Five Years Today - even the same day of the week!

May 30, 2011

This exact time (09:45) five years ago I was having a Roux en Y gastric bypass and my life was getting...well, it feels like a piece of chicken getting shake and baked - shaken up, beautfied and then having my little feet put to the fire!

I still have high blood pressure but my high cholesterol is gone. My joint pain is non-existent. Mammography is no longer a multiple appointment ordeal. I am still wearning the same post-WLS size and I still fill a thrill of delight when I see myself in the mirror. The way I interact with people and the way they respond to me is so different, in a good way.

Gastric bypass is not happiness insurance. I lost my beloved Dad on December 20, 2010, after helping my Mom manage his care and watch his body fall apart over the past 3 years. Daddy was the one who loved me uncritically, gently and with infinite kindness. I know people say that there will be a time when I can remember him without crying but I'm a long way away from that. My husband was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer 3 weeks ago and will have surgery soon. Please remember that joy is something you must nurture in yourself; the world outside will not necessarily give it to you.

I acknowledge grief and the yearning in my heart for so many things I cannot attain. My faith is at an all-time low. My addictive proclivities are at an all-time high. I pop pills, but I dance and listen to hip hop and try to move through my life with grace. I eat differently, and it's now a way of life.

I am 55 but am not bowing to pressure to be old or act old. I feel like a teenager. I haven't been unfaithful to my husband but have had one great temptation in my life, a man who defies the adage that chivalry is dead. This guy treated me with concern and respect when I weighed 300 pounds; when I lost weight, we had chemistry. I wish I could see him to tell him the only reason I didn't pursue him was because I am married, and that I never stopped having feelings for him.

I don't believe in joy that is built on hurting others, but am hurt myself.

Please, if you have this chance, have the surgery! It will rock your world. Ladies, it will shake your soul. It will make you want to live and wish for things you used to think you were impossible. It's a trip. If you need advice, a hug or a listening ear, please reach out to me. I'll be there.

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