journaling

Jul 27, 2010

I've been journaling for several weeks now.  This is something that I love to do, but had fallen away from.  I am finding it VERY therapeutic!  I was in a funk for about 3 days.  After writing, I figured out just what was causing me to be in a funk.  I have a CT of the chest coming up to monitor an acending aortic anerysm.  It's 4cm size now and they do surgery at 5 cm.  So, I was really freaking out about what they will find.  Then I researched and found out that they no longer have to 'crack your chest' to repair an AAA...they can go up the groin and place a gradft.  YEah!  I'm going to whereever they do that!

See, I thought I was getting upset over WLS.  I was becoming more frightened about that, when I wanted it at the same time.  I realized, ONE THING AT A TIME...is how I must deal and cope with my life.  Shit happens!  And, the 'mental' part of this journey will be the hardest for me.

I was feeling doen for those three days and told myself that I was going to 'baby myself'.  What a joke.  I ate all the wrong things.  "Comfort Foods"....ugh  To my suprise, my stall has broken and I lost another 3 pounds!  So. a total of 30 preop weight is gone FOREVER!

Anyway, my point is that journaling is a great way to see things objectively adn to work out issues you might be having.  It's the next best thing to a therapist!  Funny thing about therapists....at my last bariatric mtg, I saw my own therapist.  She is getting WLS too!  So, I'm not sure it will be a good idea for me to go to her to discuss my weight loss issues...however, on the other hand, we could be of great help to one another.  She's just get the money...LOL

Well....I'm at work and there are things that must be done.  I'd like your thoughts and prayers for me regarding the AAA.  I don't want to have to have heart surgery before the WLS.

Also, I gave up all caffeine...then yesterday, I drank a half a pot all am and I had the worst palpitations all day!  scary.  It gave me a horrible buzz.  I don't want caffeine after surgery...decaff either.  Except for my decaff trea...I like that and I don't think it would be hard on the pouch.

See, I am trying to do things the way a post-op person would do.  The only things that I really need to work on are not drinking with meals and taking small bites.  I read where a girl forgot what she was doing and took a big bite, barely chewed and her food got stuck.

See, I don't want any of those issues.  I know you have to try your pouch out...add new foods, follow the nutritional guide.  But, I don't want nausea, the 'foamies' or pain and gas.  I'm going to be having my gallbladder taken out at the same time as my RNY.  So, I'm thinking I may have diarrhea after surgery....or things might balance themselves out, considering you don't eat much and constipation can be an issue for several people.

Well...enough of my rant/blog today.  It was a long one!
Bridget

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