Teal Sea
How soon are the mighty fallen....
Jul 25, 2012
Life is so humbling. No sooner do I sound even the slightest bit cocky when life/fate/God (that schmuck) gives me the smack down.
On May 4, 2011 - five months after my Dad died - my husband, Scott, was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had a radical prostatectomy in August, 2011. The surgery couldn't spare the "hard-on" nerves so our traditional sex life died the date of his operation. The surgery did not get all the cancer and in March 2012 Scott left for a two month stay in Boston to receive radiation treatment. When the treatment ended his PSA was .01...he's about to return to Boston for a 3-month follow up.
About the time Scott was told he still had cancer - in spite of radical surgery - I started drinking again. During that five month bender I used up my savings and jeopardized several important relationships. Ironically, I was never as thin as I was when I was in the gutter of alcoholism, and I loved it. Nothing else matters to me, it seems, except being thin.
I've been sober for about 2 months. Twenty pounds have reappeared. I am so disgusted with myself but I can't seem to stop eating. Food is the only painkiller I have left. I am heartbroken. I feel as if I have lost everything. Please send me the desire to eat mindfully and/or the ability to face, and transcend, the impulse to abuse any substance I can lay my hands on.
With humble thanks. Teal Sea
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On May 4, 2011 - five months after my Dad died - my husband, Scott, was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had a radical prostatectomy in August, 2011. The surgery couldn't spare the "hard-on" nerves so our traditional sex life died the date of his operation. The surgery did not get all the cancer and in March 2012 Scott left for a two month stay in Boston to receive radiation treatment. When the treatment ended his PSA was .01...he's about to return to Boston for a 3-month follow up.
About the time Scott was told he still had cancer - in spite of radical surgery - I started drinking again. During that five month bender I used up my savings and jeopardized several important relationships. Ironically, I was never as thin as I was when I was in the gutter of alcoholism, and I loved it. Nothing else matters to me, it seems, except being thin.
I've been sober for about 2 months. Twenty pounds have reappeared. I am so disgusted with myself but I can't seem to stop eating. Food is the only painkiller I have left. I am heartbroken. I feel as if I have lost everything. Please send me the desire to eat mindfully and/or the ability to face, and transcend, the impulse to abuse any substance I can lay my hands on.
With humble thanks. Teal Sea
Five Years Today - even the same day of the week!
May 30, 2011
This exact time (09:45) five years ago I was having a Roux en Y gastric bypass and my life was getting...well, it feels like a piece of chicken getting shake and baked - shaken up, beautfied and then having my little feet put to the fire!
I still have high blood pressure but my high cholesterol is gone. My joint pain is non-existent. Mammography is no longer a multiple appointment ordeal. I am still wearning the same post-WLS size and I still fill a thrill of delight when I see myself in the mirror. The way I interact with people and the way they respond to me is so different, in a good way.
Gastric bypass is not happiness insurance. I lost my beloved Dad on December 20, 2010, after helping my Mom manage his care and watch his body fall apart over the past 3 years. Daddy was the one who loved me uncritically, gently and with infinite kindness. I know people say that there will be a time when I can remember him without crying but I'm a long way away from that. My husband was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer 3 weeks ago and will have surgery soon. Please remember that joy is something you must nurture in yourself; the world outside will not necessarily give it to you.
I acknowledge grief and the yearning in my heart for so many things I cannot attain. My faith is at an all-time low. My addictive proclivities are at an all-time high. I pop pills, but I dance and listen to hip hop and try to move through my life with grace. I eat differently, and it's now a way of life.
I am 55 but am not bowing to pressure to be old or act old. I feel like a teenager. I haven't been unfaithful to my husband but have had one great temptation in my life, a man who defies the adage that chivalry is dead. This guy treated me with concern and respect when I weighed 300 pounds; when I lost weight, we had chemistry. I wish I could see him to tell him the only reason I didn't pursue him was because I am married, and that I never stopped having feelings for him.
I don't believe in joy that is built on hurting others, but am hurt myself.
Please, if you have this chance, have the surgery! It will rock your world. Ladies, it will shake your soul. It will make you want to live and wish for things you used to think you were impossible. It's a trip. If you need advice, a hug or a listening ear, please reach out to me. I'll be there.
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I still have high blood pressure but my high cholesterol is gone. My joint pain is non-existent. Mammography is no longer a multiple appointment ordeal. I am still wearning the same post-WLS size and I still fill a thrill of delight when I see myself in the mirror. The way I interact with people and the way they respond to me is so different, in a good way.
Gastric bypass is not happiness insurance. I lost my beloved Dad on December 20, 2010, after helping my Mom manage his care and watch his body fall apart over the past 3 years. Daddy was the one who loved me uncritically, gently and with infinite kindness. I know people say that there will be a time when I can remember him without crying but I'm a long way away from that. My husband was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer 3 weeks ago and will have surgery soon. Please remember that joy is something you must nurture in yourself; the world outside will not necessarily give it to you.
I acknowledge grief and the yearning in my heart for so many things I cannot attain. My faith is at an all-time low. My addictive proclivities are at an all-time high. I pop pills, but I dance and listen to hip hop and try to move through my life with grace. I eat differently, and it's now a way of life.
I am 55 but am not bowing to pressure to be old or act old. I feel like a teenager. I haven't been unfaithful to my husband but have had one great temptation in my life, a man who defies the adage that chivalry is dead. This guy treated me with concern and respect when I weighed 300 pounds; when I lost weight, we had chemistry. I wish I could see him to tell him the only reason I didn't pursue him was because I am married, and that I never stopped having feelings for him.
I don't believe in joy that is built on hurting others, but am hurt myself.
Please, if you have this chance, have the surgery! It will rock your world. Ladies, it will shake your soul. It will make you want to live and wish for things you used to think you were impossible. It's a trip. If you need advice, a hug or a listening ear, please reach out to me. I'll be there.
Four years later
Jun 05, 2010
Well, I'm still here. I've maintained 80% of my weight loss. I don't booze it up any more. I am still an addict.
Exercise has really helped me - I try to exercise 4 times a week, predominantly aerobic/cardio and body sculpting. I take my vitamins religiously and also take iron because I'd been feeling very run down.
I quit my job in November 2008 to help my parents move to an assisted living facility. My Dad has been in the ER and/or admitted to the hospital several times - just discharged from a very scary stay yesterday. He's 82 and has "pre-leukemia" and I want to return to Maryland to see him soon.
I'll be 55 in 6 weeks; still feel and act like I'm 14. I shop too much and am inordinately vain - although I'm still technically obese, I don't look it or feel it. As Cindy Crawford said "find a weight you can safely maintain" instead of torturing yourself trying to attain a certain weight only to backslide.
As always, WLS does not fix your head; if you're an addicted pre-op you'll be an addicted post-op. Get help. I would if I had any f---ing health insurance.
You are always welcome to contact me with any questions - don't censor yourself. If I haven't done it, I've probably heard of it. As always, love, prayers and good wishes go out to all of you.
Signed, a humbled but proud post-op.
0 comments
Exercise has really helped me - I try to exercise 4 times a week, predominantly aerobic/cardio and body sculpting. I take my vitamins religiously and also take iron because I'd been feeling very run down.
I quit my job in November 2008 to help my parents move to an assisted living facility. My Dad has been in the ER and/or admitted to the hospital several times - just discharged from a very scary stay yesterday. He's 82 and has "pre-leukemia" and I want to return to Maryland to see him soon.
I'll be 55 in 6 weeks; still feel and act like I'm 14. I shop too much and am inordinately vain - although I'm still technically obese, I don't look it or feel it. As Cindy Crawford said "find a weight you can safely maintain" instead of torturing yourself trying to attain a certain weight only to backslide.
As always, WLS does not fix your head; if you're an addicted pre-op you'll be an addicted post-op. Get help. I would if I had any f---ing health insurance.
You are always welcome to contact me with any questions - don't censor yourself. If I haven't done it, I've probably heard of it. As always, love, prayers and good wishes go out to all of you.
Signed, a humbled but proud post-op.
Two Years Later
May 30, 2008
Hi, dear OH community,
I can't believe it has been two years since my surgery. I am struggling with cross addictions, unemployment, commuting 1200 miles once a month to care for my elderly parents, staying insured, staying out of financial ruin, etc.
Roux en Y does NOT fix your head. If you were an addict before the surgery, you will be an addict after the surgery. I eat less because I physically can't eat more, but I drink too much alcohol and I have gained back about 40 pounds. I exercise every day when I am at home and I look OK but I am not the hottie I used to be and certainly not the person who considered betraying everything and everyone important to her simply because another man briefly found her attractive.
So, I did not have an affair, but I did get older and probably stupider. Watching myself get saggier and hairier has been pretty depressing and I have been acting like an idiot.
I repeat - WLS does not change your head. It's a wonderful opportunity, but it's only as effective as you are strong in your heart. I have found it to be very humbling and saddening. For all the people who'll fall all over you when you are losing weight, like the song says "nobody wants you when you're down and out." I haven't been back to my surgeon or my doctor because I am too ashamed of regaining weight and cannot bear their reactions to my addiction to alcohol.
May God bless and keep each and every one of you. Please pray for me.
With much love,
Anne
I can't believe it has been two years since my surgery. I am struggling with cross addictions, unemployment, commuting 1200 miles once a month to care for my elderly parents, staying insured, staying out of financial ruin, etc.
Roux en Y does NOT fix your head. If you were an addict before the surgery, you will be an addict after the surgery. I eat less because I physically can't eat more, but I drink too much alcohol and I have gained back about 40 pounds. I exercise every day when I am at home and I look OK but I am not the hottie I used to be and certainly not the person who considered betraying everything and everyone important to her simply because another man briefly found her attractive.
So, I did not have an affair, but I did get older and probably stupider. Watching myself get saggier and hairier has been pretty depressing and I have been acting like an idiot.
I repeat - WLS does not change your head. It's a wonderful opportunity, but it's only as effective as you are strong in your heart. I have found it to be very humbling and saddening. For all the people who'll fall all over you when you are losing weight, like the song says "nobody wants you when you're down and out." I haven't been back to my surgeon or my doctor because I am too ashamed of regaining weight and cannot bear their reactions to my addiction to alcohol.
May God bless and keep each and every one of you. Please pray for me.
With much love,
Anne
A Year Later
Jun 01, 2007
Hi, dear OH friends,
It's been one year and two days since my surgery and I have lost 120 pounds and regained the body I thought I would only dream about. I've gone from a size 28 to a size 14.
There have been a lot of changes since the surgery, some good and some not so hot. I am 51 and am acting like a school girl. I am exerting every ounce of self-discipline not to embarrass myself or hurt my beloved family.
I want to behave badly - the way I did in high school and college, when I was a promiscuous party animal longing for Mr. Right but terrified of nice guys when they, infrequently, did appear.
This surgery will transform your life, but you must have been courageous and principled all along to make the most of it.
With much love and a fervent "Godspeed" to all you pre-ops,
Anne
It's been one year and two days since my surgery and I have lost 120 pounds and regained the body I thought I would only dream about. I've gone from a size 28 to a size 14.
There have been a lot of changes since the surgery, some good and some not so hot. I am 51 and am acting like a school girl. I am exerting every ounce of self-discipline not to embarrass myself or hurt my beloved family.
I want to behave badly - the way I did in high school and college, when I was a promiscuous party animal longing for Mr. Right but terrified of nice guys when they, infrequently, did appear.
This surgery will transform your life, but you must have been courageous and principled all along to make the most of it.
With much love and a fervent "Godspeed" to all you pre-ops,
Anne
About Me
NH
Location
34.0
BMI
Surgery
05/30/2006
Surgery Date
Sep 07, 2005
Member Since
