how you will be rewarded.  Chances are you will miss the mark. 

Here's what I didn't expect to do. 
NUMBER 1)  I didn't know I too... as well as everyone who has met me in the last few years... will forget that I was ever extremely obese. Those family members and my own kids forget what I looked like.  At least until someone pulls out some old photos.  It is reeling to see the difference!  Newcomers never believe I was ever overweight. 
NUMBER2)  I didn't expect to ever be in control of my eating.  But practice makes perfect and for the first time in a lifetime, I am eating healthy and not having to think about it.  I have simply designed my own loving eating habits that work for me.  Not everyone else, just me.  There is no cookie cutter style for all. 
NUMBER3)  I didn't expect anyone to look at me and think I was attractive.  I still feel it is funny to say.  I am average looking.  I am funny looking if you take into consideration my boobs are way to big for my frame.  But, when life gives you lemons.....
Except that you will be drinking lemonade and not a coke!  I am what I am, and it is good. 
NUMBER 4)  I never knew I would be one to crave exercises... to feel the need to get up and go every day.  That I needed my trainer and my treadmill and to be the one to mow my lawns so I could have something to do physically.  Mostly because being idle is not good for my brain.  But, it does feel good to move, and to lay down at night and be tired enough to sleep without tossing and turning. 

I did not know what being alive was until I learned to live. 

Losing weight did not make any of this better over night.  It has been 5.5 years of work, work , and struggling to keep working at it. 
But it has changed me.  I beg you to not stop.  There will be rewards, both big and small.  Just not what you may assume it to be.  Very worth it though. 

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