Today has been a BAD Day

Apr 06, 2010

Today, my beloved grandmother passed away.  She was a wonderful and beautiful woman.  I will miss her deeply and eventhough I am glad stop her from suffering and she is a peace I still feel sad.  You see, my grandmother had the awful deases called alzheimers.  She was diagnosed a few years ago but she still was getting around and could talk to us and mostly the same Moma Jo (that is what her grandkids called her).  My mother and aunt tried to make her lif as comnfortable as possible.  She wanted to stay in her home so my mother hired a live in nurse to stay with her and  she only lived a few miles from her so my mother always went to her house everyday to sit with her once my mother got off work.  My aunt is from out of state so she will travel down numerous times a year to help my mother out with her.  Only last year my grandmother got down to the point that she had to be transferred into a nursing home for alzheimer patients.  She all of suddent stop talking and just seemed to not recognize anyone and could not walk anymore.  She got really sick and her heart was very weak.  It broke my mother and aunt's heart to put her int he home but she needed a lot of medical care that they could provide.  Over this past year her heart continued to get weaker and she continue to get different infections that caused fluid to get around her heart a lot and over her body.  You see I am happy God has taken her home so she can never be in pain anymore.  However, it does not stop all the pain but it does give me peace to know that she will be happy. 

Also, today I needed to get my hair done before I got ready to take the trip back home for the funeral.  Well, I had weave in my hair so it is hard to notice what is going on with my regular hair.  I have it sewed in and my hair is braided up.  Usually my hair stays healthy but today when we took my hair down I hardly have any hair on my head.  ALL my hair is almost out.  I know I have not done exactly what was suppose to be done for my protein so this is completely my fault.  However, it scares me that I will go bald and never grow my hair back.  I can't sleep because of thinking about my grandmother and now my hair loss.  I decided to get up and write this blog so I could get my feelings down in writing.  I had to spend a lot of my savings today to get new tires for my truck 1000 dollars and  hair done and new dress and suits for my family for the funeral.  My kids are outgrowing all their clothes quickly.  Of course this is right after easter so finding something is like slim pickings.  I also have to have money to get us home (gas and food and money while we are there)  God, has blessed us that we have the money and still are able to pay our bills but it will deplete our little savings.  Especially since I decided to have the surgery I had to pay a lot of the pre requistes out of pocket before the insurance would cover the surgery, so that took up a big chunk of savings.  I still do not regret it and I do not regret having to use this money to go say good bye to my grandmother.  She would have taken her last penny to get her to take care of me and she has used her last penny in the past to take care of me.  Well, I will try to go to bed now.  I hope that my beautician can do my hair in the morning and not have trouble since I have lost so much hair.  I will do my protein shakes and pray that my hair starts growing back

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