Don't know what to do

Apr 26, 2011

So as of today, I am 248 lbs. This number depresses me greatly. I remember the days when I was a size 12 and hot. Right now I look and feel like a fat cow. I am only 23 years old, and I find that I feel like I am more like 60. Everyday is a struggle for me. I have arthritis so, I wake up in pain. My hips hurt; my ankles hurt; my knees hurt; my shoulders hurt; my back hurt and there is nothing I can do. I currently am not on any pain meds because I don't like the many side effects associated with them. I was diagnosed with PCOS about 5 years ago and ever since life has been a living hell.

PCOS has stripped ever ounce of femininity that I had from me. I grow hair in strange places and my skin is horrible. I have lost any self-esteem and self confidence that I had. I have stretch marks in places that weren't there before. My face is changing with each passing year. My skin is dry as sand paper. PCOS has blessed me with major depression. I no longer see the positive in anything. I am always down. I do not like the person that I see in the mirror. I do not know what happened to the person that I once knew. I recently went to the doctor and she told me that I was borderline hypothyroid. This totally confused me because nobody in my family suffers from thyroid issues. I always go to my Endocrinologist and to have my thyroid stop working in 3 months time is crazy to me. I just want to have surgery already.

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