February 1st, 2009

Feb 01, 2009

Thank you OH, you have seen me through the last three years of my life.  It is now my Three year anniversary to my RNY.  Well, it was last night, LOL  Three months since my tummy tuck.  Down 9 dress sizes.  A total of 9 sizes!!!       But, guess what.  I was out on the town last night.  Dressed up and met a girlfreind.  We went out and had a drink and talked the night away just for fun.  Let me tell you people, that is so not me. 
My freind had not seen me since the tummy tuck.  She met me in a coffee shop and almost screamed when she saw me.  She kept repeating OMG.. OMG... you are so skinny.  I told her we had to leave because people were staring.  I told her it was funny that she kept saying that to me and yet I was feeling fat that day.  ( I really was) That made her laugh even harder.  I expected her to have a big reaction.  All night she had me showing her my old pic and showering me with complements.

Like when I met an old co-worker and her daughter at the mall to go shopping.  Her daughter walked right past me, then stopped, turned around and said really loudly, " Carol, that is you!  I was looking for a fat woman!"  Okay, she is just a kid.. but it was embarrassing because people turned and stared then too.

  My freind last night also gave me great advice on starting to go out again. She told me to quit listening to the advice of  the negitive sharer's I have.  Freinds who like me single and available at their conveniance and that they were only giving me advice based on their needs and not my happiness.  I know she is right.  I love my freinds but a couple of them are very self serving.  They even fight amoungst themselves on who is my "best" freind.  Those kind of words do not come out of my mouth since it is a higherarchy bases and I love all my freinds.  Still, I know she is right.  I get so many mixed singnals from freinds about how to go about meeting someone.  She just told me take it slow.  That is what I tell myself.  After being single for 10 plus years.. there is not rush now to move on.  But I must admit I like the flirting.  LOL  

 I returned the favor by talking to her about her recent divorce and how to cope with old feelings and getting on with herself.  That is something I do understand.  That is part of what got me here.  Learning to love myself and take better care.  Two surgeries and 170 pounds later, I am so much healthier and happier with life.  I did not lose weight fast nor was it even remotely easy.   On the flip side, I have survived to see my daughters grow, get a better job I love, help care for my ailing mother, and do all the things I love to excess.  Gardening, camping, weekends with freinds.  Reading and cooking better and healthier foods. 
There are still negitives.  I still struggle today with eating habits and control over the food I put into my body.  Sometimes I am lonely and depressed. Not to mention a serious lack of confidence when it comes to the opposite sex. 
Now I have nothing but time.  Time to keep a visual on my food control, and time to learn to put myself out there and have fun.  Three years and a whole new life.  Good and Bad.
So worth it.  I am still alive. 

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