How soon are the mighty fallen....

Jul 25, 2012

Life is so humbling. No sooner do I sound even the slightest bit cocky when life/fate/God (that schmuck) gives me the smack down.

On May 4, 2011 - five months after my Dad died - my husband, Scott, was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had a radical prostatectomy in August, 2011. The surgery couldn't spare the "hard-on" nerves so our traditional sex life died the date of his operation. The surgery did not get all the cancer and in March 2012 Scott left for a two month stay in Boston to receive radiation treatment. When the treatment ended his PSA was .01...he's about to return to Boston for a 3-month follow up.

About the time Scott was told he still had cancer - in spite of radical surgery - I started drinking again. During that five month bender I used up my savings and jeopardized several important relationships. Ironically, I was never as thin as I was when I was in the gutter of alcoholism, and I loved it. Nothing else matters to me, it seems, except being thin.

I've been sober for about 2 months. Twenty pounds have reappeared. I am so disgusted with myself but I can't seem to stop eating. Food is the only painkiller I have left. I am heartbroken. I feel as if I have lost everything. Please send me the desire to eat mindfully and/or the ability to face, and transcend, the impulse to abuse any substance I can lay my hands on.

With humble thanks. Teal Sea

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