blkpansy29
First entry
Jan 10, 2012
Well I just joined this and I am glad I did. all of the before and after photos are amazing and it give me lots of hope for the future.Currently I am on my second week of a 3 week liquid diet and it sucks so much! Everyone is afraid to eat around me and I constantly day dream of food or dream at night of eating the wrong foods or eating solids while I am I this liquid diet hell. I am very scared for the up coming surgery. not really the surgery itself but for life after. Here's the thing, I like food.. more like love it and it loves me too obvioiusly from my size as it never wants to leave my body. I have realized that in order to have all the things in life that I want I have to make the change first. I want to have kids.. I think. I want to be looked at for having brains and looks and not looked over because my size could say to some that I am lazy. I am far from that! I want to feel sexy and love my body. I like my curves but I want them to be a little less prominent lol. My fear is that I will lose my boobs, that seems to be what I have identified myself with is my bust. I like how big they are and I know that it gets me male attention but maybe now its time for a new body part to be my best or just be my best overall. I worry about losing and having a lot of extra skin, then I worry about failing this procedure and never being able to see my thin self. I think I have been a slave to food and now not being able to have it and knowing that I can't have it has openned my eyes to this relationship. I think bread and carbs will be my big fight. in the next few weeks I will have to find my new comfort that is not food so I don't feel deprived.